I like to think that I have reasonable emotional intelligence, but I don’t always get it right. One memorable occasion, when I completely misjudged the emotional content of my communication, was when I found out I had been selected to be an explosive ordnance disposal officer. I was excited and immediately wanted to share my happy news. So, I rang my mother and blurted out “amazing news mum, I am going to learn to defuse bombs!” I was met with silence at the other end of the line. Only then did I stop to think about how that might sound to a parent; especially a parent who has had to deal with an energetic, enthusiastic but somewhat accident-prone son! Now, being a parent myself, it makes me cringe to contemplate my lack of empathy.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI) and how does it differ from IQ?

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, comprehend, manage, and handle emotions. This ability starts with recognising and managing one’s own emotions and then those of others. Emotional intelligence is also known as Emotional Quotient or EQ. The term has been around since the 1960s but was made popular in 1995 by Daniel Goleman and his best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence.

In academic terms, emotional intelligence can be defined as:

“A subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own emotions and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s own thinking and actions”

Salovey and Mayer (1997)

EQ (or EI) differs from IQ. IQ stands for Intelligence Quotient and IQ is a score of a person’s problem-solving ability, measured through standardised psychometric tests. IQ assesses a person’s capacity for reasoning – which is useful – but what IQ does not assess is how a person interacts with others. That is where EQ becomes important.

What are the components or skills of emotional intelligence?

There are various models that explain the components of emotional intelligence. Here are 3 of the most popular models:

Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence Model

Goleman’s model (also known as the Mixed Model) has five components:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy (the ability to
• Social skills

The Bar-On Model

The Bar-On model of emotional-social intelligence has five scales made up of:

• Self-perception
• Self-expression
• Interpersonal
• Decision-making
• Stress management

The Ability Model

Peter Salovey and John Mayer created the Ability Model, which has evolved into a 4 Branch Model that includes:

• Perceiving emotions
• Reasoning with emotions
• Understanding emotions
• Managing emotions

While all these models differ in subtle ways, there is a commonality in emotional intelligence that reflects the initial definitions: that of identifying and managing the emotions of oneself and others.

Why is Emotional Intelligence important?

Emotional intelligence is important as it is foundational to all relationships. To relate to people we need to understand our emotions and relate to those of others. But, EQ is of particular importance for leaders. Leadership, at its most basic level, is influence. And therefore if you want to influence people you need to know how they tick.

As seen in my earlier example I have learned – often the hard way – that clear communication is not necessarily effective communication. If you do not gauge the emotions of yourself or your audience, then you are unlikely to get the result you want or expect.

Emotional intelligence gives you the capability to perceive the emotional content of what people are communicating and what they need. That allows the manager or leader to interact effectively with an individual or team, gauging how they are feeling and what they need in terms of support, encouragement or help in order for them to develop and perform at high levels.

But EI or EQ is more important than just that. People with higher emotional intelligence – no matter what their leadership responsibilities are – have better mental health, more success at work and better relationships, according to Dr Travis Bradberry.

How do you test or measure your EQ?

You can get a simple measure of your own EQ or emotional questions by asking yourself some simple questions:

They are also various tests available, many of them free, that you can access to test your EQ score. One very quick and free test you can do is provided by MindTools. It is only 15 questions long so you can complete it and get the answers back in less than 5 minutes.

How do you improve your EQ?

As with many aspects of leadership, there is some discussion as to whether emotional intelligence is born or bred; in other words, whether it is innate or can be learned. As with so much in life my experience is – and studies back this up – that it is a bit of both. Some people seem naturally more emotionally aware, but we can all get better at reading our own emotions and those of others.

As with everything in life you can improve EQ through practice, or rather, deliberate practice. Let’s use the Goleman model to explore the skill that you can develop to improve emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness 

Strengths and weaknesses

Self-knowledge, among other things, means knowing your strengths and weaknesses. If you need some help identifying your strengths and weaknesses then read Which Leadership Skills Do You Need to Develop Most?

Self-reflection

We all need some time out to reflect. It is important to set aside time to do this – away from distractions and interruptions. My preferred way of doing this is going for a walk.

Journaling

Another great aid to self-awareness and reflection is journaling. If you have not tried this before (or have struggled with it) have a look at Why journaling is important and how to start writing a journal.

Self-regulation 

Breathing techniques

Slowing down and taking some deep breaths do wonders for self-regulation. One of my favourite breathing techniques is this:

• Put out your hand and spread your fingers out. You can do this on a surface or with your hand on your body.
• Then with a finger from your other hand, slowly trace a line up and down each finger
• When your tracing finger goes up, you breathe in, and when it goes down you breathe out
• Work your way from small finger to thumb then back again. Take a moment to feel how much calmer you now feel.

Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are helpful statements about us and the world. They challenge negative thinking and wrong assumptions. Psychological research has proven something that various religions have known for millennia: that encouraging statements, said out loud or on a regular basis, can change our mindsets for the better. Here are ten good examples of positive affirmations:

1. I can change for the better
2. I can make a positive difference in the world
3. I am loved
4. I can forgive those that have hurt me
5. I am thankful for…
6. Today is a new day and a new start
7. I am blessed
8. I release anger and embrace love
9. I see that every obstacle is just a challenge and an opportunity for growth
10. I do not need to fear

Accountability

One great way to self-regulate is to get other people to help. Being accountable to friends, family and colleagues is important. If you are really committed to a goal or a change you want to make then having a coach is a proven way to improve accountability.

Motivation

Values

In understanding motivations, there is no better place to start than understanding your values. If you would like help with this read What Are Your Personal Values?

Goal setting

Setting goals and achieving them is great for building motivation and momentum. But, to give us the best chance of success we need to specify, state and shape the goals. You can use self-coaching questions to help set and achieve goals.

Visualisation

Picturing what you want to achieve, in as much detail and emotional content as possible is a powerful way to set our brains on the course to success. In this way, visualisation can help turn a dream into reality.

Empathy

Empathetic listening

Listening is a foundational skill. The more I learn the more I realise how fundamental listening – real listening – is to all communication. It takes practice to develop the focus and self-discipline to listen well but you can learn how.

Role-playing

Role-playing is a great way to practice being in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from another perspective. When I facilitate leadership courses, I often get people to practice work conversations from both sides – first playing the other person and then playing themselves – with a partner. It is amazing how transformative this can be.

Body language 

We all have some unconscious awareness of body language but if we want to be more empathetic then we need to have this in the conscious too, so we can pick up on the outward indicators of what is going on emotionally.

Social skills

Building rapport

Building rapport is the starting point of building a relationship. It is the entry point where we try to build trust, establish communications, and create a foundation for further engagement. Building rapport starts with being at ease with ourselves and then carrying that authenticity into our interactions.

Dealing with conflict

We always need to be emotionally aware but no more so than during challenging conversations. Even when dealing with conflict or answering really difficult questions there are approaches that we can practice to help us, such as the sandwich technique, where we start and finish with positives, keeping the hard facts in the centre of the communication.

Communication

We can all be better communicators but for leaders, it is essential that we can communicate effectively, often to large groups of people. Many people hate public speaking but it is possible to overcome their fear and even learn to love public speaking.

We can all be better

So, no matter how emotionally intelligent we might be, there is always an area we can improve in. In the areas listed above which one would you most like to improve on? Reflect on where you need to improve (self-awareness). Set yourself a goal (motivation), get someone to hold you accountable (self-regulation) and then see how you improve at perceiving emotions (empathy) and having more positive interactions with others (social skills).

Here are the books that I recommend the most to other people. The list reflects my favourite writings on leadership, management, work, strategy, decision-making and success in life.

I read (and listen to audible books) vociferously but these books have impacted me most and are ones that I keep re-reading, referring to and recommending to others.

You may well recognise a few but hopefully, you will find some to add to your reading list. I hope they help you as much as they have helped me!

For understanding how to be a leader and manager

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell is one of the best-selling leadership books of all time. One of the reasons is that it is easy to read and apply. If you are wanting to examine your strengths and weaknesses as a leader then this book is a great aid. I find that Maxwell’s definition of leadership as ‘influence’ as being one of the most useful paradigms for thinking about leadership, in all its forms.

For people who want to lead but don’t feel confident

There is little evidence to support the idea of people born to lead, but when you step into leadership (or it is thrust upon you) it can be daunting looking at all the confident looking executives that seem to be everywhere you look. The truth is, even experienced leaders can feel a lack of courage when faced with the challenges of leading authentically in an ever more challenging environment. That is why I recommend reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown no matter where you are on your leadership journey.

For people exploring their own or their company’s purpose

The obvious choice here is Start with Why by Simon Sinek. It is an easy and pleasurable book with a simple premise: why people do things is more important to understand than just what they do.

The other book I recommend is Good to Great by Jim Collins. It is a bit dated now, especially as some of the example companies have failed to remain great since publication, but there are still some great insights in this book such as the ‘hedgehog principle’ that helps to work out an organisation’s sweet-spot for success.

For understanding business strategy

Strategy is a common word in the business (as well as military and political) lexicon, but it is very hard to get any two people to agree on a definition of strategy, let alone how to make one. Good Strategy Bad Strategy by Richard Rumelt does a great job in sifting through what is and isn’t a strategy and then outlines the building blocks of developing a good one.

For leading people through change

Leadership is all about steering people through change. Change is a constant (and therefore so is the need for leadership) but this is often forgotten, particularly in large institutions. Another common mistake is trying to implement change management without the right leadership direction. Leading Change by John P. Kotter outlines the steps of successful change leadership, based on over 25 years of experience in the field.

For those starting a new business

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries is required reading for any entrepreneur and start-up, but should also be read for those working in larger corporations. Every size of business have to deal with complexity and fast-moving change, the principles of ‘lean’ organisations and agile management are relevant to all.

For people who want to understand and build teams

In terms of identifying team roles and helping team members understand each other, I still refer to R. Meredith Belbin’s work, captured in his book Team Roles at Work. The 9 roles, identified by Belbin in his research, are a useful framework for analysing or building any team.

For people who want to develop their communication, listening and soft skills

Good communication is dependent upon people’s ability to listen effectively. It turns out that is also the case for quality thinking as well. If you want to improve your active listening skills (and other so-called soft skills such as question technique and rapport building) then I cannot recommend the works of Nancy Kline highly enough. Her insights have transformed how I coach, facilitate meetings, even the way I talk to my family. Her first book, Time To Think is a great place to start.

For people who want to understand and influence groups

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini is the go-to book on this subject. The seven principles outlined in the book provide a real insight into influence at scale. But if you are wanting to influence lots of people and their decision-making then Nudge by Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein should be on your bookshelf too.

For people who want to understand and influence individuals

If you want to understand and influence people at a one-to-one level, then I recommend the book Rapport by Emily and Laurence Alison. The Alisons are world leaders in forensic psychology and have honed a framework for building rapport through 30 years of experience in trying to effectively communicate with the most challenging of people. It has been proven with terrorists, hardened criminals…even teenagers!

For people who want to improve their presentations and public speaking

Who doesn’t enjoy and admire a good TED talk? Well, the same principles that make a viral TED talk can be used in other presentations and public speaking engagements. The TED Talks official guide to public speaking by Chris Anderson is one of the most practical books on presentation skills you will find, and the evidence for it…well just go and see another TED talk!

For people who want to communicate an idea effectively

TED talks are all about communicating one big transformative idea. If you want to know how to make that idea go viral then read Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath. The Heath’s give you all the ingredients for turning an idea into a great story that people will remember and want to share.

For people who want to market and sell their idea

Once you have your idea, you have crafted it, packaged it and know how to communicate it, then you are ready to sell it. Daniel H. Pink’s book, To Sell is Human, is a great compliment to the other books listed above. It is particularly helpful if (like me) you are not a natural salesperson or can’t shake the negative connotations of marketing.

For people who only want to ever read one self-help book

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey was the first self-help book I ever read, and I still refer back to it. There is a good reason why it is still a best-seller today, there is a lot of wisdom to be found in the book, particularly around being ‘principled centred’, a theme which echoes in Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why.

For challenging the 9-5 culture and getting work-life balance

The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss is a provocative read. Tim Ferris uses hyperbole, over-simplification and clever marketing to get his point across, but his book is still a useful challenge to the ways we choose to work. It is always good to examine why we work the hours we do and how we can be more effective, even if we don’t want to fully buy into Ferris’ idea of the ‘new rich.’

If you are thinking of creating new ways of working within your organisation then I would also recommend Brave New Work by Aaron Dignan. Dignan gives practical advice that can help businesses function more effectively and is particularly poignant as teams seek new ways of operating in the post-pandemic world.

For understanding how decisions work

Simply put, Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman is the most influential book on decision-making in at least the last 20 years. Kahneman’s research has transformed the way we understand psychology, demonstrating the limits of human rationality, and thereby challenged a lot of traditional economics.  A must-read.

For integrating values into decision-making

If, after reading Kahneman, you want to think about how you make choices in line with your values or want to incorporate new decision-making processes into your organisation, then I recommend reading Principles by Ray Dalio. Dalio became a successful individual and built a highly successful company, by embedding his values into his decisions in life and work. He shares the principles and the approach in his book.

For people who want to be world-class in what they do

If you want to be excellent at what you do, in whatever field and with whatever skill, then it takes hard work and time. Most people are aware of the science of expertise due to Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling book Outliers, but it is Peak by Robert Pool and Anders Ericsson that best explains the secret to success and how deliberate practise makes the difference between good and exceptional people. Both are great books but if you read one, read Peak.

For people who want to develop better habits

Achieving our goals is generally down to our behaviours. Our success in being productive, in keeping fit and healthy, in learning new skills, is all dependent upon the habits we have, be they good or bad. If you want to properly analyse the habits you have and build new (and better) ones then read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

For people who want a healthier and more balanced life

There is a ton of advice out there about daily routines and examples of people who seem to get by with little sleep. But before you try to emulate any of them read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. The clinical research on sleep is eye-opening (excuse the pun) and the science will inform how you construct your days and nights. I radically changed my routines as a result of this book and feel healthier and more energetic as a result.

I am always reading and updating my book lists so do let me know your favourites or what you think of my recommendations above. Happy reading!

It was on one of my operational tours in the Balkans that the importance of trust in the workplace really came home to me. At short notice, I was deployed to an existing multi-national mission. I was given a team, drawn from various parts of the military, which had come together at equally short notice. As a leader, I was facing trust issues both externally and internally.

Externally, the other international partners were dubious about our commitment. The UK had been involved before but had then withdrawn. The new team was therefore met with scepticism by the very people I needed to establish good working relationships with.

Internally I had a group of people who had never worked together before and, coming from different branches of the army, were naturally prejudiced against each other. The tribal nature of the regimental system creates in-group/out-group biases that can be challenging to overcome. I knew I had work to do to change this mindset and culture.

To address these issues, I made sure I was honest about previous failings and transparent about what we wanted to contribute. Then, I picked challenging tasks, but ones we could deliver on, to help build my team together while delivering tangible results to the international headquarters. I also gave my team leaders latitude as to how they would achieve their tasks; I just mandated what they needed to do. It was not all smooth going but we did manage to develop a culture of trust both within the team and with our international partners, and because of this, we achieved our mission.

This is just one example where I have faced important issues of trust in the workplace. I can think of many more – both good and bad – where the whole culture of an organisation is affected by the trust people feel for one another.

What do we mean by trust and why is it important?

So hopefully, with the example I have shared, we start to get an idea of why trust is important. But before we get ahead of ourselves let’s just check what we mean by trust. Which words come to mind when you think about trust? How would you define it?

Trust can be thought of as faith, belief, hope, conviction, or confidence. From these synonyms, we can start to see that trust has both a logical and emotional quality. We choose to trust a thing because of how we think and how we feel.

In relationships, trust is foundational, whether that is with friends and family, or with colleagues at work. In this context trust can be defined thus:

“Trust is the willingness of a party to be vulnerable to the action of another party based on the expectation that the other will perform a particular action.”

Aljazzaf, Oerry, Capretz (2010)

So, whether we are starting to get to know someone and building rapport, or maintaining a long-lasting relationship, trust is critical. But, knowing this, how do you develop a culture of trust and psychological safety in the workplace?

The neuroscience of trust

The first thing we need to understand is how our brains work when it comes to trust. Paul J. Zak has spent many years studying the neuroscience of trust (HBR, 2017). His research has centred around how the hormone oxytocin is related to trust. His work demonstrated that higher levels of trust are linked to the brain producing higher levels of oxytocin.

It is great knowing that oxytocin helps to develop trust, but it is unlikely that we will be wanting to dose ourselves with synthetic hormones just to be more trusting! Fortunately, during his research, patterns emerged of actions that promoted oxytocin levels (positive behaviours) and things that inhibited its production (such as high stress). These were narrowed down to eight key behaviours that foster trust.

The 8 behaviours that foster trust in the workplace

So here are the eight behaviours, identified by Paul Zak, that can help to release oxytocin naturally and build a more trusting culture in the workplace:

1. Recognise excellence
2. Induce “challenge stress” (difficult but achievable tasks)
3. Give people discretion in how they do their work
4. Enable job crafting (let employees choose projects to work on)
5. Share information broadly
6. Intentionally build relationships
7. Facilitate whole-person growth
8. Show vulnerability

It is worth taking some time out to reflect on these. As a leader or manager, what are you doing to foster these behaviours? As an employee, how would you rate your team on each of these behaviours?

With these eight behaviours, we have started to link the neuroscience of trust to the psychology and practice of trusting cultures. As with the cultural iceberg, we are linking what is seen in an organisation with what is unseen. But there is another model that is worth being aware of, and that is the trust equation.

The Trust Equation – understanding the psychology of trust

Charles H. Green developed the Trust Equation, along with David Maister and Robert M. Galford, co-authors of The Trusted Advisor. They explored the psychology of trust by looking at professional services and how people relate to one another. The result of this study was the Trust Equation.

The equation is actually a measure of trustworthiness, in other words, how much trust we are willing to invest in a person. In this context, to have trust between two parties, you need someone who is trusting and another person who is trustworthy. The equation gets to the heart of that relationship.

Equation of Trustworthiness:

Trust (or Trustworthiness) = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/Self-Orientation

For clarity, it is worth exploring the terms that Green uses in the equation. Here are some questions you can ask to think about how someone might score against each of these terms.

Credibility (words)

• Is the person professionally credible; do they live up to their CV?
• Do the person’s words fit their actions?

Reliability (actions)

• Are they dependable?
• Will they do what they promise?

Intimacy (feelings)

• Do you feel safe or secure around the person?
• Do you trust that person with confidential or personal information?

Self-orientation

• Is a person self-centred, putting themselves before the needs of the vision and team?
• Are they self-obsessed (always framing an issue from their own perspective) or do they look at a situation more broadly?

If you want to quantify each factor you can give a numerical value (1-10) for the answer to each question. You can score someone you are thinking about (to better analyse that relationship) or you can score your team culture to examine the levels of trust within your workplace. Finally, you can also use this as a self-reflection exercise and examine how you perform in each area. Remember to think of evidence – of actual experiences – to back up your scores.

The steps to building trust

So, those are the steps to building trust. Understand the trust equation and you can quantify the levels of trust that you have with an individual or team. Then you can implement the eight behaviours to develop a more trusting culture in your workplace.

Therefore, which behaviour do you most need to work on today?

Here is a short introduction to some of the most important leadership theories, trends, and models. These can all be instructive in understanding your own leadership style, broadening your expertise, and giving you tools to improve as a manager.

Great-man theory

Great Man theory (1840) is one of the oldest leadership theories. It is the idea that true leaders – or heroes – are born with the innate ability to shape history. Thomas Carlyle was a historian, and he came up with the theory based on the examples of key historical figures such as Napoleon Bonaparte.

However, this premise – that leaders are born not made – has largely been refuted. The main importance of this theory is that it reveals how we have traditionally seen leaders. Carlyle’s also work gave impetus to the study of leadership and the development of further leadership theories.

Control and domination, power, and influence

Great Man theory was linked to the idea of power and that leaders would naturally dominate others by the strength of their personality. This school of leadership theory is summed up in Moore’s definition of leadership from 1927:

“The ability to impress the will of the leader on those led and induce obedience, respect, loyalty and cooperation.”

B.V. Moore at the May conference on leadership (1927)

The point to note here is that there is no reference to the responsibility a leader has for their followers or to any moral code. It took the extreme abuses of power, by the likes of Hitler, Mao, and Stalin in the first half of the twentieth century, for these ideas of leadership to be properly challenged.

Leadership traits and skills

Academics also started to identify the traits of leaders, to see what common characteristics made a good leader. In the early iterations of the theory, these traits were seen as inherited and linked to the idea of the Great Man, the charismatic male hero, who was tall and good-looking (Galton, 1869).

This school of thinking evolved into identifying more positive traits such as integrity, moral courage, and humility. Importantly there was also a shift towards characteristics that could be developed. As the emphasis moved from innate to acquired characteristics, the focus moved to identify leadership skills and behaviours that could be learned, such as communication, strategic thinking and decision-making.

Action-centred leadership

John Adair’s Action-Centred Leadership model (1979) was built on the premise that leadership skills and behaviours could be taught and adopted.

The simple idea behind Action-Centred Leadership is the need to balance the three core management priorities of task, team and individual. A good leader must continuously seek to achieve the task, build the team, and support the development of each individual.

Transactional and transformational leadership theories

James MacGregor Burns took the ideas of influence and behaviour in another direction when he defined the difference between Transactional and Transformational leadership (1978).

Transactional leadership is management using a carrot and stick approach. This functional style relies on basic human needs such as income and job security. These elements are related to the lower end of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Transformational leadership goes beyond transactional leadership. This type of leader seeks to inspire people with a compelling vision, and lead them to self-actualisation, at the top of the Maslow pyramid. Bernard Bass (1985) built on the work of Burns and defined the key behaviours of the transformational leader as being:

• a positive role model,
• providing encouragement and
• supporting followers to fulfil their potential.

Situational leadership theory (flexible leadership)

The Situational leadership model, developed by Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard, (1985) took leadership theory in another slightly different direction. Their model is about having a flexible approach. It demonstrates how a leader can adapt their management style depending upon the experience of the team and individuals they are working with, while also considering the environment and circumstances they find themselves in. The leader chooses their approach – either delegating, supporting, coaching, or directing – depending upon the situation.

Values-based leadership

Values-based leadership developed in response to various moral failings of prominent leaders. This school of leadership – related to trait theory – encompasses both servant leadership and authentic leadership models.

The central idea is that the values-based leader has a strong moral compass and leads according to their personal values and the shared values of their organisation or community. This model stresses the importance of being a good leader, not just a charismatic one, and the ability to make the right – or ethical decisions – not just effective, or bold choices.

Servant leadership theory

The idea of ‘the servant as leader’ was developed by Robert Greenleaf (1977). This model of servant leadership is primarily about motivation. The servant-leader wants to serve others and society by raising up new leaders and helping people move towards a positive vision of the future. They are not seeking power for themselves, instead, servant leaders share power and empower others.

Toxic or bad leaders

At the other end of the scale, academics also started to identify the opposite of values-based or good leaders. Marcia Lynn Whicker popularised the term ‘toxic leader’ (1996) and various models have been developed to identify such bad leadership.

For example, Barbara Kellerman’s study (2004) identified seven types of bad leaders. These are:

• Incompetent
• Rigid
• Intemperate
• Callous
• Corrupt
• Insular
• Evil

Authentic leadership theory

The term authentic leadership was first popularised by leadership practitioner Bill George (2003). He wrote a book, by the same name, in response to failures of senior corporate management, such as the fraudulent behaviour that led to the fall of the energy giant Enron (2001). George advocated for leaders of “purpose, values and integrity” rather than those motivated by greed and power.

Georges’s academic colleagues, Bruce Avolio and William Gardner, then developed models around this concept identifying the key behaviours or traits of an authentic leader. These included:

• Self-awareness and self-regulation
• Balanced processing of information
• Relational transparency
• Strong sense of morality

Why leadership theory is important

So that is a very quick introduction to some of the key leadership schools, theories, and models.

Theory can be dry but understanding these models is important for the following reasons:

• They give us language and concepts that help us reflect on our leadership experience and the conduct of others.
• They give us tools to use in our leadership practice
• They act as signposts to ways we can develop and grow as leaders

And you can start now. Take a few moments to reflect. Which of the leadership theories above most intrigues you? What does this model reveal about your own leadership? Which tool could you apply in the interactions you have today?

How self-assured are you? Are you confident of your success, in your life, work and relationships? If you are unsure, then you are not alone. 85% of Americans suffer from low esteem, according to research by Dr Joe Rubino. This lack of confidence affects more than just our feelings, it impacts our earnings too. Best-selling author Barrie Davenport observes that,

“One of the main obstacles to financial success is low self-confidence.”

Further studies, such as those highlighted by Francesco Drago, have shown that more confident people earn more. In fact, they earn a lot more; it can amount to thousands of extra dollars a year. Not only that, (and arguably more importantly) having greater confidence improves our relationships and overall wellbeing.

So, confidence is a big deal. The important question then becomes: can we improve our confidence, and if so, then how?

Can you become more confident?

Isn’t confidence just a character thing? Surely you either have it or you don’t? That is what many people think, and, indeed, some people are naturally more confident than others. But that does not mean that our self-esteem levels are fixed. We can learn to be more confident.

The evidence is there but I can also speak from personal experience. When I was younger, I was not naturally a confident character. I was introverted, very sensitive to how people perceived me, easily embarrassed, and I did not like to take the lead. Now, having been in various senior management positions and done a lot of public speaking, this comes as a surprise to people.

One of the things that helped me build confidence in my younger years was acting. School plays allowed me to take on another persona. When I put on a mask or costume, I felt I could become a more self-assured version of myself. I later came to realise that I could do this without having to step onto a stage. Without knowing it I stumbled on a truth that Dr Ian Robertson has explored in his book How Confidence Works.

How Confidence Works

Dr Robertson’s research has identified the two critical psychological elements of confidence, which he calls ‘can do’ and ‘can happen.’  The ‘can do’ part is the intrinsic belief that we can do something. The ‘can happen’ element is the assurance that our actions can make a differ our given situation.

The combination of these beliefs can lead to four different states of mind:

• Can’t do/can’t happen. This is an apathetic state where a person believes they are not good enough and anything they did would fail anyway. In other words, they have a fixed rather than a growth mindset. This state of low self-esteem is also linked to low dopamine levels which further dampens energy levels. For example, if someone wanted to lose weight but did not believe they had enough willpower, and that even if they did, then changing their diet would not work anyway, then they would be in this can’t do/can’t happen mindset.

• Can do/can’t happen. Here the belief is that an individual can act, but that any effort would be wasted as it would not change the situation. As well as undermining confidence this state can lead to resentment and be expressed by anger at a situation. Using the previous example about losing weight, here a person might believe they can change their diet, but it would not have the desired effect. They might blame their own body, the diet itself or some other factor.

• Can’t do/can happen. Here a person might believe that something is possible but just not for them. A goal becomes something that other people achieve but the individual’s low self-esteem holds them back from trying. Past failures can invoke this state of mind. When it comes to the example of losing weight a lot of people find themselves in this situation. They have tried to get fitter, and have struggled to achieve lasting success, and this has led to a mindset where they no longer have the confidence to try.

• Can do/can happen. This is the optimal state of high confidence. It combines the self-esteem of an individual, confidence that they can do something, along with the positive outlook that a situation can be changed. Using the dieting example once again, in this mindset a person would believe that they can change their behaviours – such as what they eat – and that the resultant change would lead to achieving their goal of losing weight.

5 factors that affect confidence

Dr Ian Robertson goes on to highlight five things to be aware of to improve confidence, these are language, attention, memory, imagery, and posture. By embracing the positive aspects of these factors (and limiting the negative ones) we can get into the can do/can happen mindset. Let’s look at each one in turn:

Language

Words are powerful and the words we use of ourselves, both internally and externally, really do matter. Humility is good but not thinking too highly of yourself is not the same as thinking too little of yourself. Negative self-talk, things like “I am not good enough” or a pessimistic outlook such as “things never change in this organisation” undermines the can do/can happen state. Confident language, both internal and external, needs to be positive, even if that is just “I can learn to do this” or “I can make a difference, no matter how small.”

Attention

Our attention is important because we move towards whatever we choose to focus on. It is like driving, you must fix your eyes on where you want to go, even (and in some ways most importantly) when you feel we are skidding out of control. As in life as with driving, if you focus on the obstacle, you are more likely to hit it. Instead, we need to give our attention to positive feelings, thoughts and where we want to go.

Memory

Memories can either help or hinder us. Remembering past successes and positive experiences can get us into the can-do/can-happen mode. If we have done something successfully before we can recall that moment and think “I can do this, I know it.” Equally, we can undermine our confidence by bringing to mind our past failures. This is why sports psychologists spend so much time helping players learn to quickly leave behind the last bad stroke, kick or ball, to stop that memory from undermining the next serve, pass or play.

Imagery

Similarly, to memory, visualisation can be very powerful and is a power harnessed by top athletes. Even if we have not done something successfully before, we can make new connections in our brains that hardwire us for success by rehearsing the events in our minds. Visualisation not only new neural pathways it also prepares our bodies for physical activity. But, if we choose to focus on the negatives and all the possible things that could go wrong, it will have the opposite effect.

Posture

As we have seen with memory and imagery, our psychology affects our physiology. This works the other way around too. How we use our bodies can positively or negatively impact our confidence and feelings in general. Many people know non-verbal communication cues such as crossing your arms in front of your body. This closed body language indicates a defensive mindset. But it also creates a defensive mindset. If you stand tall, pull your shoulders back and look people in the eye, your brain will interpret the physical signals. The result is that you will feel more confident.

How to develop your confidence

Scientific research demonstrates that we can all improve our confidence. If we get ourselves into the can-do/can-happen mindset we can think and act differently. To help us, we can use positive language, attention, memory, imagery, and posture to reinforce our feelings or confidence and set us up for success.

Tennis legend Venus Williams summed things up well in her New York Times interview in 2018:

“I feel that I owe my own success to my belief in myself and have found that confidence can be learned and developed. In fact, my own self-confidence is something I work on every day, just like going to the gym or training on the court.”

So, take a leaf out of Venus’ book and work on your confidence today and every day. Become a more confident version of yourself and enjoy the benefits. Confidence can bring wealth and success at work, but also it enriches relationships and will help you to be at peace with yourself.

I have just been away on what I would call a retreat in the Dolomites, the beautiful Italian mountains. There I was surrounded by the glory of nature and removed from the constant demands of work. Sounds a bit like a vacation, doesn’t it?

What is a retreat?

What does it mean to go on a retreat? It is not quite like a holiday, but it is a break from usual work. The difference is in the purpose. The idea of going on a retreat has spiritual origins. It is the physical removal of self from normal life to allow time for contemplation. The idea might be to reflect on character, purpose, values, motivation, or a combination of similar things. A lot of people go on organised retreats at special centres and with groups but it can also be done individually, as I have done.

A retreat is not fleeing in the face of adversity or running away from trouble. The military concept of a retreat (not a rout and fleeing in the face of the enemy) is a good analogy. A retreat, or withdrawal, is a considered action. It is a purposeful stepping back from the front line to allow time to regroup, recuperate and reconsider plans.

So, what is the purpose of my retreat? I was away to recharge my batteries, find space to think creatively and to reflect. I find that when I get some distance I can examine my plans and decisions from a different perspective.

Re-energising

Rest is important. It is critical to performance and yet we often neglect our own rest, particularly our sleep. If you are not convinced that you need at least seven hours of sleep per night to be at your best then you need to read Why We Sleep by Dr Matthew Walker.

Therefore, it is important to protect our downtime if we want to maintain our ability to perform well. I have learned that I need to put breaks into my diary – be that daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly – so that they become protected space and don’t get forced out by other needs. For example, this week of retreat has been blocked out in my calendar for months. If it hadn’t been then it would have been swallowed up in work.

Taking time out can feel like a dip in productivity, but actually, the re-energising and other benefits of resting increase our output in the long run. It also helps us avoid burnout.

For me an important part of the re-energising process is exercise. I have never been one for just lying on the beach, even when on vacation, and so on retreat I also like to keep active. This is not just a preference though. As scientists, such as Professor Jeff Edwards have shown, that physical exercise not only increases our energy levels, and improves our stamina, it also invigorates the brain, improves memory and reduces stress. And the exercise does not need to be overly strenuous (not all the time at least); walking is a prime example of an easy exercise that has a host of benefits.

I find it very hard to exercise in the gym for more than an hour. Generally, my workouts average 30-40 minutes. But in the mountains, the hours can slip by. Just walking up a hill can keep me in a constant aerobic state, pushing the body, but at a sustainable pace. It’s a great way to keep in shape. If you want to shed some pounds, then go and pound the trails in the hills!

Creative space

A retreat also gives time to think. The busyness and stresses of everyday life can stifle thought, particularly creativity and effective decision-making. Therefore, we need to make space to think, even to allow our minds to wander. When we give ourselves occasion for our thoughts to drift it allows the subconscious to work and new ideas will surface.

To help this creative process I love to be out in the natural world. And I am not alone here. From Hippocrates to Wordsworth, Newton to Steve Jobs, great thinkers, poets, and leaders down through the years have used walking and the inspiration of nature for this purpose.

I find being out in creation feeds the senses as well as being a balm for the soul. When I walk and I let my thoughts drift my senses then become alive to the external world. The smell of wet grass or meadow flowers. The sound of wind through the trees, of rain drumming on the tent. Feeling the crunch of leaves underfoot or the rock beneath the fingers when climbing. And taste? No food tastes better or a drink sweeter than after an adventure!

So, if you want to think more creatively then take a walk on the wild side; get out of the home or the office and lose yourself for a bit in the great outdoors.

Reflecting

With the right environment and activity, that creative thought can be coupled with purposeful reflection. Creativity is not just about artistic endeavour, it is about finding new way ways of thinking about and doing things. We may even find new purpose and direction when we reflect in this way. And here lies some of the deeper power of going on a retreat.

Self-improvement starts with self-awareness, and time away to reflect allows us to consider where we are, what we are doing and why. These where, what, and why questions relate to the concepts of vision, mission, and values.

When I am away on a retreat, I think about my personal values and how they align with my decisions. I recall my dreams and reflect on my progress towards that vision. Also, I consider my life’s mission and then reflect upon how I am doing in the pursuit of that purpose. I then think about my goals and assess whether those goals are supporting my vision, values, and mission.

Having gone through this process of reflection you can then be confident that any new goals that you set, or existing goals that you refine, will be in-line with your greater direction.

If you have never considered what your values, vision or mission might be then going on a retreat is the perfect time to do just that. If you are feeling angry, unhappy, or frustrated, there is a good chance that you are out of alignment with one or all of these things. It can be very hard to create the space to even grapple with these ideas, but unless you do you run the risk of remaining trapped in a negative situation. It is very easy to do; I know this as I have personal experience with this sort of challenge or mid-life crisis.

Why not go on a retreat yourself?

So why should you go on a retreat? Going on a retreat will help to re-energise you, and give you space to think creatively, and time to reflect. If you truly want to be productive and effective in what you do (and enjoy doing it) then setting aside time to consider your life’s purpose and your personal values, vision and mission is vital. It might be you want to go on an organised retreat or, like me, to head to the mountains for a while, but have a think about what might work for you.

Worried about getting the time to go on retreat? In time gone by people have gone on retreats for long periods but even a week might seem like a lot. If that is the case, then how about a long weekend or just a weekend? If you are really struggling, then even a day can be helpful. And I can guarantee, if you take that space – however long you can manage – and use the time well, then you will feel the benefit and want to do it again. Chances are that then, the next time, you will find some more time!

Many assume that having served in the army, formal military leadership training has helped me the most as a leader. While this training has been invaluable, plenty of other experiences have been crucial to my development. Somewhat surprisingly, one of the things that have been a huge part of my personal development has been skiing. Here is why.

Adventure helps us grow

I have always loved adventure. Getting outdoors, into the wild, and doing crazy things has always given me joy, but it has also provided another vital function; it has been the environment where I have learned the most about myself and been challenged to grow, both in character and as a leader.

In all of this skiing has a very special place, both in my heart and in my personal development. Here is the reason why.

A near disaster

I did not start to learn to ski until I was 18 years old, and it took a negative experience to kick-start this process. I can still vividly remember the exact moment I vowed that I would learn. At the time I was about halfway up the side of Mont Blanc.

I was on a mountaineering expedition, but we were trying to climb the peak early in the season and there was still a lot of snow. Too much. We were trying to wade through snow that was often up to the knees or even thigh depth. As a result, our progress was a lot slower than it should have been, putting us in danger, both from avalanche risk and fatigue. We were running out of water and the altitude was also taking its toll. As our physical and mental capacities drained away, our decision-making capabilities were also eroded. Therefore, we were at an ever-increasing risk of an accident.

No one else on the mountain was stupid enough to be on foot. Every other person was on skis. They were using ski touring equipment that allowed them to walk up on skis and then ski back down. The skis meant that they were not sinking into the soft snow in the way we were. It was the first time I had ever seen this done and it struck me that this was a faster, safer (and much more enjoyable) approach compared to the one we had chosen.

Extreme goal setting

It was mid-afternoon and we had been climbing for about twelve hours by then. I was stuck on a steep slope, waiting for other team members to ascend a rope. I had dug a small bucket seat in the snow, and I watched another group cruise past on skis, making their way back down the mountain. They had reached to top a long time ago.

I was on a slope that was a significant avalanche risk but – somewhat scarily – by then I was too tired to really care. All I remember was that it was at that moment when I promised myself, I would learn to ski, and then I would come back and do things differently.

Fortunately, we finally made it to the top, and then safely back down Mont Blanc. The experience had nearly put me off mountaineering for good. But I remembered my promise and my goal. I would learn to ski. Then I would come back.

Achieving the goal

Over the next few years, I carried on climbing but I also started to learn to ski. At that time, I was studying in Edinburgh so, when there was snow on the Scottish mountains I would head up for the day (even at the cost of a few lectures).

For those who have not had the dubious pleasure of skiing in the Cairngorms then I can say that it is not a place I generally recommend for novice skiers. The weather is changeable, the snow quality unpredictable, the slopes are short, and the lifts are cold. On the upside, if you can ski in a gale, over a mixture of frozen heather and rock, all while battling the onset of hypothermia, then you can pretty much ski anywhere! It certainly provided good training for later exploits in the arctic regions.

As well as battling the conditions in Scotland, I booked myself onto some (relatively) cheap skiing holidays in the Alps where I could get some proper instruction. I also invested in some ski mountaineering equipment so I could practice walking up, as well as cruising down, the slopes on skis. This also required special instruction but fortunately, I knew a mountain guide who helped me with the basics.

Realising the dream

I progressed quickly in my skiing ability, but it was ten years before I fully realised my goal. By then I was an officer in the British Army and I organised an expedition to ski the Haute Route, across the Alps from Chamonix in France to Zermatt in Switzerland, and therefore got to revisit the slopes around Mont Blanc, this time on skis.

Now, with this goal accomplished, I coupled my new skill (and passion) with another dream. I had always wanted to do a real ‘first’. To go somewhere that no one else had been or do something no one else had done before. And so, over the next few years, I built on my experience and improved my skills, ski mountaineering in Norway, Russia, and Svalbard (and yes, Scotland) to the point where I was able to go to Greenland and make first recorded ascents and descents of some mountains on skis.

The journey of self-discovery and leadership development

Ok, so nice story, but why is it important in terms of personal development and leadership? Well, it is relevant on quite a few levels.

Values

Firstly, it relates to realising the importance of my values. I had always loved adventure, but it was this journey that helped me understand that adventure was a personal value that impacted not just my holiday choices but my approach to everyday life. Adventure brings passion and fun into what I do and how I develop as a leader.

Goals and dreams

The experience also taught me a lot about setting and achieving audacious goals. The thing I wanted to do were not just physically challenging, they required money and time. I had to work hard and save to afford to do the things I wanted to. It took ten years to achieve the first goal and fifteen to fulfil the eventual dream.

Character and resilience

And this investment of time and money is related to another product of this journey. It took determination to see the plan through. How many times did I crash, get cold and wet, feel tired or wanted to give up? Too many to count. It took grit to get up and keep going. There were plenty of times when I was disheartened by my progress or disappointed when plans failed. I had to develop a growth mindset.

But as I kept going, I found my confidence – not just in my skiing ability but in myself generally – was growing. I was also more resilient, both physically and mentally, and I carried that resilience into all aspects of my work and life.

Leadership and management

As I learned to lead myself, I also improved in my leadership of others. I had to be a good follower to develop my skills. Then I had to be a good planner and manager to organise trips. Then I found I had a vision, a dream that other people could share. And so, almost without knowing it, I developed into a leader that people wanted to follow.

Embrace challenge

Not surprisingly, given my story, I am passionate about helping people on their leadership journey and helping them embrace challenges. Challenge does not always come in a physical form, they can come in many small and unexpected ways every day, but we can also create opportunities that stretch us. If we truly want to develop as individuals and as leaders, then we must continue to push ourselves. It is like elite sports, as managers we are either training ourselves or we are losing our competitive edge. There is little room for complacency.

So, what are you doing to get outside your comfort zone? How are you building your confidence and resilience? What are you doing to be a better boss?

Commit to something that will take you out of your comfort zone. And if you are short on ideas then drop me a line. For example, I will be working with a group of senior leaders in March 2023, who are all looking to do just this. And guess what we will be doing as we learn together?

Yes, skiing!

Why not come along as well? if you would like more details, please do contact me.

Can you remember a time when your pulse was racing at work? Perhaps you recall a moment when you went red in the face in a meeting or needed to stop and take some deep breaths. Maybe you felt tense when being told of a task or broke a sweat trying to beat a deadline.

These physical reactions are common and were most likely linked to emotions such as fear, frustration, or anger. Most people experience this kind of agitated psychological state at some time or another in their jobs. These physiological, fight-or-flight responses, still manifest even though relatively few people’s professions involve a threat to their physical person.

And that can be a problem as these experiences can have a negative impact on cognition. Something that feels unfair can derail you. Feeling isolated can reduce productivity. Being disempowered undermines creativity and decision-making. Concerns about job security make it hard to concentrate.

So why does this fight-or-flight response kick in and what can we do about it?

Fight or flight, reward, and threat

The fight-or-flight response was first described by Walter Bradford Canon in 1915. It is also referred to as, the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response, but the basic physiological and neurological aspects are the same in all cases.

Our neurobiology dictates our responses to external stimuli. In other words, our brains are wired to react in certain ways in certain circumstances. If we perceive a situation to be rewarding, we will act in one way, if we find it threatening, we will respond in another.

The fight-and-flight reaction is primarily there to help us survive physical threats. This human behaviour is similar to many animal species’ responses and is triggered within the amygdala, one of the oldest parts of the brain (in evolutionary terms).

The Amygdala hijack

Interestingly (but often unhelpfully), even with the scarcity of sabre-tooth tigers in the office, these fight-or-flight responses are initiated by our social interactions. And the problem with this is the threat of amygdala hijack; where one part of the brain overrides the functions of other parts of the brain as it pumps stress hormones into the body.

Amygdala hijack happens when the amygdala interprets something as threatening and then sends a signal to the hypothalamus, the brain’s command centre. The hypothalamus then stimulates the sympathetic nervous system which activates the adrenal glands, pumping epinephrine (adrenaline) into the bloodstream. This adrenaline prompts physical effects such as expanded airways, an increased pulse and heightened heart pressure. Senses – such as sight and hearing – are sharpened and sweat glands are opened. The epinephrine also starts a release of glucose and other nutrients into the bloodstream.

These changes impact other parts of the brain. The frontal lobes, the areas of the brain that deal with reasoning, decision-making, planning and evaluating emotions, can be temporarily crippled. The amygdala overrides the frontal lobes if it perceives something as a significant threat. When this happens, our responses become more primal and less rational.

All these things prepare the body for action; to fight or to run away. This is useful if you are stepping into a boxing ring or up to compete in a race, but slightly problematic if you are stepping up to give a presentation or to meet a new client. So what can we do?

The best way to manage those physical symptoms is by taking some deep breaths. This will allow the initial flush of hormones to pass and for our rational minds to clear. Next, we can diagnose the cause of the symptoms by considering the social triggers.

YouTube Video: Fight or Flight and Amygdala Hijack

What is the SCARF model and who created it?

The SCARF model summarises the main social circumstances that prompt reward or threat responses. The SCARF model was invented by David Rock, author of Your Brain at Work. David Rock developed the tool using the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology.

The letters in the SCARF model stand for:

• Status

• Certainty

• Autonomy

• Relatedness

• Fairness

These are all concepts that can trigger feelings of reward or threat in social engagements.

We move away from what we perceive as threatening situations, either consciously or unconsciously. These are the ones that trigger the fight-or-flight response. By contrast, we are drawn towards situations of potential reward. So, the elements of the SCARF model prompt either toward or away behaviours, depending upon the context.

Here is a fuller explanation of each element in turn:

Status

Status is about where people feel they are in the pecking order. It is about power but also about recognition.

Certainty

Certainty is all about how well we feel we can predict the future. It relates to predictability in our lives and minimising unexpected changes.

Autonomy

Autonomy is the feeling of having choices and being empowered to make decisions. It makes us agents of change, rather than change being forced upon us.

Relatedness

Is about feeling safe in our relationships and is tied to concepts of trust and trustworthiness. We are drawn towards being connected with others and fear being isolated or ostracised.

Fairness

Fairness is how we feel about our exchanges and interactions and whether we consider them equitable.

An example of applying the SCARF model

Here is a painful personal experience explained using the SCARF model. It is one I can still vividly remember, as I was triggered across all the zones of the SCARF framework. It happened when I was a young Army Officer.

I was a Lieutenant on a training exercise, and even though I did not have my own platoon or troop at that point I had been preparing to lead a team for the deployment. Initially, for the exercise, I had not been given a defined role, so I worked to find areas where I could add value and take responsibility.

Then, just before the final phase of the exercise, my commanding officer – who obviously had formed a low opinion of me – informed me that I was not going to be a platoon leader. Instead, I was assigned as the deputy of a section (a smaller team). When I received the news, I was shocked. My whole body went tense, and red mist clouded my thoughts.

SCARF diagnosis:

My status was undermined. I am not obsessed with rank or position but here I suffered the shame of being publicly demoted. My line manager had deliberately pushed me down. I felt demeaned.

The certainty I had about what I was doing was taken away. The role I had been preparing for was taken from me and I even started to fear for my future in the military. If this was how my senior officer rated me, what was I even doing as an officer in the army?

My autonomy was eroded. The plans I’d made had been trashed and now my decision-making capacity had been reduced further due to being put in a junior position.

My relatedness to my colleagues and those in my team was also negatively impacted. Everyone could see what had happened and this made relationships uncomfortable. It was particularly awkward for the junior manager who now nominally had me under his authority. The whole team dynamic was undermined.

And the whole situation went against fairness. I did not feel I deserved to be humiliated in this way. It was also not fair on the team I was been assigned to.

At the time I wanted to either punch someone or run away. Fortunately, circumstances intervened, and I was called away to other duties, but the whole experience knocked my self-confidence in a way that took a long time to recover. I was left feeling bitter and stressed.

Use the SCARF model to understand and improve your social interactions

So next time you step into a social situation apply your neuroleadership (your new understanding of neuroscience and leadership) and remember the SCARF model. How do the various social interactions make you feel? How are you drawn towards some people and away from others?

If you feel your body moving into fight-or-flight mode (but you are not physically threatened), take a few deep breaths and then diagnose the cause. Is your status threatened? Do you feel a lack of certainty, or perhaps reduced autonomy? Is the situation eroding your relatedness or your feelings of fairness? What might you do to restore your balance?

If you are a manager planning a meeting with a subordinate, consider how the SCARF elements might impact the other person. How can you make sure that person feels valued (status), unflustered (certainty), that they have choices (autonomy), they are part of a team (relatedness), and are being treated well (fairness)?

Are you working for a toxic leader? Do you have the kind of boss that makes you dread going to the office? What is it that makes them a bad manager?

Marcia Lynn Whicker popularised the term ‘toxic leader’ (1996) and the phrase is frequently used to describe bad leaders. But what does it actually mean? Sometimes we implicitly know that we are working for a terrible boss, but it can be hard to explain why.

The seven types of bad leadership

Fortunately, researchers have developed various models to identify the traits of bad leaders. For example, Barbara Kellerman conducted a study in 2004, motivated by the desire to define the characteristics of a toxic leader.

“In spite of all the work on leadership that assumes it by definition to be good, I describe how we exercise power, authority, and influence in ways that do harm.”

Barbara Kellerman

Kellerman identified seven traits of bad leaders. These are:

• Incompetent
• Rigid
• Intemperate
• Callous
• Corrupt
• Insular
• Evil

The first three sorts of leaders in this list are ineffective, the last three are unethical. So, let’s look at each one in more detail.

Incompetent

Does your boss not know what they are doing? Are they lacking the requisite skills or experience for the job? Are they constantly making the sort of mistakes you would not expect of someone in their position?

If the answer is yes then you may well be working for an incompetent manager.

Sometimes a person is simply not qualified to do a job. There is the danger for any leader (and here we need some self-awareness too) that someone can be promoted to the point of incompetence. In other words, just because a person is good in one role does not mean they will excel in a more senior position.

This sort of promotion mistake happens frequently at lower levels of management. People are frequently appointed to management because of time served or technical ability. This can lead to frustration or failure within a team. That is why careful selection and appropriate training are vital for each leadership responsibility stratum. This is best demonstrated in the skill framework of Robert Katz which shows differing needs for technical, human and conceptual skills as we progress through our careers and take on more responsibility.

Rigid

Is your boss closed to new ideas (or other people’s ideas)? Does your manager doggedly stick to a process, no matter the context? If they initiate a project are they unable to adapt it, or if necessary, kill it off?

In this case, we are most likely talking about a rigid leader, someone who may well have skills and experience but are unwilling to change.

By contrast, good leaders display flexibility. They are flexible of mind; open to new ideas and willing to change if the evidence shows that is the right thing to do. They are also able to apply Situational Leadership and adopt a style that suits the setting.

Intemperate

Does your line manager lose their temper easily? Is your boss hard to predict? Do your team leader’s emotions lurch from one extreme to another?

Here we are looking at an intemperate leader.

Bad leaders lack self-control. They struggle to manage their emotions or to see the impact of their emotions upon others. They display a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence.

Good leaders are not zombies. They do express themselves and demonstrate vulnerability, but they are also balanced. Effective managers are stable and conscious of how their emotional state affects the team. This balance is one of the key traits of being an Authentic Leader.

Callous

Is your boss self-centred? Is their language full of ‘me’ rather than ‘we’? Are they uncaring or blind to the needs of others?

If this is the case, then you are probably experiencing a callous leader.

The callous leader is petty and unkind. They are also selfish as they interpret the world primarily through its impact upon them, rather than considering others. This trait is dangerous as it destroys trust. In the trust equation it is self-orientation that is the denominator; the thing that undermines trustworthiness in any relationship. For a leader in a team, this can have dire consequences.

Good managers are considerate of others. This is best exemplified by Servant Leadership, where the leader is measured by how they develop the people they lead (serve) and work with them to achieve the goal.

Corrupt

Is your boss economic with the truth? Are they happy to climb over others, and gain an advantage by any means, on their way up the slippery pole of promotion? Do they take liberties with their expenses or other company resources?

If so, then your manager may well be corrupt to one degree or another.

Corruption is a lack of normal morals. People who do not see themselves as tied to usual precepts are happy to lie, cheat or steal to get want they want. That could be in pursuit of a goal, promotion or more money, but it is driven by self-interest.

This corruption is at odds with values-based leadership, where good leaders have a strong moral compass. A good leader is not just charismatic and successful; they also make ethical choices.

Insular

Does your leader hold onto power? Do they display a lack of equity in how they treat people? Does your boss have specific cronies and hangers-on?

This describes an insular leader.

An insular leader discriminates between people in a negative way. They have in-groups and out-groups; people whom they favour over others. These sorts of leaders do not share power with equality (if at all) and will strive to maintain their power dynamic by pushing others down.

Good leaders are not insular. A good manager is even-handed and will balance the needs of the task, the team and the individual (as in Action-Centred Leadership). They also encourage everyone in their team to flourish and grow. This is key to being a Transformational Leader.

Evil

Does your boss create an environment of fear? Are they destructive and immune to the damage they cause? Do they believe they are above concepts of right and wrong?

Here we are describing an evil leader.

I very much hope that your boss cannot be described as evil. Unfortunately, history shows us that such leaders do exist and can climb to the very top of any organisation. These leaders see themselves as ‘Great Men’ (and they are more frequently male) and seek power without moral responsibility.

Evil leaders accept no restraint. They will contemplate deliberate physical or psychological harm to others if it gets them what they want. And this behaviour reinforces itself if it works, in an ever-downward spiral. The evil leader will follow down that ever more destructive path if they are allowed to continue. Therefore, we all have a responsibility to look out for and challenge this sort of leadership.

A good leader does not achieve results by any means. A good leader, particularly one with large amounts of influence, surrounds themselves with people who can challenge them and stop absolute power from corrupting absolutely.

What to do if you have a toxic boss

So, if you think you are working for a toxic boss, consider these seven traits and identify what it is that makes them a bad leader.

Are they incompetent, rigid, intemperate, or callous? If yes, then it is likely their leadership is ineffective. They will not be building high-performing teams that continue to excel and deliver. The behaviour displayed here is unprofessional and it means that as well as being ineffective, the leader is not going to be a good role model.

Alternatively, they may be corrupt, insular, or just plain evil. In this case, the leader is immoral. These leaders undermine the values of an organisation. At worst, the impact of these immoral leaders can spread beyond just the team they work with. They can damage communities and even society as a whole. If you are working for this sort of leader you may well need to take some personal responsibility and find an appropriate channel to report any unethical or unlawful behaviour.

The bottom line is, if you are working for any sort of bad leader then consider your options. Are things likely to change and if so, then how? Can you challenge their behaviour? Is there someone you can speak to? Can you move teams?

It can be really tough in these situations (I know, I have been there too) but don’t just be a victim and just accept the unacceptable. Think about ways you can take some ownership of the situation.

Learning from bad leaders

There is one positive that comes from working for a toxic boss. There is no more powerful lesson in what it means to be a good leader than working for a bad one.

So, if you are pointing the finger at someone else today, ensure that you also reflect on your leadership. What do you not want to become? We all have weaknesses that could lead us to excesses in one or more of these areas. So be self-aware and do whatever you need to do to avoid evolving into that toxic personality.

As a leader, I often have to speak, at short notice, to various groups of people. This might be in the context of a meeting, while facilitating training, or even at a social function where I might be asked to “say a few words”. When this happens, I have a simple hack that helps me prepare, even if I have just a few seconds. That hack is the rule of 3.

Using the rule of three I quickly come up with three main points that become the structure of any impromptu public speaking. Equally, when I write an essay or article, I start by identifying three core arguments or facts. And again, when decision-making, I generate three courses of action before making my choice.

So, the rule of 3 can be used in many different contexts, but why three? What makes us use trios of information?

What is the rule of three and where does it come from?

The rule of 3 is very simple. Any time you use a triad of information in your communication you are using the rule of 3. A lot of the time we do it unconsciously but there is a long history of using the rule of three to structure stories, speeches, and teachings.

Caesar exclaimed “Veni, Vidi, Vici!” (I came, I saw, and I conquered) but even before that,  Aristotle recommended the following three-part structure for successful rhetoric:

1. Ethos –first establish credibility and character
2. Logos – then bring in the rational argument and facts
3. Pathos –then engage the emotions and connect with an audience

Why are threes so powerful and memorable?

So, history demonstrates that there is something about triads that connects with us on a psychological level and supports effective communication. The rule of 3 certainly encourages clarity, brevity, and memorability.

More recently, neuroscience research has shown that we can generally only remember 3-5 pieces of information. The more complex the information the harder it is to recall all the elements, so it is no surprise that psychologically we fixate on threes. We also forget huge amounts of information, and the attrition of data happens almost immediately (as shown by Ebbinghaus’ Forgetting Curve). Therefore, using a clear structure as with the rule of 3 encourages better recall.

How do you use the rule of three?

The rule of 3 is most associated with writing and is one of the easiest modes to practice using the method. Authors use it at the micro and macro scales and you can too. At the small level, a sentence might include a trio of associated words, clauses, or points (as I have just done here).

In stories, it is common to have triads of characters such as the three bears in Goldilocks. Equally, you can also have three significant events such as the houses of straw, wood, and brick in the three little pigs (which of course also has a trio of characters).

In more formal writing, the structure also often falls into threes. The most obvious is the idea of having a beginning, middle and end. This can be further broken down into threes, for example in an essay you might have the introduction, the main body and then a conclusion (a three-part structure) but then the main body could involve three main arguments and each of these might have three supportive points. Of course, it does not always end up this way, but it can be a great way to get started on a writing project or for creating an essay plan.

On a larger scale, many books come in groups of three or start as trilogies. Here The Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins) and His Dark Materials (Philip Pullman) are obvious examples.

Three Acts in Plays and Trilogies in Movies

The rule of 3 extends into other writing such as scripts and screenplays. Modern plays and movies often have three acts that internally follow this structure:

1. The Protasis (exposition) where we meet the main protagonists
2. The Epitasis (complication) where things take a turn and don’t go to plan
3. The Catastrophe (resolution) where the story finds closure – happily or not

Furthermore (similarly to novels), movies are often released in threes. For example, the Star Wars saga, which was originally a trilogy, became a trilogy of trilogies (under George Lucas’ production). And this is often the case. Literature and films are often envisioned as trilogies but then stretch beyond that due to popularity (e.g. Indiana Jones, The Matrix or the Bourne Trilogy).

The Rule of Three for Public Speaking, Publicity and Persuasion

We have already seen that the rule of 3 extends back to the public speaking advice of Aristotle and the ancient philosophers. More recent and well-known advice for public speaking is:

“tell them, tell them again, then tell them what you said.” 

Anon

When you consider how little people remember then this is very good advice indeed for any communication.

Simon Sinek, when talking about effective communication, recommends using the ‘Golden Circle’ structure of:

1. Why – to explain the motivation behind something and engage the emotions (through the limbic system and older part of the brain)
2. How – to explain how this will help people
3. What – to cover the benefit in logical terms (engaging the neocortex or rational brain)

This premise is explained in his bestselling book Start With Why and reflects his background in advertising (probably more than his expertise in neuroscience). Sinek knows what makes something catchy or sticky (in marketing terms) and you will also notice that there are similarities to Aristotle’s advice, even if there is a difference in order.

The Rule of Three: Absolute Rule or Just a Guideline?

The rule of 3 is not really a rule. As with any conceptual model, it is an aid to thinking, not a set of firm laws we must adhere to. In the words of Captain Barbossa (from The Pirates of the Caribbean), “The (rule of 3) is more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.”

Even within this article, I have demonstrated just that. When drafting this post, I did initially utilise a three-part structure. That structure has evolved and becomes less obvious as I have edited the writing. There are still various examples of triads in the sentences that you can pick up on.

So, do use the rule of 3 as a tool to help you – play with it and experiment – but don’t feel constrained by it. And next time you have to write an email, construct a meeting agenda or have a telephone conversation, jot down three things as a starting point. It will really help!