Find The Best Life Coach and Guide for You

Who can best help you achieve your goals? Which person can guide you to where you need to go? Who can help you develop beyond what you can accomplish on your own?

The mountain guide

A wide snow-covered glacier flowed down the mountain in front of me. It was a tableau of almost pure white, only blemished by the occasional blue-grey streaks that hinted at crevasses. It did not look like a ski run. There was no piste, no markers, no other skiers. A single cable car had taken us to the top, and that was the only thing indicating this was a ski area.

We were in La Grave in the French Alps, a mecca for off-piste snow sports. I was with Chris, a mountain guide. He was helping me achieve my dream of making some first ski ascents and descents of mountains in Greenland. But we both knew that before I got anywhere near Greenland, I needed to build my ski touring skills and my ability to negotiate glaciers.

How on earth do we get down there? That was the unspoken question in my mind. There were no tracks, let alone coloured runs to follow. Chris looked over, smiled and coolly said, “Just follow my line, and if I stop, then halt above me.” There was no chance to reply, let alone question this statement, as he had already set off, making his first turn in the virgin powder.

I took a deep breath, told myself, “Just do as he said” and then turned into Chris’ tracks. As I started to move and focussed on pursuing Chris down the hill, my anxiety subsided.

I had faith in Chris. His qualifications, experience and visible competence all inspired trust, but what’s more he had a character of contagious calm. So, I followed.

By the time I was at the bottom of the glacier, my confidence had reached new levels. Hell! I had just skied down a glacier; I could do anything!

As we mounted the lift to take us up again Chris said, “Right, now it’s your turn to lead.” My self-assurance melted faster than the snow on my boots. Chris smiled and added, “I will be right behind you.”

What is a guide or life coach and what do they do?

A good guide or coach does many things. As illustrated in my story, a guide can lead the way and provide instruction. Similarly, a coach helps people towards their goals and helps them to push their boundaries.

The role of the guide was introduced in the last section. In The Right Questions Framework, the context of a guide is similar to that of expeditions. A guide is an experienced practitioner who can lead, instruct and coach people to assist them in reaching their destination. Similarly, a life coach helps someone improve their life, often through supporting them in progressing towards specific targets.

I love adventure and am a qualified mountain leader and a certified coach. Therefore, it is no surprise that I see the roles as complementary and largely synonymous. Both a guide and coach support people in getting where they want to go. Returning to the beginning of The Right Questions Framework, and the analogy of life as a journey, we can see how these roles interplay.

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What is a mentor (or sage)?

At this point, it is worth clarifying the difference between the roles of a coach (or guide) and that of a mentor (what we referred to as a Sage in the last section).

A mentor is usually someone who has more seniority and experience within a specific field, shared with the person being mentored. For example, a more senior business person might mentor a more junior manager, within a given industry. It is therefore a narrower focus than that of coaching. The roles are different but complementary. In my experience, it is good to have both.

This outlines the differences in simple terms but, if interested, you can read a more detailed account in my article What is the Difference Between Coaching and Mentoring?

Who needs a life coach or guide?

Anyone can benefit from a coach or guide. Unfortunately for me, it took me a long time to appreciate this. In my mountaineering, for many years I avoided the services of a mountain guide, choosing to learn things on my own, or muddling through with similarly inexperienced friends. I did improve, but slowly, and I picked up some bad habits.

Equally, in my professional life, it was many years before I had my own coach or mentor. I made progress but struggled to achieve my larger goals. Ironically, one of these goals was to become a professional executive coach, and it was not until I employed my own coach that I successfully made the transition.

Therefore, a coach or guide is for anyone who wants to accelerate their progression and improve their chances of success. If you want evidence for this, then I recommend watching the excellent TED talk by Atul Gawande, who provides compelling evidence for the effectiveness of coaching.

“Coaching helps you take stock of where you are now in all aspects of your life, and how that compares to where you would like to be.” Elaine MacDonald

How does a coaching relationship work and how should coaching be conducted?

Coaching can take many forms, but most life coaching is structured around regular sessions. These are usually about 30-90 minutes long, either one-to-one or in small groups. They can be in-person or online.

A coach leads the coachee but mostly in a non-directive manner. In other words, a coach doesn’t tell someone what to do; they ask questions, listen, and probe assumptions. This creates a good thinking environment and allows the person being coached to come up with their own solutions.

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How to choose a life coach or guide

When finding someone who can be your guide or life coach there are various things to consider. First and foremost, picking a coach is choosing a key member of your team. It is an important relationship and therefore I recommend thinking through the 4 Cs of:

  • Character
  • Competence
  • Chemistry
  • Confidentiality

Character – picking someone you respect

Character is perhaps the most important thing. If you want someone to be your guide or coach, you want them to be a person who you can trust and respect.

Competence – certification, qualification and experience

Secondly, you want someone who is competent. This is usually a mixture of qualifications, skills and experience. Most coaches have certification to one of the larger professional coaching bodies such as the Association of Coaching or International Coaching Federation.

For example, as well as having over a decade of experience in life and executive coaching, I studied Coaching and Mentoring at Warwick University and am a Member of the Association of Coaching.

Chemistry – making sure the relationship works

Relationships are easier if there is chemistry. It’s a fact of life that there are some people we naturally get along with. This is not essential in this type of relationship – as a guide or coach is there to challenge us – but it does make things more enjoyable.

Confidentiality – ensuring trust and openness

Confidentiality is essential in a coaching relationship. When being coached we need to know that the person we are talking to is not going to share any details of what is discussed, or at least not without prior consent. There are of course a few exceptions to this rule (for example if a coachee shared something illegal or potentially harmful) but in the main, what is discussed between a coach and coachee stays just between them.

Other factors to consider

There are other things to consider such as proximity to the coach (if you want to meet in person), the affordability of the sessions and the particular approach that the coach favours, but in my experience the 4Cs are the priority factors for a successful coaching relationship.

“Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.” – Pete Carroll

Master the tool: finding a life coach and guide for your goals

It is no surprise that I recommend finding a personal guide or life coach. It is down to my experience. I am a highly motivated person but I have only been able to achieve my biggest goals and truly achieve my maximum potential with the assistance of a coach.

Even though life coaching and sports coaching are different in some respects, it is worth remembering that no one expects an athlete to compete at the top level without coaching. The same goes for our work, our lives, our dreams. If we want to achieve our maximum, we need help. That is why now – even though I am a qualified coach – I still have an executive coach and a mentor.

Therefore, take some time now to think about who could coach you. Follow these steps:

  1. First, specify the key thing you want to be coached in. The skill you want to develop or the goal you want to achieve will affect who you might choose. Even though coaching is a generalist skill, there are coaches and trainers who specialise in certain areas (for example human performance, leadership, communication etc).
  2. Think about who you can think of who exemplifies what you want to achieve. Who is the world’s best or leading authority? Could they help?
  3. Who in your network could either help directly or make coach/guide recommendations?
  4. Use the 4Cs to make a list of questions or guidelines that you can use to narrow your search and focus your discussion with any potential coach.
  5. Make some introductions to some coaches, either from the ones you have already come up with or any others you find with further research. Aim for at least three and then assess them against the 4Cs.

And, if you are interested in finding out more about the coaching I offer, be that life coaching, executive coaching or leadership coaching, send me a message via the contact page. I look forward to hearing from you.

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

The Right Questions: A Video Introduction

Here is a short introductory video about The Right Questions.

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Tony Robbins

Ask the right questions, get the right answers and become more effective at decision making, strategic planning and achieving goals.

The Right Questions (video introduction)

“A prudent question is one half of wisdom.” Francis Bacon

To make a good decision, whether, in a personal or business context, the first step is to correctly frame the challenge. Asking questions does this. ‘The Right Questions’ is a simple and memorable method to make good decisions and to create effective plans.

Philosophers identified the most important questions over two thousand years ago. But this first-principles approach has been somewhat lost in formal education today, partly due to the level of detail that is pursued in an increasingly complex world.

The information available via the Internet is seemingly endless but this has a downside. It is easy to become overloaded with data or miss out on important factors when making a decision. And there is a problem with some decision-making processes too; a lot of systems rely on jargon that is not memorable or straightforward to apply.

Interrogative Open Questions

Therefore we need an easy to access tool to deal with complex and evolving situations. The good news is that the core questions are actually embedded in language.  The seven basic interrogative questions of whatwherewhywhenwhohow and which are the triggers needed to unlock any problem. It is then just a case of understanding their application.

The Right Questions methodology uses the seven core interrogatives and applies them to strategic planning, implement projects and achieving goals. It is a creative process, described as “deeply motivational”.

The Right Questions approach is used in coaching and consultancy as well as being a decision-making tool. Simon Ash developed the framework from his experience as a Bomb Disposal Officer.

“Ask the right questions, get the right answers, and be more effective.”

The Quest

Understand your values, unlock your purpose, set your priorities, achieve success. Click here to sign up and get the 1st stage for free!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

The Next Step: How to Take Small Strides Towards Success

If you want to achieve your goal, what is your next step? When your vision feels overwhelming, what is the one small action that takes you closer to that dream? If you struggle to start towards your objective, what small stride can you take in the right direction?

When goals feel too big

In the previous section, I mentioned competing in the Dragon’s Back race, and how I broke down the overall race into various goals, tasks and milestones. That played a huge part in my overall success in the event, but there were times when even the next task or milestone felt too big.

There were moments during the race when I wanted to give up. The fourth day was probably the worst for this. By that stage of the race, I was physically exhausted, having already completed three ultramarathons over three days. My feet were in constant pain due to sores, created by blisters that had rubbed raw. And now I had to complete the longest section of the course, over the dullest, wettest terrain, a place called Elan Valley.

Make the big seem small

With my physical and mental strength at their lowest ebb, the thought of even another few kilometres became overwhelming. My brain was screaming out that it was impossible to go that far, and so I made deals with myself. I broke everything down even further. When it got tough I promised myself that in another five minutes I could have a snack. When it got worse still, I told myself that all I needed to do was jog the next hundred metres, and then I could walk for the hundred metres after that.

I completed the day within the cut-off time and could therefore progress to the final day. That evening, the thought of doing yet another ultramarathon the next day felt impossible. So yet again I made the big, small. I told myself that the only thing I needed to do the next day was to put on my running shoes. That was all.

The next day I did put on my shoes and so I set myself a new step of getting to breakfast, then getting to the start line, and so on until, many hours later I found myself staring at the finish line. It felt surreal to have done something that had felt so distant and difficult for so long. But I had completed it, one step at a time.

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Taking the first step towards your goal

So, this brings us to the final constituent part of our planning, the ‘step’.  This is the smallest and yet probably the most crucial part.  Defining the first or next step is important because many jobs and goals are never initiated, as it is too daunting to start, or they stall because the next step is not defined.

There is a known psychological hurdle when getting going on any task.  For example, a clean sheet of paper can lead to a mental block.  To overcome this an artist may give a blank canvas a simple wash of colour that will be painted over, or a writer may type a few lines on an empty page that may later be deleted. The first strokes or words don’t matter. What matters is that we switch from deliberation to action. Neuroscientists explain that this change of mindset improves our focus and confidence, instantly improving our chances of success.

So, whatever venture we are initiating, we need to make a small step in the right direction to get over the inertia of going from immobile to mobile.

“The Scandinavians have a phrase the “doorstep mile”, meaning that the first mile away from your front door is the hardest of all” – Alastair Humphreys

The Right Question Tool: Put on your shoes and take a STEP

One useful strategy when starting a project is to break down the first task into an easy step that can be completed in about 30 minutes.  If it can be done in 5 minutes even better!

If we cannot do it right now, we plan to do that one step at the next opportunity, for example, at the beginning of the next day. Then we ensure to set another step for the following occasion or day.  As things gain momentum you will find it easier to get into the work and complete your tasks. Success in small steps gives us little dopamine rewards in our brains. They also build confidence, as they are little data points that show that we can do it, it can happen. Therefore, the key thing is just getting going.

The metaphor we look to in the Right Questions Framework is footwear. We put on our shoes or boots to get going and take that first step. The word step can help us too, as this becomes an acronym for how we take action, relating it to the Route Card tool covered previously.

The STEP tool stands for:

  • Start with the overall success or mission statement
  • Target success by identifying the key goals that need to be achieved
  • Evaluate these goals, breaking them into tasks, activities and milestones
  • Plan the next step, making it small enough to be achievable

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” – Confucius

The Quest

Understand your values, unlock your purpose, set your priorities, achieve success. Click here to sign up and get the 1st stage for free!

Using the STEP tool: Planning exercise

Now it’s your turn. Think of what you need to do. You might focus on a life goal, but if not then pick something with enough complexity to test the process. For example, that could be planning a holiday or business trip, or purchasing a new phone or computer. But use a real goal that you need to achieve.

First state your mission statement and define what success looks like. Then follow the process, breaking down the overall outcome into key goals. Then evaluate these and pull out the necessary tasks and activities. Finally, identify the first or next step you need to take. These are the ones that need to go in your diary or be done right now.

Congratulations, you are a step closer to achieving your mission! Now complete the first step and follow the process again, always making sure you define the next step and can make progress.

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

How to Make a Successful New Year’s Resolution

What resolution could you make for this next year that, if you were successful in making the change, would really improve your life?

Do you want to give up smoking? Maybe you want to go on a diet, lose some weight and get into shape? Perhaps you want to learn a language? It could be that you want to achieve a better work-life balance, change careers or start a new pastime.

Whatever it is you that want to achieve, you need to do some thinking if you want your resolution to stick and you want to succeed in your goal. Here are some questions that you can ask in order to make your decision more effective.

Why do you want to make the resolution?

What is driving your decision? Why do you want to make a change? Understanding why we want to do something helps us to establish our motivation. This is important, as we need to really value something if we are going to succeed. If we are going to make a change, especially something that will be a challenge, then we need to prioritise it. The first couple of days after making your decision are likely to be the easiest, as you are carried along by your enthusiasm. After that, it gets harder and when it does you will start to question why you made that particular choice in the first place. Spend some time writing down the answers to the ‘why’ question. This will help fix the answers in your mind and remind you of their importance when things get tough.

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Where do you see yourself when you achieve your goal? 

What are you dreaming of? What is the picture of the thing you want to achieve? Being able to envision the endpoint is a very important psychological aid to success. If you want to change your career then maybe the picture in your minds-eye is of you walking into your ideal workplace for the first day of your new job. If you want to learn a language the dream might be you ordering a meal for some friends in another country. Whatever it is, make that picture real to you. Use your imagination to make the colours bright, the sounds loud, the smells and tastes inviting, and you will be consciously and subconsciously drawn towards that idea.

What is your definition of success?

How will you know when you have achieved your purpose? What is the finish line? As well as having a dream it is important to identify the exact parameters for success so you have something definite to aim for. This is often called a mission statement and it should be something short, memorable and clear in meaning. For example, if you wanted to get in better shape your mission could be “To lose ten pounds in weight” or “To run a half-marathon”. However you craft your mission statement, make sure that your terms are specific, so you will be certain when you have fulfilled them.

How will you achieve your aim?

Once you have defined what you want to achieve, you then need to work out how you are going to do it. In other words, you need a plan. One simple way to make a plan is to break down your goal into several smaller tasks. For instance, if you are learning a language – even in just three to six months – it can be hard to measure your progress. Therefore you can set smaller steps that feel more tangible; such as learning ten new words a day or setting yourself a week to finish a particular section of your course. You can then note these steps down in a journal, or on a calendar, and you have a plan. Writing the tasks down in a to-do list will also give you the satisfaction of ticking each thing off as you achieve it. This will help to reinforce your motivation.

The Quest

Understand your values, unlock your purpose, set your priorities, achieve success. Click here to sign up and get the 1st stage for free!

Who can help you with your decision?

Who can you speak to that has the experience or skills to help you succeed? There could be someone you know who has already done the thing you want to do. Alternatively, you might just want someone you trust who can support you in your goal. It may be that you want a person outside your normal network such as a professional coach. Whether the person you choose is an expert or not, winning through is much easier if you are accountable to someone else. As soon as you have made your resolution share your decision with another person. Give that person permission to regularly challenge you on how you are doing. If they know you well they will recognise how best to encourage you: whether that is a kind word or a kick up the backside!

When do you want to achieve your aim?

The New Year feels like a time of new beginnings and is opportune for making decisions. As well as picking a good time to make a resolution it is also worthwhile thinking about when you want to complete your goal. A whole year is perhaps too big a time frame, so it is worth identifying something shorter and breaking the goal into smaller tasks if necessary. For example, if you wanted to quit smoking then your mission could be “To not purchase, accept or smoke a single cigarette for the next forty days.” This statement gives clear parameters (not to purchase, accept or smoke a cigarette) as well as a timed measure of success; here being forty days. Forty days may sound arbitrary but studies have shown that you can establish a new habit in twenty to forty days. In other words, if you can create a new pattern in life for that long, there is a good chance that you will have established a more permanent change.

Which things will stop you from achieving your goal?

What are the risks that you face? What could cause you to fail? Whatever it is you are choosing to do, you can be sure that it will not be as easy to achieve as you would like. Take some time to consider the obstacles in your path. Identify the top five or ten circumstances that could hinder your progress and then make a plan to avoid or reduce those risks. Being aware of the potential risks and having a contingency plan will make sure that any setback need not lead to failure.

Now go for it!

If you have addressed all these questions then you should have a very good chance of success with your decision. Let me wish you all the best with your resolution and I hope this next year is a great one for you!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

How To Develop Better Habits

New Year is one of the most popular time to set goals.  The challenge is, to achieve a goal you usually have to change habits, and that is often the hardest bit.

Let me guess the sort of things you want to achieve,  could it be one of the following:

  1. Exercise more
  2. Eat healthier
  3. Save money
  4. Lose weight
  5. Reduce stress
  6. Stick to a budget
  7. Get more sleep
  8. Spend more time with family
  9. Learn a new skill
  10. Travel more

Actually, I am no clairvoyant! These 10 items are from a survey conducted by YouGov in 2018. The list is also very similar to studies on goals set by people in many other years.

The question is, if we are setting the same goals every year, is that because we are not achieving them? If so, why is that?

Even if you did not set yourself a strict New Year resolution one or more of these goals would likely be something you would like to do anyway.  Just because you did not set an aim at the beginning of January does not mean you cannot do it now.

Maybe you have not set a specific objective because you are worried you may not achieve it.  Failure can be very disheartening. If we understand why change is difficult than you can be less hard on yourself.  Goals need to be realistic among other things (see SMART goals).

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Goals and habits

It’s all good and well having a lofty goal but we all know how hard it is to achieve – particularly when it means changing a habit. This means the goal is not just a one-off action. What we are trying to do is create multiple actions that compound and reinforce improvement over time.

Don’t worry if you are struggling to do this.  If you have not managed to keep your goals thus far, you are in good company.  Business Insider polled over 1000 people and found that 80% of people were failing to keep their New Year’s resolutions by February.

This is a shame as resolutions are generally about creating new (and hopefully better) habits.  Arguably, 9 out of 10 of the list above are primarily about modifying behaviours. And habits generally take longer than a month to be embedded.

Phillippa Lally conducted a 12 week study on changing behaviour and found that on average it took more like two months (or 66 days to be more exact) for a new activity to become a habit.  This is longer than the 21 days popularised by Maxwell Maltz (1960) or the 30 days advocated by Marc Reklau (2014).

How do you effectively create a new habit?

Well first, given the evidence above, you need to give yourself an appropriate amount of time to embed your new behaviour.  A couple of months being a good benchmark.

The next thing is identifying the habit loop that exists and how to modify it.  Charles Duhigg, in his book The Power of Habit (2013), shows that we need to break down habits. We need to identify the cue (the stimulus), the routine (our action or behaviour) and the reward (the payoff).  Once we understand the cues to behaviours, we can experiment with rewards to instil new routines.

This behaviour loop is actually a decision-making cycle. The thing is that as the behaviour becomes deeply embedded it becomes a habit – an intuitive or automatic response – rather than a conscious choice.

For example, I tend to get a little hungry mid-morning and mid-afternoon.  I often want a snack.  When the blood sugar is low it is very easy to grab something unhealthy to eat at this point . For example, a sweet biscuit, chocolate bar or similar would be my thing. But I know this is not good for me, therefore I have tried other replacement snacks.  I have experimented with various options, and some things just don’t hit the spot. But, I have found that I have a real thing for hummus.  I know hummus is nothing like a chocolate digestive, but it turns out that if there is some hummus around (especially with a carrot or some sweet pepper) then there is a good chance I can avoid a sugary snack.  It does not always work but I have nudged that behaviour in the right direction.  I still find it hard to resist biscuits laid out at a meeting or someone else’s house, but no one is perfect!

The trick is finding the reward mechanism that works for you with the habit you want to modify.

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Understand your values, unlock your purpose, set your priorities, achieve success. Click here to sign up and get the 1st stage for free!

Exercising more and learning more

Last year I had set out to run an ultra-marathon in the summer. So, I knew I needed to do more exercise. I also wanted to read more, as I love learning. The trouble was these goals were effectively competing with one another.  With the demands of work and being a parent, time was limited.  I was also finding that my time to read was generally just before bed and then I was too tired to properly absorb new material.

It was at that point that one of my coaching clients introduced me to audiobooks via Audible.  I already listened to a good number of podcasts, so I knew it was achievable to listen and learn while doing light exercise or routine tasks.  With this knowledge in hand, I signed up for a free trial to give it a go.

The free trial was for 30 days. By the end of the trial period, I knew it was for me.  I had already managed to get through two good books that it would have otherwise taken me at least a month to read each one.  The added bonus was that most of the time I had been listening I had also either been doing exercise or commuting.

It actually helped me to amend some other habits too.  I was enjoying listening so much that I started giving myself more time between meetings in London so I could walk, rather than use public transport, and get some more exercise, listening and thinking time in.  You could argue that I saved money and reduced stress as well, so inadvertently I was tending to some other popular resolutions!

Achieving the goal with better behaviours

Suffice to say by the end of the year I had completed my 100km ultra marathon (the CCC race in Alps) and listened to over 12 great non-fiction books (some I listen to twice in that time) that have all helped me in my work and life this year.  It has worked so well that I have signed up for a new race this year and continued my Audible subscription.

So yes, this has become something of a shameless plug for Audible but I really can recommend it, especially if your goals are similar to mine.  You can click on the link here for a free trial and see for yourself:

Audiobook Life Hack

By the way, one little life hack I have also earned this year is to listen to my podcasts and audiobooks at 1.5X speed.  This means that you can still hear everything clearly but you can get through a lot more material in the time you have available.  Give it a try!

In my next post I will share some of the great books I have listened to over the past year. Hopefully you will enjoy them too!


References:

Ballard, J (2018) YouGov, https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2018/12/13/new-years-resolutions-2019-exercise-healthy-eating

Bruek, H (2019) Business Insider,  https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-to-keep-a-new-years-resolution-2018-12?r=US&IR=T

Duhigg, C (2013) The Power of Habit, London: Random House

Lally, P (2009) How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world, European Journal of Social Psychology, Volume 40, Issue 6

Maltz, M (1960; updated 2015) Psycho-Cybernetics, New York: Penguin Random House

Reklau, M (2014) 30 Days, Barcelona: Marc Reklau

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

How to Make Better Decisions in 10 Steps

I have been fascinated by the art and science of decision-making ever since being trained as a bomb disposal officer, back at the beginning of my career. Since then, I have worked in various sectors and in numerous senior management roles. I have learned that the need to make good decisions is critical to every leadership position. What is more, working as a leadership coach I have found that a large part of my coaching is helping people think about choices they must make and assisting them in effective decision-making.

We all have the ability to make choices, but making effective decisions is not a given. The good news is that decision-making can be learned, and by applying simple models you can ensure you will make better decisions and develop your competency as a decision-maker.

Important vs non-important decisions 

My experience, coupled with my reading and research, has led me to these ten steps that I recommend to anyone needing to make an important decision. I say important decision as most of the time it is not worth sweating over the small stuff. If we overthink every decision, we can suffer from analysis paralysis. For smaller, less critical decisions we can use heuristics (rules of thumb) or simple hacks to help with choices. We don’t want to spend an age deciding what coffee we are having today or scrutinise every item we select at the supermarket.

So, what is an important decision? In this case, I am talking about are the larger choices we must make in life. Decisions about our vocation, our life direction, or our loved ones. If you are considering a new job, a romantic partner, a new home, or something else of a similar magnitude, then it is worth following these steps.

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The 10 steps to making effective decisions

So here are the ten steps in summary:

  1. Take time out
  2. Identify the type of problem
  3. Apply a decision-making process or model
  4. Ask questions
  5. Understand what really matters
  6. Assess factors and constraints
  7. Identify assumptions
  8. Consider your options
  9. Think through the consequences
  10. Make your choice and act upon the decision

Let’s now look at each step in more detail.

1. Take time out

The first thing, when faced with an important decision, is to pause. Take time to make your decision. We all face stimuli, external forces that we need to react to. Each stimulus leads to a response. The gap between the stimulus and our response is called the decision space. This is where we engage our brain rather than just relying on instinct. Our reactions and intuitive responses can be very helpful, but we should try to use our head, as well as our heart, whenever we can.

Even when faced with an imminent, life-threatening decision it is (more often than not) worth taking just a micro-pause to think before you act. For example, if you are hiking in the woods and you are suddenly confronted with a bear then everything inside of you might be screaming at you to turn and run. This is the natural fight or flight response. But running is not the recommended option. The National Parks Service recommends that you identify yourself, stand your ground, wave your arms, and remain calm. Doing that requires a moment to think, control yourself and decide to do those things. They are not a natural response.

Most big decisions are not so life-threatening, or so time-critical, that we cannot take time out. Therefore, set aside time, put it in your diary and avoid other distractions so you can objectively think about the choice you have to make.

2. Identify the type of problem

The next thing to work out is the sort of problem you are facing. Maybe you did not even realise there are different sorts of problems, but there are, and the nature of the problem relates to the sort of solution you want to pursue.

One of the best-known frameworks for classifying problems is that of Keith Grint who developed the idea of criticalwicked and tame problems. Critical problems are ones that need immediate action and clear direction. The example of coming face-to-face with a bear would come into this category. Wicked problems are ones with no known solution and may not even have an endpoint. These require novel approaches, creativity and finding the least-worst outcome. Tame problems have known solutions and can be managed with the right expertise. Most problems we face are actually tame. Other people have faced and overcome the same issues, which is good news for us, as we can get advice and learn from other people’s experiences as we seek to make our own decisions.

3. Apply a decision-making process or model

Once we know the type of problem, we can choose a model or process to help us think through the problem and make our decision. Have a look at tools and frameworks that other people have used to make similar choices.

There are lots of different tools you can use. You may already be aware of some common ones such as the SWOT analysis or GROW model. These generic tools can be applied to many decisions, but it is worth doing some research as you may find that there are specific tools that can help with your particular situation. Resources such as The Decision Book (Korgerus and Tschapeler) is a great place to start as it has 50 different models to try.

4. Ask questions

Whichever model you choose you will find that it is generally a structured process of asking questions. Each tool aids us by giving a framework of questions for us to consider. You can even use question words, or interrogatives, as a framework. That is one of my favourite approaches and one I have used since my days as a bomb disposal officer.

You can do this by writing down the main interrogatives of why, where, what, how, who, when and which. Create your own open questions relating to your specific issue. My recommendation is to start with why questions, as I will explain next.

5. Understand what really matters 

As you start to develop your questions you will have to answer why the decision really matters. This is probably the most important thing to get straight in your mind before you go further. I agree with Simon Sinek in that we should ‘start with why’ when facing a problem or decision.

Asking why helps to delve into our motivation and priorities around the choice we are making. It makes us think about how our personal values relate to a given issue. Our principles guide us in the decisions we make. The hardest choices usually force us to prioritise and select between things we value. We can only make these kinds of choices if we are truly aware of those underlying values.

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6. Assess factors and constraints 

Once we have established our values, we can assess the various factors and constraints that we face in our situation. These factors will vary dependent upon the choice we are making. If we are choosing a home then factors might include the size of the property, its proximity to our workplace and whether it has a garden. Constraints are likely to include what we can afford and how far we can realistically commute.

7. Identify assumptions

It is good to gather data to help inform our decision, but we can never have all the information we might like or need. Therefore, we must make some assumptions in the absence of that data.

For example, we cannot know everything about someone we are attracted to. Whether you are at the point of asking them out for the first time or committing to them for life, you have to make that decision based on incomplete knowledge.

So, assumptions are essential, but we must be careful about making false assumptions just as much as ignoring key factors. Let’s say the person you are attracted to loses things. That is a factor. You might miss that fact, you might choose to discount it, but assuming someone will simply change is likely to be a false assumption. I can attest to this!

We can also make harmful false assumptions about ourselves. We can undermine our own decisions with these defeater beliefs. For example, we might discount ourselves from even asking someone out just because we feel we are not good enough.

At this stage of the process, having someone else to assist you can be really helpful. An objective friend, a mentor, coach, or counsellor is more likely to help you unearth and challenge any false assumptions you might hold, than if you just try and do it yourself. If it really is an important decision, get a third party involved, even if that just means phoning someone you trust to talk it through.

8. Consider your options

Once you have considered the situation, with all its factors and assumptions, you can then come up with different potential courses of action to address the problem. Very few issues have only one solution and usually, there is a plethora of advice and options that you could choose from. Therefore, once you have come up with a long list of ideas you can start to whittle the list down to the most attractive options.

You can use your values or an assessment of factors to help choose between options. One simple approach is to use a scoring system in a grid. List the options then score them against the principles or factors that are most relevant. The highest scoring course of action should be the best one.

9. Think through the consequences 

When considering your options, you should also think about the consequences. Work out the risks related to any course of action and think forward to imagine what could happen if you followed that route. Once again here you need to rely on certain assumptions so make sure they are reasonable ones.

Also, don’t discount the consequences of not making a decision. Delaying, avoiding, or actively not doing anything is a choice in itself. What is the opportunity cost of not deciding now, or in the future? Sometimes doing nothing is the right choice but make sure it is an active and considered decision.

Also, remember that you can’t always be right and sometimes things just don’t go your way. Don’t worry. Most decisions are reversible, even if they do come at cost of opportunity, time, money, or heartache. Some of our most important life lessons come from mistakes if we choose to learn from them. Things can also turn out better than expected. For example, joining the Army was not my first career choice but it turned out to be a great opportunity and I would not go back and change that if I could. Remember, at the end of the day – however things turn out – we have a choice about how we respond to events.

10. Make and act upon the decision

Finally, once you have thought things through, you must commit. You must choose and take action. Once decided you then act; you have to physically ask that person, press that button, make that purchase, or whatever it is to turn your choice into a reality.

My recommendation is that you record the process you used and the decision you make. That way, however it goes, you can reflect back on your approach and the outcome. Journaling can help with this but there is no one right way. The important thing is that you can reflect on your choices and learn. In that way, the decision-making cycle also becomes a learning cycle, and you will get better at making decisions.

Over to you

So that’s it. Whether you are setting yourself an audacious goal, picking a career, or choosing a life partner you can start with these ten steps and be confident that you will make a better informed and more effective decision than if you did not follow any process. You might have flipped a coin or gone on a gut feeling alone – and it might even work out – but you will be leaving a lot to luck and you will be missing out on a chance to improve your decision-making.

If you want to build your confidence and competence today and practice before you apply this to something really big, then you can use this same process for a slightly smaller choice. That might be something bigger than which TV series to watch after work but not as significant as changing your job. For example, you could plan a future vacation, where you want to go, with whom and what you want to do. Whatever you choose, take the time out to go through all the steps, record your thoughts and your decision. And feel free to let me know in the comments what you choose!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

9 Insightful Questions To Figure Out Your Life Goals

What do you want to achieve in life?

There are lots of approaches you can take to figure out life goals. You may already keep a bucket list of things you want to do but sometimes it is helpful to think about what we want to achieve using different tools. Each new approach can generate new ideas or give further insight into earlier thinking.

Your desire might be to unlock your purpose in life or just to generate ideas for goals you want to achieve. Either way, this set of questions can help you to create and explore your aims, desires, and dreams.

How to figure out life goals

These questions are based on coaching tips from Michael Neill in his book Supercoach. They are questions that I have found particularly helpful, both for setting my own personal goals and for helping people I coach as they set their life goals.

Go through each question in turn and write down as many ideas as you can against each one.

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What things should you achieve?

In other words, what do you feel duty-bound to do? What do you feel is a responsibility or a necessity to achieve?

Which goals are logical?

Another way of asking this question would be, what is the rational thing to progress to? What would be a natural thing to achieve if you follow the course you are presently on?

Which goals give you déjà vu?

Which goals are always on your list and never seem to go away? What goal have you always wanted to do but never succeeded in?

What goals would somebody else set you?

If you asked your best friend or a family member, what sort of goal would they set for you? Think about your spouse or partner, what would they say should be your goal?

Which dreams express your deep wants?

Which goal reflects the deepest desires of your heart? What would give you the greatest satisfaction to achieve?

What would you ask for from your fairy godmother?

If you could wish for anything, what would that be? How about three wishes? What would you ask for?

What are your happy wants?

Which things do you want to achieve that will make you happy? Which ideas make you happy even just thinking about doing them?

What are your naughty wants?

Which goals do you have that you have never told anyone about? What would you like to achieve but have been too embarrassed to share with anyone or too scared to try?

What do you think “if only” I could have achieved?

When you look back in life, what do you wish you had achieved? If you could turn back the clock what would you have done differently?


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How to prioritise your life goals

After answering all the questions above you should have a long list of ideas and dreams. The next task is to prioritise these goals and work out which one you want to achieve first.

Here are some more questions to help you narrow down your selection:

  • Which goals are aligned with your personal values?
  • What aim would best support your life purpose?
  • Which achievement would have the biggest positive impact on your life?
  • Which dream, if you did not achieve it, would you be most disappointed about?

How to achieve life goals

Once you have prioritised your list of goals and chosen which one (or more) that you want to achieve, the next step is examining the goal in more detail and developing a plan to help you to succeed.

There are other tools that can help you with this such as stating your goal as a SMART task and making sure it is specificmeasurableattainablerelevant and time-bound.

Another technique, common to coaching, is using the GROW model. Here you state your goal, then look at the reality of your situation and what your starting point is. Then you consider the options or obstacles that you face in achieving your mission, then work out the best way forward and commit your will to fulfil your dream.

Good luck with achieving your life goals!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

To Achieve Your Aim, You Need to Know and Apply Your Principles

I watched the target intently. I could see the picture rise and fall in my sights as I breathed, the crosshairs tracking a vertical line as my lungs expanded and contracted. Having positioned myself carefully, I aligned my body so that I naturally achieved my point of aim. My rifle was held securely, nicely balanced, but without any tension in my muscles. Feeling calm and focused, I let the crosshairs sink once again, then held my breath as they came to rest on the centre of the target. I increased the pressure on the trigger, never letting the crosshairs move from their position. There was a jolt, as the shot released, but the rifle settled back into position, aligned to the midpoint of the target. I was hundreds of metres away, but I knew that I had hit it dead centre. I knew because I had applied my marksmanship principles, and everything had been in balance. It felt right.

Understanding and applying principles

Target shooting can be very satisfying but, as I found out in my military training, that does not mean that it is easy. That is because even though the principles of shooting are simple, maintaining those standards takes focus and practice. In that way, shooting is a metaphor for other areas of life. Even when we know the theory of how to do something the practice can be hard.

It is particularly hard if we do not know the fundamentals in the first place. Without understanding the key principles of shooting I might never have become a good marksman, no matter how much I tried. As Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool point out in their book Peak, there is an important difference between practice and effective practice. If we want to get better, we need to focus on doing things correctly, according to the appropriate standards.

So, what are the right standards? How do we know the principles to live by? This is the focus of this series on understanding values. The more I teach decision-making, facilitate leadership courses, or coach people through life’s challenges, the more I see the importance of understanding and acting upon our personal values.

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The need for balance and alignment

Much of the importance of values comes down to balance. There are so many reasons that we need balance in life. Whichever aspect of our existence you look at – such as work, relationships, or health – it is a lack of balance that causes problems.

We need alignment in each area of our lives in order to flourish. To lead we need integrity; a boss needs to walk the talk if they are to be truly effective. To make effective decisions we need to make sure our choices fit our values. It is similar to our wellbeing; to be happy our expectations cannot be too far removed from reality. Our self-esteem is also dependent upon balance. We need to behave in line with our principles and live up to our standards. This is why it is so important to know our values and understand how to monitor them.

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.

Brian Tracy

How to work out your values and monitor your principles

I regularly take time out to re-examine my values and reflect on them to make sure they are captured accurately and to measure how I am doing against my principles. I also tend to look at my principles first before I go about setting goals. As with target shooting, you must point in the right general direction before you home in on a specific target.

It may be that you already have a clear idea of your values, or it could be that you have never really considered your personal principles. Either way, here is a good exercise to go through to identify, refine and test your ideals. Here are the steps to follow:

1. Identify a long list of values

2. Prioritise the list

3. Assess your principles against your actions

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1. Identify a long list of values 

First, write out a long list of words that sum up your personal values. There is no limit on how many phrases to use at this stage. It is worth doing some brainstorming and thinking about the words that best sum up your principles. The choice of words is important as our interpretation of language is nuanced and personal. The terms you choose must connect with you and express both your head and your heart.

Remember, as noted in my earlier post on why what we value matters,

  • Values are principles. They are ideals, truths, or propositions that we aspire to.
  • Values are standards. They are the formal and informal precepts, regulations, and rules we live by.
  • Values are judgements. They are the benchmark, the plumbline, the compass that informs our decision-making.
  • Values are beliefs. They are the tenets, convictions, and ideas we put our faith in.
  • Values are priorities. They are our motivations, the things that take precedence, that we give importance to and affect how we use our resources.

Once you have a list, or if you are struggling to think of the right words, then you can use example inventories of popular principles as a prompt. You can find such examples in What Are Your Personal Values where I have listed over 150 common values.

2. Prioritise the list 

Once you have a comprehensive list of values the next thing to do is to prioritise the list. Initially whittle it down to ten, then aim for five or fewer. The reason to do this is to identify the most important principles, the ones that dominate your decisions and behaviours. To do this you may want to take your initial list and score each value out of ten. If you still need to reduce the list then do direct comparisons between the words you have chosen, ask yourself, if I had to choose between x and y which would be the most important?

Once you have your top five values then take some time to write out what they mean to you. As mentioned earlier, the exact meaning of a term can be very individual so write out a short sentence to define what that standard means in terms of informing your actions and decisions. This is very important. The value does not exist as just a conceptual ideal, it must be understood in relation to your thinking and behaviour.

3. Assess your principles against your actions  

The next step is then to assess each of your top principles against your actions. Here you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Reflect on your day, your week, your month and give yourself a score from 0-10 in terms of how close you lived up to your standards. Also, reflect on other big life moments and decisions, or when you were particularly happy or sad, how did you align with your values at those key times?

Examining the gap between the values we espouse, and our actual behaviour can be very revealing. Here are some common things to look for:

Continual misalignment

If there is a continual misalignment then we must ask ourselves if we really hold to that principle. It might be that we think we value something because it is a standard upheld by our culture, family, or organisation. It may well be a good precept, but it may not drive us personally. If that is the case, you might want to go back to the prioritisation exercise and see if there are other values that better describe your actual choices.

Temporary misalignment

Often, we find that we have strayed from our principles in a particular choice or fallen short of our principles in a given situation. This is not a long-term trend, more of a temporary blip. These can leave us feeling unhappy or anxious until we resolve the issue. Once you have identified the instance where there was a problem you can reflect on what you need to do to bring things back on track. Is there a decision that needs to be changed, a relationship that needs to be mended, or a goal that needs to be set? Whatever it is, work out what action will restore your balance.


Apply your principles and maintain your aim

If you want to achieve your aim it is not enough just to know what your target is. You are unlikely to hit the target if you are facing the wrong way. Therefore, you need to know your guiding principles if you truly want to succeed.

Whether you want to achieve a goal, get a better balance in life, develop as a good leader, or improve your decision-making, all these things are dependent upon understanding your personal values. The better you understand your own standards, the happier and more effective you will be.

So, take some time to:

  1. Identify a long list of values
  2. Prioritise the list
  3. Assess your principles against your actions

Seeing how close you align with your principles is foundational to creating a meaningful plan for any self-improvement. So, check your values today but then frequently take time to see how you are measuring up to your standards.

Apply your principles, maintain your aim, and you will hit the target!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

How to Set Goldilocks Goals to Ensure Success

The importance of goal setting, for better productivity and psychology, is well-known and documented. What is less well-known is the concept of Goldilocks goals. These are goals that are not too hard and not too easy. They are just right.

The Benefits of Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Goals (when chosen correctly) are beneficial as they give us a target with direction and focus. Goals are a tool we use to bring about change in ourselves and the world around us. They are a tangible measure of action, improvement, and achievement.

And goals can be more than just a good productivity hack. Setting and achieving goals supports good mental health by giving us a sense of purpose and then triggering the release of positive neurotransmitters such as dopamine when we succeed. What’s more, goal setting is related to having a growth mindset. We need to set and fulfil targets to remain in learning mode and continue our personal improvement.

How to Set the Right Type of Goal

So, setting and achieving goals can be highly beneficial, but we do have to set the right type of goals. We need to set ourselves targets that stretch us (forcing us to grow) but they do need to be achievable. Goals can be bold, such as the Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG) advocated by Jim Collins (author of Good to Great), but however big the idea is, it still needs to be broken down into actionable steps.

Therefore, if we want to benefit from all the benefits of goals — the productivity gains of setting them as well as the positive effects of achieving them — then we need to set what I call Goldilocks goals. These are goals that are not too easy but are also not completely unrealistic.

These Goldilocks goals can be ambitious, right on the edge of what we might believe is even possible, but then we must employ the important next step, that of chunking the goal down to make it manageable. For example, we might set ourselves the goal of climbing Mount Everest but there are hundreds, if not thousands, of intermediate tasks we need to complete in order to succeed.

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Making Big Goals Achievable

When I coach people and they set stretch goals I help them to break down the overall mission and identify what is the most important next step they need to take. Ideally, this is a simple task, one that might only take a few minutes, such as making a phone call or drafting a message. By effectively breaking down the goal, and then achieving one small element of that overall vision, you gain momentum and a sense of achievement. In fact (as you have probably guessed) you already start to get the positive productivity and psychological benefits of goal setting but achieving these subordinate actions.

The other important advantage of this process is overcoming the mental barrier of what the Scandinavians call the ‘doorstep mile’. Psychologically, the hardest part of a journey (or achieving a goal) is making the first move; it is stepping out the door and taking the first steps (just ask Bilbo Baggins!) If a task seems too daunting, we might never make the first move. So, ensure the first step is the easiest one, then build from there.

If You Are Struggling, Break the Goal Down Even Further

This concept also helps us when we are losing heart on the way to achieving a goal. When we are trying to accomplish something really challenging, we can sometimes lose heart or momentum as time drags on, particularly if we don’t feel we are making the progress we want or when we hit unforeseen obstacles. This is another time when breaking down the goals into ever smaller (achievable) elements is vital.

One example I can draw is my experience of running ultra-marathons. When you are running in excess of 100 kilometres, often over difficult terrain, there are times when you feel pretty low. Exhaustion, negative thoughts, and injuries build up. At times like these, I have dismissed the overall idea of finishing (let alone winning) the race and changed my goals to something as small as “I am going to run the next 100 metres.” I might even then reward myself by walking for 100 metres before setting the next goal. There have been many times when this approach has helped me ride through the physical and psychological low points and — in most cases — go on to succeed in my overall desire. In the case of ultra-races, it has helped me complete courses in excess of 320 km in length.

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Understand your values, unlock your purpose, set your priorities, achieve success. Click here to sign up and get the 1st stage for free!

The Need to Set Both Internal and External Goals

But there are times — even when we pick a good Goldilocks goal and effectively break it down into steps — when we may not succeed. That is because we cannot control every factor in our lives, let alone the world. And this is where internal goals come into play.

Internal goals are goals that we set in parallel to the overall (external) goal. Internal goals are ones that are not dictated by external circumstances, they are things more under our control. For example, we might have a tough meeting coming up such as a negotiation for a job role. Our overall goal might be the agreement of a new work contract that includes all the benefits we aspire to but, as there are other people involved, we cannot guarantee that result. Therefore, we keep the overall goal but also set an internal goal. In this case, we might set an internal goal of improving our communication skills. This is something that is under our control and the experience — however well it goes — can be a source of learning.

Subsequently, when setting goals, we can set a main goal (something to be achieved in the external world) and then a complementary internal goal (something we control in our mind). This helps us avoid amygdala hijack where we become overloaded by noradrenaline.

By setting an internal goal, one that we can achieve no matter what happens, we guarantee that we can still benefit from the positive aspects of goal achievement — such as getting the neurological dopamine hit and another deposit into the psychological bank of success — even if events conspire against us.

What is Your Goal? What is Your Goldilocks Goal?

So remember, when you are setting your next goal remember to do these things:

  1. Pick a Goldilocks goal; not too easy but not too hard. It should stretch you but not be completely unachievable.
  2. Break that Goldilocks goal down into smaller, more manageable actions.
  3. Make sure you make the first activity an easy one so you can take the first step and start making progress towards your overall goal.
  4. If you are struggling at any point, break down the action into even smaller elements.
  5. Set yourself internal goals; psychological goals that you have complete control over, as well as the external overall goal or action.

In this way, you are not only more likely to succeed, but you will also benefit from the process no matter what happens. You will be both more productive and in better shape mentally.

Now, what about today? Think of a challenging task you want to achieve in the next 24 hours. What internal goal could you set alongside this activity? Take a few seconds and set that goal now. Well done! Your mind will thank you for it later!

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

What are The Right Questions for Decision Making and Strategic Planning?

So, having established in previous posts the background to The Right Questions and an idea of their importance, we can now get an overview of The Right Questions and how they are applied to strategic planning and achieving goals, both in a personal or business context. The questions come in an order of sorts but the process of asking The Right Questions is also iterative and cyclical. In other words, the answer to one question is likely to inform an answer to another, and even after we have worked through all the questions we will generally go back and revisit the others to refine our answers.

How to Use The Right Questions Decision Making and Coaching Framework to Achieve Goals

It is beneficial to explore the questions in two broad groups. The first is comprised of the where, what and why, and these encompass the strategic framing of a situation. The second group is made up of the questions how, when, and who and these help us develop a specific plan within the aforementioned strategic frame.

The two groups are joined by ‘which’ as this question deals with the concepts of options and risk. After looking at the overall strategic picture we use ‘which’ to explore courses of action from which we can choose an option to develop into a more detailed plan. We then return to this same question to weigh the risks as the plan progresses. Looking at these options and risks are the key decision points and can lead us to return through the strategic framing or planning loops again.

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Taken all together these seven questions create a template for strategic planning and also become a decision-making process that follows a figure of eight cycle, as demonstrated in the diagram below.

“I keep six honest serving-men, (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When, And How and Where and Who.” Rudyard Kipling

STRATEGIC FRAMING

Why? (Values and Priorities)

The ‘Why?’ represents our values. Our values are our identity; the things at our centre that define why we have the vision in the first place, why we do the things we do, why we attract certain people. They are our beliefs and worldview. These are often things we hold in common with others at one level but the particular combination and application of the values make them unique to us. Knowing our principles shows us what we value most and therefore it also helps us to prioritise and make good decisions.

Where? (Situation and Vision)

‘Where?’ is the present location and the future destination, the situation and the vision. We look at whence we have come from and whither are we going as our journey is bracketed by these ideas of ‘where’. When you get out a map the first thing you do is identify where you are and get your bearings; only once you have done this do you plan to move. And when you move, you don’t want to wander aimlessly (movement in itself is not progress), there needs to be a destination, something we are aiming for. This destination is the dream, the thing that stokes our passion and gives us our drive.

What? (Mission)

‘What?’ represents the mission, the reality of what we are going to do. The mission is the bottom line, the tangible measured difference that we are to make. To work out the mission we need to define success so that we know our finish line. We can then sum this up in a pithy and memorable way to get our mission statement.

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REFLECTION INTERSECTION

Which? (Options, Risk and Reflection)

Options

We have to choose which way to go and therefore ‘Which?’ deals with the idea of selection. First, we have to generate a range of courses of options we can choose from. This is a creative process, requiring divergent thinking, and taking time to step out of the purely logical process in order to examine unorthodox ways of problem-solving. Generating these options is something we can do before looking at the how, when and who questions. We are generally faced with various strategy options and we have to select a route by assessing relevant factors.

Risk

One of the major factors affecting a decision is risk. If a venture is deemed too risky it is the surest thing that will stop us from acting, no matter how attractive the option first seemed. To make good decisions we need to identify, assess, mitigate risk and then manage the risk accordingly. Capacity for risk varies between people and situations so it is important to remember that this is an ongoing process of management. At the same time we don’t want to become defensive, timid or risk averse; achieving bold visions means taking risks. We just need to make sure we have counted the cost before we commit ourselves.

Reflection

The option does not have to be perfect. What we are looking for is the minimal viable product (MVP) approach to problem-solving. When an idea good enough to add some planning to it, but then we need to test it. This is where the ‘which’ question becomes the reflection point in the interlinking loops between strategic framing and planning. We test our ideas, reflect and learn from them, then adjust our plans and go again.

PLANNING

How? (Strategy, Goals, Planning and Resources)

‘How?’ is the method or plan by which we achieve the mission. Goals and activities support the overall strategy and propel us towards our dream. Breaking down the route into manageable steps gives us the basis of an action plan and makes the dream an achievable reality. Once we have worked out the detail of each task it is much easier to assess the correct resources we need for each step and therefore, by adding up these resources, we can get a better estimate of the total resources we need to achieve the whole mission.

When? (Timing and Programming)

It is no surprise that ‘When?’ refers to time. Timing is critical. Choosing the right time makes the difference between success and failure and it takes an equal measure of planning and wisdom to know when to implement strategies, to go for goals and ultimately achieve missions. Time is key to planning and is the one truly limited resource. As we overlay our plan with time we create a programme with milestones that help us to measure our progress towards our goal.

Who? (Roles, Team, Structure and Network)

The ‘Who?’ is primarily about the roles different people fulfil, the makeup of our team, the structure of our organisation and the people we connect within our personal network. Sometimes we have a mission and then we go out and put together a team and therefore we need to know what we are looking for. At other times we may need an existing team to adopt a new strategy. In this case, we need to know how best to place people as we re-structure the existing team. Even if we are operating alone, not having a specific team or organisation, we always have a unique network of contacts to draw upon. People are always involved one way or another on our journey and they are the most important resource that we can draw upon.

Now that we have looked at an overview of The Right Questions we will look at each one in greater detail in future posts.

If you want to know more about the background and evidence for the approach I recommend you read:

Beyond the 5Ws: Ask questions like a philosopher, answer as a visionary

If you want to start going through the process I recommend you ‘start with why’ (like Simon Sinek) and read the following:

What are your personal values?

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for people who want greater clarity, purpose and success. There is a wealth of resources to boost your effectiveness in achieving goals, your leadership of yourself and others, and your decision-making.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you find information on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and assisting them in achieving their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!