What are the best conversation-starters? How do you initiate small talk, even with strangers? Which questions can help in connecting with people?

If you want to build rapport quickly and connect with people, then a question is the best way to start a conversation. Whether you want to make small talk at a party, need an icebreaker at a networking event, or want to start a conversation with an attractive stranger, these tips and strategies can help you.

Entering a conversation and building rapport

There are a few things you can do to help you be confident and effectively build rapport from the start. You can read more about these in Rapport Building and How to Talk Confidently to Anyone.

Once you have confidently made your approach, you can then get onto a question with the person you want to talk to.

Questions and good convo starters

A well-chosen question is the best conversation starter (or convo starter). The important thing is to pick a question that is not a cliché or bad pick-up line, such as, “Do you come here often?” 

Instead, try to think of a question that is of genuine interest to both you and the other person. Usually this will relate to the context of your connection. For example, if you are meeting at a professional networking event then a question about work or the venue might be most appropriate. If it is a party, you might want to ask a question about the music, the food or mutual friends at the event.

Examples of good questions to connect and start a discussion

Here are some examples of questions that you can use as conversation starters, organised into different types of situations. Some of these questions could be asked out of the blue, but remember, picking the most relevant question to the situation will give you the best chance of success. And remember, these are not prescriptive, use them as prompts and ideas to create your own convo starters!

Conferences and professional networking events

• What is the most surprising thing you have learnt today?
• Who was your favourite speaker?
• Which challenge are you most looking to get help with at this event?
• Who/which colleagues are you here with today?
• What was the thing that most prompted you to be here?
• What led you to do what you do now?
• If you could have any job title, what would it be?

Work meetings and job interviews

• What are your expectations for me in this role?
• What are the best things about this organisation, from your perspective?
• How are the company’s values lived out?
• Which skills is the team missing that you’re looking to fill?
• What are the biggest challenges that I might face in this position?
• Who will I work most closely with?
• What’s the biggest difference about working here as compared to other teams you have worked with?

Dinners, social events and parties

• What music is your guilty pleasure?
• Where is the most interesting place you have ever visited?
• Who from history would you most like to invite to this event (and why)?
• Which things are on your bucket list?
• What scares you the most?
• What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
• If you were a food/drink, what would you be?

First dates

• What’s your favourite place in the world?
• If you could advise your younger self, what would you say?
• Which person from history inspires you the most?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
• What’s the achievement you are most proud of?
• What are your biggest life goals?
• If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?
• What is something that most people don’t know about you?

New environments (where you are a newcomer and want to make connections)

• What advice would you give to a newbie?
• What do you know now that you wish you had known when you arrived?
• What’s the story of how you came to be here?
• How do you know (the host, team, organisation)?
• Where is the best place around here to eat?
• What would you recommend for fun around here?
• What’s the most surprising thing you have learned here?

Casual encounters (such as in queues)

• Can you tell me where the (…) is?
• What do people usually do in this situation?
• What’s been the highlight of your day so far?
• Having fun?
• What brings you here today?
• Which of these would you recommend?
• What advice would you give to 

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Final tips for convo starters with people you don’t know

Questions are the best ways to start conversations, especially with strangers. The key is picking the most appropriate question for the person and situation. 

And remember, questions are just part of building rapport with people, so do check out the post on Rapport Building and How to Talk Confidently to Anyone.