Do you really know who you are? Can you describe your character, your personality, your strengths and weaknesses? How good is your self-awareness really?

There is an old Greek aphorism ‘know thyself’ that has been quoted or paraphrased by many greats through the course of history, such as Socrates and Shakespeare.  It still rings true today as being self-aware is critical to how we relate to ourselves and others.

Therefore it is good to know your personality type, your strengths and weaknesses, your most effective learning methods, your preferred communication styles, your love languages.

We are also shaped by our values and beliefs.  Understanding this will go a long way to self-awareness.

Know yourself and you will find it much easier to establish meaningful relationships and develop strong teams.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Polonius (from Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

The currency of relationships

Relationships are similar to bank accounts.  We know that we have to invest in friendships for them to be fruitful and at times we rely on people and have to make withdrawals.  We have to invest quality time, act in ways that develop trust and bring positive emotions and energy to make down-payments.

You often hear the phrase ‘a needy person’ and in these terms, you could say that they are a person who is always overdrawn when it comes to relational accounts – they always need someone else to invest in them.

It is a useful metaphor to keep in mind. When you are interacting with someone, ask yourself, am I investing in this relationship or am I making a withdrawal?

No one wants to be continually in debt, be that financial or relational, so we need to keep an eye on our personal balance.  The best way we can keep our own social and emotional bank account out of the red and into credit starts with being self-aware.

We need to know how to manage our emotions, how to recover our energy and which people will feed into our own reserves when we need it.

Personal development is another way we serve ourselves, and in the end, also serve others. It is not just about improving skills. As we increase in self-awareness, as we develop good habits, we also increase our resilience and effectiveness; not just our professional abilities and productivity.

Our effectiveness as professionals, as people, is built on a foundation of character. The stronger the foundation the higher you can build and the more positive the impact you can have.

The importance of integrity

We have to be true to our character. We have to be genuine, authentic. In the end, you won’t make it if you fake it.

Think about the people you most look up to.  Are they perfect?  You can be sure that they are not!  What then makes them so attractive? What is it about them that makes people want to follow them?  If they are successful, ask why are they successful?  What makes them different from the average person?  If you read biographies of such people one generally finds that the person in question is both self-aware and purposeful.  They have great strengths but also genuine vulnerability. This gives them integrity that is magnetic.

It is important to remember that we have to accept our own vulnerability and weaknesses or they will catch us up, or catch us out in the end. This takes real courage, as Brene Brown explains in her excellent book ‘Dare to Lead‘, but it is the best way to maximising our potential.

If you are being proactive by maximising your strengths and being honest about your weaknesses people are more likely to trust you.  You will be more confident and inspire the confidence of others.  If you have a firm grounding in where you are and have a vision for where you are going then you will naturally be a more attractive person.

If you are secure in who you are then others will feel secure around you.  Therefore, start with yourself; the one person who you can really change.

Change starts with me, myself and I

This holds true for working through any sort of relationship challenges.  When family or friends hurt us it is very easy to see the faults in others and how things could be better if the other person changed.  The hard part – but the most effective way forward – is to look at yourself and start the improvement there. This is the true importance of self-awareness.

But it is hard to work out how to change unless you know your starting point.

Tools for understanding self

There are numerous tools, exercises and tests you can do to help understand yourself better. Here are of the main ones that I have found useful:

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

The Myers-Briggs test is based on psychological research developed from the work of Carl Jung. You can conduct a free version of this test at Truity.com

Big 5 Personality Test

The Big 5 is another popular personality test. You can conduct a free version of this test at Truity and also at Finding Potential.

Strengths Finder

The Clifton Strengths Finder is another research-based test. This one is a paid service run by Gallup. You have to pay to do this test but you can find more information by clicking on CliftonStrengths.

Learning Styles

There has been a lot of work of different preferred learning styles. You can find a good summary of some of the key ones on MindTools.

Love Languages

For understanding relationships, the 5 Love Languages is a great resource. You can get the book on Amazon.

Have you ever done any personality or character profile tests? What test did you use and did you find it useful? Do leave a comment and let me know; I would be really interested to hear your thoughts.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom”

Socrates

You will always be better or worse at various things compared to other people.  It is a simple fact of life, so rather than fighting against that or hiding your weaknesses, how much better, to be honest, and find other people who can balance out any shortcomings? The starting point for finding these people is your personal network. The best folk who can help you and you can help in return is your network.

This is the basis of a team: a complementary group of people who can achieve vastly more together than they can apart.  They are more than just the sum of their parts because when people are free to maximise their strengths, secure that others can work in areas where they are weaker, then their effectiveness is multiplied many times over.  Whether that is a team of just two people or an organisation of thousands, the principle still remains if there is trust and a complementary mix of people involved.

Here we are looking at key relationships rather than large teams; a network rather than a group that is already working together.  Who are the people who can really bring out the best in you?  They are likely to be people who you trust and respect implicitly.  These people could be family members, friends, a spouse or partner.

There is some truth behind the phrase ‘opposites always attract’ as, even when romance is involved, there is a balance between shared interests and complementary gifting.  When people have differences yet choose to operate together then one person’s weakness is covered by another person’s strength.

Start with the people you know

Who is in your network? Who are the key people in your social circles? It is worth spending some time really thinking through the most important relationships in your life.  These could be friends who have supported you or inspired you, people who have acted as a coach or a mentor, or folk who have been teachers or confidants.  These people are your closest and most important network and yet they are often overlooked or taken for granted.  If you need assistance, advice or even a business partner this should be the place where you start your search.

Networking can act as a trigger. As you identify people and think about how they have helped you, it can help you to discover areas in your life where there is a gap; somewhere you might like someone to play the role of coach, friend or partner.  Once you are consciously aware of the need you are more likely to find the right person to help fill the gap.  If they are the right person then they will be looking for you too – even if they don’t realise it yet!

“Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” 

Helen Keller

Analysing your network

One think that can help understand your network better is creating a graphical representation. Draw concentric circles onto a page.

• The inner circle represents those you are in contact with daily
• The next circle out are weekly connections
• The third circle monthly
• The fourth circle for those you see yearly

Beyond that, the extra space can represent either people you have been out of contact with or those you might like to connect with but haven’t yet.

Now draw two lines through the circles (so it looks like a target) and create four quadrants. These can represent:

• Family
• Friends
• Colleagues
• Acquaintances

You can see an example below. If you want you can print this example off and use it as a template to draw on.

Once you have added enough names to your social circles you ask some questions to analyse your network. For example:

• Who can most help you with the challenge you are facing right now?
• If you could pick anyone for your team, who would they be and why?
• Which people are positive influences who you want to connect with more?
• Which people are negative or energy-draining? How can you manage them better?
• Who would you like to move closer to your inner circle?
• Is there anyone that you know of, but are not yet in your circles, that you would like to connect with? How could you be introduced?

So, take some time to think about who you know and unlock the power of your relationships. Have a go with creating your circles now.

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.” Isaac Newton

I like to think that I have reasonable emotional intelligence, but I don’t always get it right. One memorable occasion, when I completely misjudged the emotional content of my communication, was when I found out I had been selected to be an explosive ordnance disposal officer. I was excited and immediately wanted to share my happy news. So, I rang my mother and blurted out “amazing news mum, I am going to learn to defuse bombs!” I was met with silence at the other end of the line. Only then did I stop to think about how that might sound to a parent; especially a parent who has had to deal with an energetic, enthusiastic but somewhat accident-prone son! Now, being a parent myself, it makes me cringe to contemplate my lack of empathy.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI) and how does it differ from IQ?

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, comprehend, manage, and handle emotions. This ability starts with recognising and managing one’s own emotions and then those of others. Emotional intelligence is also known as Emotional Quotient or EQ. The term has been around since the 1960s but was made popular in 1995 by Daniel Goleman and his best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence.

In academic terms, emotional intelligence can be defined as:

“A subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own emotions and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s own thinking and actions”

Salovey and Mayer (1997)

EQ (or EI) differs from IQ. IQ stands for Intelligence Quotient and IQ is a score of a person’s problem-solving ability, measured through standardised psychometric tests. IQ assesses a person’s capacity for reasoning – which is useful – but what IQ does not assess is how a person interacts with others. That is where EQ becomes important.

What are the components or skills of emotional intelligence?

There are various models that explain the components of emotional intelligence. Here are 3 of the most popular models:

Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence Model

Goleman’s model (also known as the Mixed Model) has five components:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy (the ability to
• Social skills

The Bar-On Model

The Bar-On model of emotional-social intelligence has five scales made up of:

• Self-perception
• Self-expression
• Interpersonal
• Decision-making
• Stress management

The Ability Model

Peter Salovey and John Mayer created the Ability Model, which has evolved into a 4 Branch Model that includes:

• Perceiving emotions
• Reasoning with emotions
• Understanding emotions
• Managing emotions

While all these models differ in subtle ways, there is a commonality in emotional intelligence that reflects the initial definitions: that of identifying and managing the emotions of oneself and others.

Why is Emotional Intelligence important?

Emotional intelligence is important as it is foundational to all relationships. To relate to people we need to understand our emotions and relate to those of others. But, EQ is of particular importance for leaders. Leadership, at its most basic level, is influence. And therefore if you want to influence people you need to know how they tick.

As seen in my earlier example I have learned – often the hard way – that clear communication is not necessarily effective communication. If you do not gauge the emotions of yourself or your audience, then you are unlikely to get the result you want or expect.

Emotional intelligence gives you the capability to perceive the emotional content of what people are communicating and what they need. That allows the manager or leader to interact effectively with an individual or team, gauging how they are feeling and what they need in terms of support, encouragement or help in order for them to develop and perform at high levels.

But EI or EQ is more important than just that. People with higher emotional intelligence – no matter what their leadership responsibilities are – have better mental health, more success at work and better relationships, according to Dr Travis Bradberry.

How do you test or measure your EQ?

You can get a simple measure of your own EQ or emotional questions by asking yourself some simple questions:

They are also various tests available, many of them free, that you can access to test your EQ score. One very quick and free test you can do is provided by MindTools. It is only 15 questions long so you can complete it and get the answers back in less than 5 minutes.

How do you improve your EQ?

As with many aspects of leadership, there is some discussion as to whether emotional intelligence is born or bred; in other words, whether it is innate or can be learned. As with so much in life my experience is – and studies back this up – that it is a bit of both. Some people seem naturally more emotionally aware, but we can all get better at reading our own emotions and those of others.

As with everything in life you can improve EQ through practice, or rather, deliberate practice. Let’s use the Goleman model to explore the skill that you can develop to improve emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness 

Strengths and weaknesses

Self-knowledge, among other things, means knowing your strengths and weaknesses. If you need some help identifying your strengths and weaknesses then read Which Leadership Skills Do You Need to Develop Most?

Self-reflection

We all need some time out to reflect. It is important to set aside time to do this – away from distractions and interruptions. My preferred way of doing this is going for a walk.

Journaling

Another great aid to self-awareness and reflection is journaling. If you have not tried this before (or have struggled with it) have a look at Why journaling is important and how to start writing a journal.

Self-regulation 

Breathing techniques

Slowing down and taking some deep breaths do wonders for self-regulation. One of my favourite breathing techniques is this:

• Put out your hand and spread your fingers out. You can do this on a surface or with your hand on your body.
• Then with a finger from your other hand, slowly trace a line up and down each finger
• When your tracing finger goes up, you breathe in, and when it goes down you breathe out
• Work your way from small finger to thumb then back again. Take a moment to feel how much calmer you now feel.

Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are helpful statements about us and the world. They challenge negative thinking and wrong assumptions. Psychological research has proven something that various religions have known for millennia: that encouraging statements, said out loud or on a regular basis, can change our mindsets for the better. Here are ten good examples of positive affirmations:

1. I can change for the better
2. I can make a positive difference in the world
3. I am loved
4. I can forgive those that have hurt me
5. I am thankful for…
6. Today is a new day and a new start
7. I am blessed
8. I release anger and embrace love
9. I see that every obstacle is just a challenge and an opportunity for growth
10. I do not need to fear

Accountability

One great way to self-regulate is to get other people to help. Being accountable to friends, family and colleagues is important. If you are really committed to a goal or a change you want to make then having a coach is a proven way to improve accountability.

Motivation

Values

In understanding motivations, there is no better place to start than understanding your values. If you would like help with this read What Are Your Personal Values?

Goal setting

Setting goals and achieving them is great for building motivation and momentum. But, to give us the best chance of success we need to specify, state and shape the goals. You can use self-coaching questions to help set and achieve goals.

Visualisation

Picturing what you want to achieve, in as much detail and emotional content as possible is a powerful way to set our brains on the course to success. In this way, visualisation can help turn a dream into reality.

Empathy

Empathetic listening

Listening is a foundational skill. The more I learn the more I realise how fundamental listening – real listening – is to all communication. It takes practice to develop the focus and self-discipline to listen well but you can learn how.

Role-playing

Role-playing is a great way to practice being in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from another perspective. When I facilitate leadership courses, I often get people to practice work conversations from both sides – first playing the other person and then playing themselves – with a partner. It is amazing how transformative this can be.

Body language 

We all have some unconscious awareness of body language but if we want to be more empathetic then we need to have this in the conscious too, so we can pick up on the outward indicators of what is going on emotionally.

Social skills

Building rapport

Building rapport is the starting point of building a relationship. It is the entry point where we try to build trust, establish communications, and create a foundation for further engagement. Building rapport starts with being at ease with ourselves and then carrying that authenticity into our interactions.

Dealing with conflict

We always need to be emotionally aware but no more so than during challenging conversations. Even when dealing with conflict or answering really difficult questions there are approaches that we can practice to help us, such as the sandwich technique, where we start and finish with positives, keeping the hard facts in the centre of the communication.

Communication

We can all be better communicators but for leaders, it is essential that we can communicate effectively, often to large groups of people. Many people hate public speaking but it is possible to overcome their fear and even learn to love public speaking.

We can all be better

So, no matter how emotionally intelligent we might be, there is always an area we can improve in. In the areas listed above which one would you most like to improve on? Reflect on where you need to improve (self-awareness). Set yourself a goal (motivation), get someone to hold you accountable (self-regulation) and then see how you improve at perceiving emotions (empathy) and having more positive interactions with others (social skills).

It was on one of my operational tours in the Balkans that the importance of trust in the workplace really came home to me. At short notice, I was deployed to an existing multi-national mission. I was given a team, drawn from various parts of the military, which had come together at equally short notice. As a leader, I was facing trust issues both externally and internally.

Externally, the other international partners were dubious about our commitment. The UK had been involved before but had then withdrawn. The new team was therefore met with scepticism by the very people I needed to establish good working relationships with.

Internally I had a group of people who had never worked together before and, coming from different branches of the army, were naturally prejudiced against each other. The tribal nature of the regimental system creates in-group/out-group biases that can be challenging to overcome. I knew I had work to do to change this mindset and culture.

To address these issues, I made sure I was honest about previous failings and transparent about what we wanted to contribute. Then, I picked challenging tasks, but ones we could deliver on, to help build my team together while delivering tangible results to the international headquarters. I also gave my team leaders latitude as to how they would achieve their tasks; I just mandated what they needed to do. It was not all smooth going but we did manage to develop a culture of trust both within the team and with our international partners, and because of this, we achieved our mission.

This is just one example where I have faced important issues of trust in the workplace. I can think of many more – both good and bad – where the whole culture of an organisation is affected by the trust people feel for one another.

What do we mean by trust and why is it important?

So hopefully, with the example I have shared, we start to get an idea of why trust is important. But before we get ahead of ourselves let’s just check what we mean by trust. Which words come to mind when you think about trust? How would you define it?

Trust can be thought of as faith, belief, hope, conviction, or confidence. From these synonyms, we can start to see that trust has both a logical and emotional quality. We choose to trust a thing because of how we think and how we feel.

In relationships, trust is foundational, whether that is with friends and family, or with colleagues at work. In this context trust can be defined thus:

“Trust is the willingness of a party to be vulnerable to the action of another party based on the expectation that the other will perform a particular action.”

Aljazzaf, Oerry, Capretz (2010)

So, whether we are starting to get to know someone and building rapport, or maintaining a long-lasting relationship, trust is critical. But, knowing this, how do you develop a culture of trust and psychological safety in the workplace?

The neuroscience of trust

The first thing we need to understand is how our brains work when it comes to trust. Paul J. Zak has spent many years studying the neuroscience of trust (HBR, 2017). His research has centred around how the hormone oxytocin is related to trust. His work demonstrated that higher levels of trust are linked to the brain producing higher levels of oxytocin.

It is great knowing that oxytocin helps to develop trust, but it is unlikely that we will be wanting to dose ourselves with synthetic hormones just to be more trusting! Fortunately, during his research, patterns emerged of actions that promoted oxytocin levels (positive behaviours) and things that inhibited its production (such as high stress). These were narrowed down to eight key behaviours that foster trust.

The 8 behaviours that foster trust in the workplace

So here are the eight behaviours, identified by Paul Zak, that can help to release oxytocin naturally and build a more trusting culture in the workplace:

1. Recognise excellence
2. Induce “challenge stress” (difficult but achievable tasks)
3. Give people discretion in how they do their work
4. Enable job crafting (let employees choose projects to work on)
5. Share information broadly
6. Intentionally build relationships
7. Facilitate whole-person growth
8. Show vulnerability

It is worth taking some time out to reflect on these. As a leader or manager, what are you doing to foster these behaviours? As an employee, how would you rate your team on each of these behaviours?

With these eight behaviours, we have started to link the neuroscience of trust to the psychology and practice of trusting cultures. As with the cultural iceberg, we are linking what is seen in an organisation with what is unseen. But there is another model that is worth being aware of, and that is the trust equation.

The Trust Equation – understanding the psychology of trust

Charles H. Green developed the Trust Equation, along with David Maister and Robert M. Galford, co-authors of The Trusted Advisor. They explored the psychology of trust by looking at professional services and how people relate to one another. The result of this study was the Trust Equation.

The equation is actually a measure of trustworthiness, in other words, how much trust we are willing to invest in a person. In this context, to have trust between two parties, you need someone who is trusting and another person who is trustworthy. The equation gets to the heart of that relationship.

Equation of Trustworthiness:

Trust (or Trustworthiness) = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/Self-Orientation

For clarity, it is worth exploring the terms that Green uses in the equation. Here are some questions you can ask to think about how someone might score against each of these terms.

Credibility (words)

• Is the person professionally credible; do they live up to their CV?
• Do the person’s words fit their actions?

Reliability (actions)

• Are they dependable?
• Will they do what they promise?

Intimacy (feelings)

• Do you feel safe or secure around the person?
• Do you trust that person with confidential or personal information?

Self-orientation

• Is a person self-centred, putting themselves before the needs of the vision and team?
• Are they self-obsessed (always framing an issue from their own perspective) or do they look at a situation more broadly?

If you want to quantify each factor you can give a numerical value (1-10) for the answer to each question. You can score someone you are thinking about (to better analyse that relationship) or you can score your team culture to examine the levels of trust within your workplace. Finally, you can also use this as a self-reflection exercise and examine how you perform in each area. Remember to think of evidence – of actual experiences – to back up your scores.

The steps to building trust

So, those are the steps to building trust. Understand the trust equation and you can quantify the levels of trust that you have with an individual or team. Then you can implement the eight behaviours to develop a more trusting culture in your workplace.

Therefore, which behaviour do you most need to work on today?

I once had to suspend a member of my team in the middle of delivering an important project. It was a difficult decision and painful for everyone involved, but it needed to happen. The actions of this individual had eroded the bond of trust that they had with the rest of the group. As a result, the whole team was no longer working effectively. If the individual was allowed to continue, the productivity of the whole organisation would have been undermined. Trust in the leadership, team discipline and work processes would have been damaged.

The behaviour of the individual had impacted output but, in the end, it was all about trust. Trust takes time to build and a moment to lose. Helping to reinforce trust within a team, and to avoid these breaches of trust, is a vital part of a manager’s role. That is because where there is a lack of trust there will also be a lack of high performance.

Even without this example, we all know that trust is important in any relationship. But what do we mean by trust? How would you define it? And having defined it, what can we do to develop trust in our relationships at work?

Defining trust

Trust can be thought of as faith, belief, or hope. It is the feeling of confidence that we have in a person, organisation, or thing. Trust has both a logical and emotional quality. We choose to trust a thing because of how we think and how we feel.

In relationships, trust is foundational, whether that is with friends and family, or with colleagues at work. In the context of relationships trust can be defined as:

“The willingness of a party to be vulnerable to the action of another party based on the expectation that the other will perform a particular action.”

Aljazzaf, Oerry, Capretz (2010)

So, whether we are starting to get to know someone and building rapport, or maintaining a long-lasting relationship, trust is critical. But, knowing this, how do you develop a culture of trust and psychological safety in the workplace?

The neuroscience of trust

The first thing we need to understand is how our brains work when it comes to putting faith in someone. Paul J. Zak has spent many years studying the neuroscience of trust. His research has centred around how higher levels of trust are linked to the brain producing higher levels of oxytocin.

It is great knowing that oxytocin helps to develop trust, but it is unlikely that we will be wanting to dose ourselves with synthetic hormones just to be more trusting! Fortunately, during his research, patterns emerged of actions that promoted oxytocin levels (positive behaviours) and things that inhibited its production (such as high stress). These were narrowed down to eight key behaviours to foster trust.

The 8 behaviours that foster trust in the workplace

So here are the eight behaviours, identified by Paul Zak, that can help to release oxytocin naturally and build a more trusting and effective culture in the workplace:

1. Recognise excellence
2. Induce “challenge stress” (difficult but achievable tasks)
3. Give people discretion in how they do their work
4. Enable job crafting (let employees choose projects to work on)
5. Share information broadly
6. Intentionally build relationships
7. Facilitate whole-person growth
8. Show vulnerability

Let’s expand each one a little more.

1.     Recognise excellence.

Public recognition of someone, when they have achieved something, can be a huge boost to oxytocin. If the praise is unexpected and personal it is even more powerful. Such recognition also boosts confidence.

2.     Induce “challenge stress”.

Challenge stress is the idea of setting difficult but achievable tasks. These stretch targets prompt personal growth and team development as they require focus and collaboration. These are the BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) championed by Jim Collins in his book Good to Great. The balance here is to find the right level of challenge so as not to push people into negative stress and therefore managers should monitor such goals and adjust them accordingly.

3.     Give people discretion in how they do their work.

If people feel empowered to do work in their way, they are likely to be more motivated and therefore more productive. This trust and freedom have also been shown to improve creativity and innovation. The opposite of this autonomy is when people are micro-managed which has opposite effects.

4.     Enable job crafting.

Job crafting goes beyond discretion about how they do tasks and takes this further to allow employees to choose which projects to work on. Not surprisingly, people work harder on the things they care about. Google has famously championed this way of working, allowing employees to pursue personal projects for 20% of their time alongside normal responsibilities. The challenge for the leader is to align people with their passions while covering all the operational outputs required of a team.

5.     Share information broadly.

People like to be informed; conversely, they hate it if they feel kept in the dark, even if unintentionally. This is because we all need levels of certainty to avoid negative stress. To build trust, organisations need to be open about goals, strategies, and even challenges.

6.     Intentionally build relationships.

Relatedness is important. We all want to feel part of something. But you must be intentional about building a sense of belonging to build high-performing teams. Creating social events and opportunities for social interaction is very important. As mentioned earlier, achieving challenging tasks also helps build and deepen these relationships.

7.     Facilitate whole-person growth.

Good leaders have and promote a growth mindset. They help people to develop personally as well as professionally. They also do not limit a person’s growth to the opportunities available within their organisation. Work-life balance, considerations such as family and health, should sit alongside discussions about performance for a person to feel truly valued and supported.

8.     Show vulnerability.

Finally, people need to show each other vulnerability. Opening up to someone (in an emotionally intelligent way) is an act of trust in itself. As Brené Brown highlights in her book Dare to Lead, when a leader shows vulnerability – when they are truthful about what they don’t know, acknowledge mistakes, or ask for advice from subordinates – it actually promotes credibility and strengthens team bonds.

Encouraging positive behaviours in your team

Whether you are a leader, a team member, or a freelancer working with multiple clients, building trust is vital to effective work environments. Therefore, if you want to have good relationships and high-performing teams, seek to build trust through these 8 behaviours:

1. Recognise excellence
2. Induce “challenge stress” (difficult but achievable tasks)
3. Give people discretion in how they do their work
4. Enable job crafting (let employees choose projects to work on)
5. Share information broadly
6. Intentionally build relationships
7. Facilitate whole-person growth
8. Show vulnerability

If you are intrigued by the mindset of trust then I recommend you read How to Stop Your Primal Brain from Hijacking You at Work which explores neuroscientist David Rock’s SCARF model and the psychology behind our social connectivity. This will really help you improve your one-to-one as well as your team interactions.

You are away from home and need to go and see a doctor. How do you know whom to trust to help you? You look up local clinics on the internet and find two options. On one website there is a picture of someone, straight-faced, in casual clothes, accompanied by a short statement of them telling you how good a doctor they think they are. The other site has a picture of a smiling doctor (we know this as they are wearing a white coat with a stethoscope draped around their neck). In the background, we can see various certificates and below the picture is a description of how the staff care about you and your well-being. Which doctor do you choose? Which do you trust?

This is a hypothetical example, but it does demonstrate that knowing whom to trust is a vital part of our decision-making. Therefore, it is no real surprise that neurologically we have developed powerful mechanisms to assess how trustworthy people are. But explaining how this psychology works is slightly harder as the brain works largely intuitively in assessing whether we should trust someone or not.

Fortunately, research has shown that there are common elements at work when we analyse trust. Whether that is for a person we have just met or someone we have known or worked with for a while, it turns out that this feeling is based on some factors that can be measured. And this is where the Trust Equation comes in.

The Trust Equation – understanding the psychology of trust

The Trust Equation was developed by Charles H. Green, co-author of The Trusted Advisor, along with David Maister and Robert M. Galford. They explored the psychology of trust by looking at professional services and how people relate to one another. The result of this study was the Trust Equation.

The equation is actually a measure of trustworthiness, in other words, how much trust we are willing to invest in a person. In this context, to have trust between two parties, you need someone who is trusting and another person who is trustworthy. The equation gets to the heart of that relationship.

Equation of Trustworthiness:

Trust (or Trustworthiness) = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/Self-Orientation

For clarity, it is worth exploring the terms that Green uses in the equation as some may not be immediately clear. To make things very practical, here are some questions you can ask to think about how someone might score against each of these terms.

Credibility (words)

• Is the person professionally credible; do they live up to their CV?
• Do the person’s words fit their actions?

Reliability (actions)

• Are they dependable?
• Will they do what they promise?

Intimacy (feelings)

• Do you feel safe or secure around the person?
• Do you trust that person with confidential or personal information?

Self-orientation

• Is a person self-centred, putting themselves before the needs of the vision and team?
• Are they self-obsessed (always framing an issue from their own perspective) or do they look at a situation more broadly?

As mentioned before, our brains usually intuitively make this calculation but, with the equation, you can quantify each factor by giving it a numerical value (1-10) for the answer to each question.

The Trust Equation (explained in less than 5 minutes)

Examples using the Trust Equation

Let’s explore this with a couple of examples.

Example 1

Firstly, let’s examine how we might perceive the local barista who serves us our coffee in the morning. I am thinking of one in my favourite coffee shop. How do they score on credibility? Well, their claim to be a barista is backed up by the fact that they work in a good café, and I have seen them serve great coffee. Therefore, let’s give them 8 out of 10. In terms of reliability, whenever someone asks for their double-shot latté that’s exactly what they get (and it tastes good too!). So, 9 out of 10 here. In terms of intimacy, I don’t know them well enough to share all my personal life with them, but they do smile, say a warm hello and address me by my name. They make me feel good, thus, let’s make that 7 out of 10. By contrast, the score for self-orientation will be low as whenever I see this person, they are always serving other people. They are asking what other people want, not talking about themselves, so we can give them a 2 out of 10. Using the equation this becomes:

(8+9+7)/2 = 12

Example 2

Now let’s take a contrasting situation. Picture a politician whom you know of but don’t necessarily follow closely. I have one in mind. This person has been a politician for some time so there is credibility there, but they have also changed their messaging on certain issues. So, for credibility, we can give them a 6. This variation in what they say and do also impacts their reliability score as I don’t feel that they will do as they promise. Therefore, this might be a score of 5. In terms of intimacy, I don’t feel I have any real connection with this person. Would I feel safe with them? I would like to think so, but I still can’t give them more than a 6. For self-orientation, the score must be higher than the barista as, even though they are a public servant, I recall that when I have seen them in interviews, they are often defending themselves. Thus, here I would give them a 7. Now, using the equation we have:

(6+5+6)/7 = 2.4

How do we compare trust equation scores?

This prompts some interesting reflections. The scoring indicates that I trust the barista more than four times more than the politician. In some ways, this is true as I have a closer personal relationship with the barista, even if it is just because we know each other’s names. And I really like coffee.

But here we expose a problem. Even though we are giving a quantitative score to trust, this is impacted by qualitative feelings and influenced by cognitive bias. The barista gives me a lovely coffee every time I see them. That has a powerfully positive anchoring effect. By contrast, the politician suffers from negativity biasas I see them on the news which is emotionally negative. Also, if I am honest, I go to that coffee shop as it is the sort of place ‘people like me’ go to. This means I have an in-group bias towards that barista, but an out-group bias against a politician that belongs to a political party I don’t usually support.

Finding the right comparisons

Here we have illustrated what is good news for baristas but a perennial problem for politicians. We generally love the experience of getting a coffee but are less keen on politics. As our elected leaders feel ever more distant, and all we see are the U-turns in policy or the sound bites on the news, it becomes very hard to build trust with the electorate.

By contrast, we might feel that we generally trust doctors or teachers, but that is often because we have some personal contact with these people and even if we don’t know them personally we hold their qualifications (and therefore their credibility) in high regard.

It is important to note that this comparison of the barista to a politician is also unfair. Trust is also contextual. If the barista suddenly ran for political office, then we are likely to see their scores change, particularly in the realms of credibility. A fairer, and more useful comparison would be scoring one barista against another and one politician against another. That better explains why we might choose one café over another or vote for one representative rather than another.

Applying the trust equation

We all have an intuitive feeling when we trust people but sometimes, particularly when we are unsure of our feelings, it is worth quantifying them. Understanding the trust equation can help do just this and assess the levels of trust that you have with an individual or team.

Remember:

Trust (or Trustworthiness) = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy)/Self-Orientation

Why not experiment with the equation now? You can score someone you are thinking about (to better analyse that relationship) or you can score your team culture to examine the levels of trust within your workplace. Finally, you can also use this as a self-reflection exercise and examine how you perform in each area. Remember to think of evidence – of actual experiences – to back up your scores.