Ignoring is not listening. This might be done actively, when someone is purposely displaying defensive body language and focusing on something else, or more passively when someone allows themselves to be distracted rather than giving the speaker their full attention.
To move beyond this level of listening, make sure you are giving someone your full attention, maintaining eye-contact and not getting distracted.
Pretending
Here, the listener uses body language and eye contact to appear to be listening, but is not actually paying attention to the speaker. They might nod and smile, but their thoughts are elsewhere. This pretending can be spotted as the listener is likely to have a glazed expression, and they will they will not respond appropriately to ideas or questions.
To improve beyond this level of listening, be more curious about what the other person has to say, ask them open questions and shut out other thoughts.
Selective listening
Selecting listening is listening just to the elements that are of interest and tuning out everything else. This can be useful in certain situations, such as when someone is listening to extract certain information. Or, to critically distinguish fact from fiction. People might selectively listen when forced to multi-task. For example, if they must take notes at the same time as listening.
To move beyond this level of listening, put your entire focus on the speaker and don’t interrupt them. Don’t internally critique what the other person is saying or just think about what you want to say next.
Attentive listening
Attentive listening is paying attention to the speaker and taking in what is being said, but here, the main focus is on the factual rather than the emotional content of the message. Therefore, the person hears the words but may not pick up on the non-verbal cues such as tone and body language.
To move beyond attentive listening, open yourself up to all the ways the other person is communicating beyond just their words. Be conscious of their body language and tone, and listen for assumptions.
Empathetic listening
Empathetic listening is active listening that seeks to understand the context of the message (the beliefs, values and feelings) and also pick up on non-verbal and emotional signals.
Listening with empathy is not just sympathetic listening. The listener is not just mirroring the emotions of the speaker but genuinely trying to understand the context of the feelings and seeking to understand the perspective of the speaker.
This is the highest level of listening. Here, the listener gives the speaker such good attention that it actually improves the quality of the speaker’s thinking. This is also known as generative listening.
Progress in stages to level five listening
In summary, the five levels of listening are:
Ignoring
Pretending
Selective
Attentive
Empathetic
So, next time you are in conversation, think about what level of listening you are working on. Try to improve your level and work towards more active, empathetic listening.
If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions
About The Right Questions
The Right Questions is for leaders who want coaching towards greater clarity, purpose and success. We are all leaders (whether we know it or not) as we all have influence. So the question is, what are you doing with your influence?
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