Where have you come from? How would you explain the story of your journey up until now? What are the key milestones of personal history thus far?

The ‘where’ question is an important one. It helps us think about:

• Where have we come from?
• Where are we now?
• And, where are we going?

We will look at each of these in turn and firstly we will consider the question that relates to our past, as that is the first step in developing a deeper self-awareness, a better understanding of our present situation, and a clearer picture of our future prospects.

“It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going. And if you don’t know where you’re going, you’re probably going wrong.”

– Terry Pratchett

Understanding our past without being held back by it

We all have a history, a different personal story of our past. Along that path there will be various milestones; important experiences that have left an indelible mark on the way, shaping our character and direction.

Some of these milestones mark positive achievements, whilst others are more like tombstones of darker remembrances. All these experiences, good and bad, shape us. For example, consider the story of Victor.

Victor Emil Frankl was born in Austria and his fascination with psychology led him to become a successful psychiatrist. But, as a Jew, he was deported to a concentration camp in the 1940s and ended up in Auschwitz. He suffered incredible hardship and loss. His father, mother, brother, and wife were all killed or died in the years before the end of the war and his release.

Knowing his personal history, it would be perfectly understandable if Frankl had been consumed by loss, hatred, or desire for revenge, but that was not his response.

Man’s search for meaning

Victor Frankl went back to practising psychology after the war and he also wrote about his experiences in the bestselling book, Man’s Search For Meaning. The book is full of inspirational wisdom (and I highly recommend reading it). Here is a section where Frankl talks about how we consider our life and past:

“The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest.

What will it matter to him if he notices that he is growing old? Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees, or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him?

No, thank you,’ he will think. ‘Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.”

– Victor E. Frankl

Frankl’s positivity is all the more striking when we know what he went through. As therefore, as the experience of Victor Frankl demonstrates, the challenges in our past, even our pain, do not need to shackle us. We can choose how to react to our circumstances and our past. He found wisdom and meaning through the most horrific of experiences. It is his perspective, understanding and response to his past that makes him so inspirational.

It is an encouragement for us all. What can we learn from our past, no matter how painful? What wisdom can we take from our past and how can our experiences be used to make the world a better place?

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The ‘Where From’ Tool: The Logbook (your personal history)

My personal history is nowhere near as dramatic as Victor Frankl’s, but I do make a record of what I do and think about past experiences.

For example, as a Mountain Leader, it is important to keep a logbook. Logbooks demonstrate eligibility for qualifications and currency of experience. I have logs that cover mountaineering, rock climbing, mountain biking and ski touring. It can be a chore to maintain them (and it is often the requirement of a course or qualification that gives me the motivation to update them) but it is always satisfying to see what has been accomplished over the years.

Sometimes, in the struggle of the now, or in our focus on the future, we can forget how far we have come. Taking time to consider the journey to date can give you feelings of progress, satisfaction, and thankfulness. Reflecting on our past also increases our understanding of self.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

So that is why we consider the question, “Where have we come from?” And, as we can think of a logbook that records our milestones, in The Right Questions Toolkit, the ‘where from’ question is related to the Logbook Tool.

Logbook Tool Exercise: Updating your CV, résumé or LinkedIn profile

We don’t tend to keep a logbook of life, but we do have other records. These can help build a personal history. One classic one is the CV (curriculum vitae) or résumé. If you have ever applied for a job, then it is likely that you have created a résumé. Equally, if you are on LinkedIn, or a similar form of social media, then the details you put on your profile are effectively an online CV.

We can fill out our conceptual logbook by updating our CV, resume or LinkedIn profile and using the process as a reflective exercise. Just follow these steps:

1.        Update your curriculum vitae.

You can choose whether to create a CV from a plain document, use a resume template or fill in a LinkedIn profile online. The process is the same.

If you are preparing a CV for a specific position, it is worth tailoring the content accordingly. But in this exercise the aim is to capture as much as possible and, unlike with a work-focused resume, remember to include other important experiences beyond just job roles and qualifications.

For example, moving location, getting married or starting a family are not usually on a CV but are worth noting in this exercise (although you may not want to add these to an online profile).

When filling in my logbook, if I need help remembering what I have done, then my journal, photos and calendar usually give me the prompts I need. Similarly, when you are thinking back on past experiences, you can use your diary, schedule, and pictures as ways to jog your memory.

If you would like further advice on writing your résumé, then check out my article on How to Write a CV.

2.        Identify your personal history milestones.

If you were to draw a map of your journey thus far, what would you say were the key milestones? What were the most important achievements, decision points, or changes? Make sure to identify and list these milestones.

3.        Reflect on your key milestones.

Now take some time to reflect on your milestones, noting down the answers. Ask yourself:

• If you had to pick the five to ten most important milestones, which would they be and why?
• Are the milestones connected in any way? Which ones led naturally on to another?
• How did these milestones shape you? What difference do they make to the person you are today?
• What would be the logical progression from these milestones? How do you feel about that?

Well done! Thinking about our past can be tricky, even painful at times, but it is useful. It improves our perspective, understanding and self-awareness. Armed with this knowledge, we are better placed to think about where we are now and where we are going, the subject of the next two sections.

“You can’t really know where you’re going until you know where you have been.” – Maya Angelou

Do you really know who you are? Can you describe your character, your personality, your strengths and weaknesses? How good is your self-awareness really?

There is an old Greek aphorism ‘know thyself’ that has been quoted or paraphrased by many greats through the course of history, such as Socrates and Shakespeare.  It still rings true today as being self-aware is critical to how we relate to ourselves and others.

Therefore it is good to know your personality type, your strengths and weaknesses, your most effective learning methods, your preferred communication styles, your love languages.

We are also shaped by our values and beliefs.  Understanding this will go a long way to self-awareness.

Know yourself, and you will find it much easier to cope in every situation, establish meaningful relationships and develop yourself.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Polonius (from Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

The currency of relationships and the need for emotional management

Relationships are similar to bank accounts.  We know that we have to invest in friendships for them to be fruitful and at times we rely on people and have to make withdrawals.  We have to invest quality time, act in ways that develop trust and bring positive emotions and energy to make down-payments.

You often hear the phrase ‘a needy person’ and in these terms, you could say that they are a person who is always overdrawn when it comes to relational accounts – they always need someone else to invest in them.

It is a useful metaphor to keep in mind. When you are interacting with someone, ask yourself, am I investing in this relationship or am I making a withdrawal?

No one wants to be continually in debt, be that financial or relational, so we need to keep an eye on our personal balance.  The best way we can keep our own social and emotional bank account out of the red and into credit starts with being self-aware.

We need to know how to manage our emotions, how to recover our energy and which people will feed into our own reserves when we need it.

Personal development is another way we serve ourselves, and in the end, also serve others. It is not just about improving skills. As we increase in self-awareness, and we develop good habits, we also increase our resilience and effectiveness; not just our professional abilities and productivity.

Our effectiveness as professionals, as people, is built on a foundation of character. The stronger the foundation the higher you can build and the more positive the impact you can have.

The importance of character and integrity

We have to be true to our character. We have to be genuine and authentic. In the end, you won’t make it if you continually fake it.

Think about the people you most look up to.  Are they perfect?  You can be sure that they are not!  What then makes them so attractive? What is it about them that makes people want to follow them?  If they are successful, ask why are they successful?  What makes them different from the average person?  If you read biographies of such people one generally finds that the person in question is both self-aware and purposeful.  They have great strengths but also genuine vulnerability. This gives them integrity that is magnetic.

It is important to remember that we have to accept our own vulnerability and weaknesses or they will catch us up, or catch us out in the end. This takes real courage, as Brene Brown explains in her excellent book Dare to Lead, but it is the best way to maximise our potential.

If you are being proactive by maximising your strengths and being honest about your weaknesses people are more likely to trust you.  You will be more confident and inspire the confidence of others.  If you have a firm grounding in where you are and have a vision for where you are going then you will naturally be a more attractive person.

If you are secure in who you are then others will feel secure around you.  Therefore, start with yourself; the one person who you can really change.

Change starts with me, myself and I

This holds true for working through any sort of relationship challenges.  When family or friends hurt us it is very easy to see the faults in others and how things could be better if the other person changed.  The hard part – but the most effective way forward – is to look at yourself and start the improvement there. This is the true importance of self-awareness.

But it is hard to work out how to change unless you know your starting point.

Tools for understanding self

There are numerous tools, exercises and tests you can do to help understand yourself better. Here are of the main ones that I have found useful:

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

The Myers-Briggs test is based on psychological research developed from the work of Carl Jung. You can conduct a free version of this test (called TypeFinder) at Truity.com or go to the Myers-Briggs Company for a fuller paid version.

Big 5 (OCEAN) Personality Test

The Big 5 (OCEAN) test is another popular personality model, used by many employers (including NASA). You can conduct a free version of this test at Truity and also at Finding Potential.

Strengths Finder

The Clifton Strengths Finder is another research-based test. This one is a paid service run by Gallup. You have to pay to do this test but you can find more information by clicking on CliftonStrengths.

Learning Styles

There has been a lot of work of different preferred learning styles. You can find a good summary of some of the key ones on MindTools.

Love Languages

For understanding relationships, the 5 Love Languages is a great resource. It is particularly good for partners in a relationship to work through together. You can get the book on Amazon.

Have you ever done any personality or character profile tests? What test did you use and did you find it useful? Do leave a comment and let me know; I would be really interested to hear your thoughts.

Do a personal SWOT analysis

One simple and quick way to improve your self-awareness, to think about your present situation, along with your strengths and weaknesses, is to conduct a SWOT analysis, which you can find out more about in How to do a personal SWOT analysis.

Other free tests

There is a range of other free tests and resources that you can find at https://openpsychometrics.org

Use an online course: The Quest of Self-Discovery

I have created a journey of self-discovery that uses some of the tools mentioned here along with many others. You can try out the first section for free by signing up using the link below:

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“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom”

Socrates

How do you stand out in the workplace? What core competencies must you have to be successful in business? Work in all sectors is increasingly dynamic, and in order to succeed, employees must have the ability to deal with complexity, identify critical information, make sound decisions, and collaborate effectively with people both inside and outside their immediate environment. The problem is, many people lack the skills that employers need to achieve their goals.

CEB, a member-based advisory company based in the US, has recently published research looking into this challenge and the results are of vital importance to employers and employees alike. As a consultant friend of mine noted ‘this is gold dust!’ If you are wanting to be hired or looking to hire people then you should be thinking about this list of core competencies.

But before the list, here is Conrad Schmidt, global research officer for CEB, who frames the problem in this way:

“Employees today have more ambiguous objectives and are working with larger groups of stakeholders, making both flexibility and the ability to collaborate ‘must-have’ competencies for companies seeking higher levels of performance. Important business decisions are also being made lower in the organization, putting an even higher premium on good judgment. Building the next generation of high-performers will require organizations to cultivate these skills within their employee base and to be keenly aware of the dramatic shifts occurring in today’s work environment.”

What are the top 10 competencies?

CEB looked at the performance of over 20,000 workers from across the globe, incorporating data gathered from more than 40 different organisations. The conclusion of the study was that there are 10 competencies that, when exhibited together, identify someone as a high performer. The core competencies are:

1. Ability to Prioritize
2. Works well in teams
3. Organizational Awareness
4. Effective Problem Solving
5. Self-Awareness
6. Proactivity
7. Ability to Influence
8. Effective Decision Making
9. Learning Agility
10. Technical savvy

How can you develop the essential competencies?

The Right Questions is a framework that can be used as a tool to address these core competencies.  If you are seeking to improve in one of these areas then coaching can be a highly effective way to help you develop in these key areas.

Coaching, when done well, supports a client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal generally through facilitation of thinking.  This creates an environment of learning for the coachee.

Coaching can be described as:

Unlocking people’s potential to maximise their own performance. (Whitmore 2009: 11)

Or

The art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another. (Downey, 2003:21)

Research has confirmed that one-to-one coaching is the most effective and satisfying way to help people achieve their goals.  This is compared to group coaching, teaching or self-coaching (Losch et al; 2016).

If you would like to find out more about coaching and how to find a coach then please do email me via our contact page.

Also, you might be interested in The Quest, which is an online virtual coaching course which leads on you a journey of self-discovery, improvement and success. Just sign up using the link below to try the first module for free:

Leadership Development: Master the Top Leadership and Life Skills

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References

• Whitmore, J (2009) Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership, 4^th London: Nicholas Brealey.
• Downey, M (2003) Effective Coaching: Lessons from the Coach’s Coach, 2^nd London: Texere.
• Echart, S (2013) CEB Executive Guidance 2013, https://news.cebglobal.com/2012-12-20-CEB-Identifies-Anatomy-of-the-New-High-Performer
• Losch, S; Traut-Mattausch, E; Mulberger, M D; Jonas, E (2016) Comparing the Effectiveness of Individual Coaching, Self-Coaching, and Group Training: How Leadership Makes the Difference. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, pp.629

The philosophical author David Foster Wallace said,

There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. 

David Foster Wallace

But what did he mean and was he right?

Foster Wallace was talking about how our behaviour; our habits, decisions, and actions, are dependent upon what we believe. In other words, what we do is dependent upon our values. And to work out what we value, we need to ask some why questions.

Why are you doing that?

Why do you do behave the way you do? This sounds like a stupid question, but it is actually quite profound. Why do you do that job? What is the reason that you the leader or the follower in that situation? How come you hang out with those people? Why do you read those books?

The easy answer is usually to do with liking something or other. But that still begs the question, why do we like any one thing more than another? There is always another why. But some people do not like being asked why they act or think in a certain way.

As a parent, I am very aware that why questions can be challenging, if not downright annoying. Children love to ask why, and it can get very frustrating, especially when you just want them to do something.

But it is not the repetition that pricks us most; it is how quickly the thorny question can get to the edge of our understanding. Any parent will tell you that soon enough the answer becomes something like “that’s just the way it is.” With the answer, our ignorance, as well as our lack of patience, is exposed. But the question remains: why are things that way?

Be curious

We should all keep asking those sorts of questions. Therefore, stay curious. We do not need to be childish in our behaviour, but it is good to retain a child-like curiosity. That helps us to keep learning, keeps our sense of wonder and holds back the tide of cynicism that seeks to envelop us in our adult years.

The fact that you are reading this means that you are curious. You are intrigued to find out what I might think, what I have to say on this subject. What I find intriguing is that, even though we are likely not to have met, we are now involved in an exchange of ideas, where our beliefs, biases, and suppositions swirl together in metaphysical discourse, held in the luxurious debating chamber of your amazing mind. The very fact we can have this disembodied conversation is a wondrous thing!

There is wonder everywhere. So, remain curious. Keep asking questions. Provoke discourse.

What are values?

I like questions and, like Simon Sinek, my favourite questions are why questions. I appreciate why questions because they delve into motivation, into reason and belief. In other words, they expose the underlying values that drive purpose.

The values, exposed by why questions, are a thing of fascination to me. I have spent years examining my own values and helping others to identify theirs too.

But what are values exactly? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, values are defined as:

“Principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.”

Lexico

This is a good starting point, but we can understand the term further through exploring this definition and the word’s synonyms:

• Values are principles. They are ideals, truths, or propositions that we aspire to.
• Values are standards. They are the formal and informal precepts, regulations, and rules we live by.
• Values are judgements. They are the benchmark, the plumbline, the compass that informs our decision-making.
• Values are beliefs. They are the tenets, convictions, and ideas we put our faith in.
• Values are priorities. They are our motivations, the things that take precedence, that we give importance to and affect how we use our resources.

So that is what values are. Of course, the next question is why are they important?

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Worth-ship

Values are important because they drive our behaviour. It starts with principles shaping our thinking. Standards inform our judgements and impact our decisions. We then plan according to our beliefs and act in line with our priorities.

Those are values. And values are about value; the worth that we give something. So, what do you value the most? Where do you place your worth?

If we value something very highly, we give it worth above other things or even ultimate worth. We build our lives around it. This prioritising, giving position, reverence or regard was called worschipe in Middle English.  This evolved into the present word worship.  In other words, even if you do not consider yourself spiritual, we all give something religious value.

We cannot help it. Our time and resources in life are finite and therefore we must prioritise. Something ends up on a pedestal. It may not be a spiritual entity we put on the throne of our lives but one way or another we will take a good thing and make it a god thing.

The importance of understanding our motivations

Sometimes we are not fully conscious of what this base belief is. Or we can be tentative about sharing our motivations with others.

Either way, it is vitally important we understand what drives us. That is because there are dangers hidden in what we value. As David Foster Wallace puts it:

“If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough…

…worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you…

…worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear…

…worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. 

David Foster Wallace

So, it is crucial that we know what we give ultimate worth to and ask ourselves why we value it so highly.

The reason we do things

This sort of self-exploration can be a scary journey as we can be confronted by some uncomfortable truths. Often, what we think is the reason we do something is not the actual reason. As financier J P Morgan observed,

“A man always has two reasons for what he does—a good one, and the real one.”

J P Morgan

The journey of self-discovery is an essential one.  We need to know where we place our worth because what happens when these things are challenged or even taken away? What are we left with?

Crises, such as the global pandemic, shake us and often expose the foundations of what we believe. Resilience has become the new word-du-jour, but real resilience starts in the mind and is dependent upon our values.

If what we value starts to crack under the strain of circumstances, then our lives can start to crumble around us. Therefore, we need to know if our values are vulnerable.  The only way to check is to dig down and unearth our philosophical foundations. Only then can we start any remedial works.

The 5 Whys

There are lots of thinking and coaching tools you can use to conduct this psychological survey but one very good way to start is with some reflection time and the use of a technique called The 5 Whys.

The approach was developed by Sakichi Toyoda to analyse systems within the Toyota Corporation. The result was that he helped to revolutionise their production. Every system and action in the company were analysed by asking why, over and over again, until the primary reason was revealed, and the process could be refined.

We can apply the same approach to delve down to our fundamental motivations. Try in on a decision you have made today. You can take some time out to think, write in your journal or talk this through with someone. Whatever works best for you. Answer the question as to why you made that choice. Then ask why of that answer, and continue five times, or however many you need to get to the prime reason.

For example, I might ask why I am writing this. The answer might be that because I have planned that task into my diary. But why did I plan that activity into my calendar? Well, largely it is because I enjoy writing. But why do I enjoy writing? I enjoy writing because the process helps me share personal insights. Why is that important? Because I am motivated by helping people in their own personal development. Why do I care about other people’s personal development? Because I think people have amazing potential and I love to be part of helping to unlock that.

You can see from this example that asking why of even simple everyday activities can be very insightful.

One of the great things about the 5 Whys technique is that you can use it at almost any time and in pretty much every situation. It can work well as a mindfulness technique. If you feel a certain way, ask the 5 Whys. If a thought pops into your head, ask the 5 Whys. When you make a decision, ask the 5 Whys.

The next step on your journey of self-discovery

As Foster Wallace pointed out, we all worship something. If we do not know what that is, or we pick the wrong thing then we run the risk of it undermining our happiness.

So, we need to do some self-reflection to identify what we prioritise and understand our personal values. Start by asking why. Use The 5 Whys technique to explore your thoughts, choices and actions.

Good luck on your journey of self-discovery. I promise you will be better off for it!

I watched the target intently. I could see the picture rise and fall in my sights as I breathed, the crosshairs tracking a vertical line as my lungs expanded and contracted. Having positioned myself carefully, I aligned my body so that I naturally achieved my point of aim. My rifle was held securely, nicely balanced, but without any tension in my muscles. Feeling calm and focused, I let the crosshairs sink once again, then held my breath as they came to rest on the centre of the target. I increased the pressure on the trigger, never letting the crosshairs move from their position. There was a jolt, as the shot released, but the rifle settled back into position, aligned to the midpoint of the target. I was hundreds of metres away, but I knew that I had hit it dead centre. I knew because I had applied my marksmanship principles, and everything had been in balance. It felt right.

Understanding and applying principles

Target shooting can be very satisfying but, as I found out in my military training, that does not mean that it is easy. That is because even though the principles of shooting are simple, maintaining those standards takes focus and practice. In that way, shooting is a metaphor for other areas of life. Even when we know the theory of how to do something the practice can be hard.

It is particularly hard if we do not know the fundamentals in the first place. Without understanding the key principles of shooting I might never have become a good marksman, no matter how much I tried. As Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool point out in their book Peak, there is an important difference between practice and effective practice. If we want to get better, we need to focus on doing things correctly, according to the appropriate standards.

So, what are the right standards? How do we know the principles to live by? This is the focus of this series on understanding values. The more I teach decision-making, facilitate leadership courses, or coach people through life’s challenges, the more I see the importance of understanding and acting upon our personal values.

The need for balance and alignment

Much of the importance of values comes down to balance. There are so many reasons that we need balance in life. Whichever aspect of our existence you look at – such as work, relationships, or health – it is a lack of balance that causes problems.

We need alignment in each area of our lives in order to flourish. To lead we need integrity; a boss needs to walk the talk if they are to be truly effective. To make effective decisions we need to make sure our choices fit our values. It is similar to our wellbeing; to be happy our expectations cannot be too far removed from reality. Our self-esteem is also dependent upon balance. We need to behave in line with our principles and live up to our standards. This is why it is so important to know our values and understand how to monitor them.

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.

Brian Tracy

How to work out your values and monitor your principles

I regularly take time out to re-examine my values and reflect on them to make sure they are captured accurately and to measure how I am doing against my principles. I also tend to look at my principles first before I go about setting goals. As with target shooting, you must point in the right general direction before you home in on a specific target.

It may be that you already have a clear idea of your values, or it could be that you have never really considered your personal principles. Either way, here is a good exercise to go through to identify, refine and test your ideals. Here are the steps to follow:

1. Identify a long list of values

2. Prioritise the list

3. Assess your principles against your actions

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1. Identify a long list of values 

First, write out a long list of words that sum up your personal values. There is no limit on how many phrases to use at this stage. It is worth doing some brainstorming and thinking about the words that best sum up your principles. The choice of words is important as our interpretation of language is nuanced and personal. The terms you choose must connect with you and express both your head and your heart.

Remember, as noted in my earlier post on why what we value matters,

• Values are principles. They are ideals, truths, or propositions that we aspire to.
• Values are standards. They are the formal and informal precepts, regulations, and rules we live by.
• Values are judgements. They are the benchmark, the plumbline, the compass that informs our decision-making.
• Values are beliefs. They are the tenets, convictions, and ideas we put our faith in.
• Values are priorities. They are our motivations, the things that take precedence, that we give importance to and affect how we use our resources.

Once you have a list, or if you are struggling to think of the right words, then you can use example inventories of popular principles as a prompt. You can find such examples in What Are Your Personal Values where I have listed over 150 common values.

2. Prioritise the list 

Once you have a comprehensive list of values the next thing to do is to prioritise the list. Initially whittle it down to ten, then aim for five or fewer. The reason to do this is to identify the most important principles, the ones that dominate your decisions and behaviours. To do this you may want to take your initial list and score each value out of ten. If you still need to reduce the list then do direct comparisons between the words you have chosen, ask yourself, if I had to choose between x and y which would be the most important?

Once you have your top five values then take some time to write out what they mean to you. As mentioned earlier, the exact meaning of a term can be very individual so write out a short sentence to define what that standard means in terms of informing your actions and decisions. This is very important. The value does not exist as just a conceptual ideal, it must be understood in relation to your thinking and behaviour.

3. Assess your principles against your actions  

The next step is then to assess each of your top principles against your actions. Here you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Reflect on your day, your week, your month and give yourself a score from 0-10 in terms of how close you lived up to your standards. Also, reflect on other big life moments and decisions, or when you were particularly happy or sad, how did you align with your values at those key times?

Examining the gap between the values we espouse, and our actual behaviour can be very revealing. Here are some common things to look for:

Continual misalignment

If there is a continual misalignment then we must ask ourselves if we really hold to that principle. It might be that we think we value something because it is a standard upheld by our culture, family, or organisation. It may well be a good precept, but it may not drive us personally. If that is the case, you might want to go back to the prioritisation exercise and see if there are other values that better describe your actual choices.

Temporary misalignment

Often, we find that we have strayed from our principles in a particular choice or fallen short of our principles in a given situation. This is not a long-term trend, more of a temporary blip. These can leave us feeling unhappy or anxious until we resolve the issue. Once you have identified the instance where there was a problem you can reflect on what you need to do to bring things back on track. Is there a decision that needs to be changed, a relationship that needs to be mended, or a goal that needs to be set? Whatever it is, work out what action will restore your balance.

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Apply your principles and maintain your aim

If you want to achieve your aim it is not enough just to know what your target is. You are unlikely to hit the target if you are facing the wrong way. Therefore, you need to know your guiding principles if you truly want to succeed.

Whether you want to achieve a goal, get a better balance in life, develop as a good leader, or improve your decision-making, all these things are dependent upon understanding your personal values. The better you understand your own standards, the happier and more effective you will be.

So, take some time to:

1. Identify a long list of values
2. Prioritise the list
3. Assess your principles against your actions

Seeing how close you align with your principles is foundational to creating a meaningful plan for any self-improvement. So, check your values today but then frequently take time to see how you are measuring up to your standards.

Apply your principles, maintain your aim, and you will hit the target!

In this post, we are going to be looking at how to write a CV (also known as a resume, pronounced résumé) with some exercises you can employ to help you. I will also be offering some advice on templates and examples.

What is a CV or resume?

A resume is a document that summarises your professional experience including your work history and qualifications. ‘CV’ stands for the Latin ‘Curriculum Vitae’ meaning ‘the course of my life’, and a resume is effectively a concise version of your work life.

Therefore, whether you are actively looking for a new job or not, you should keep your CV up to date as life develops. This is for several reasons:

• You never know when an opportunity might arise and someone will ask for a copy
• Your CV is the basis of your ‘brand’. It should be a reference document for all your online profile pages.
• Updating your CV is a useful exercise in assessing where you have come from and where you are. It helps you to take stock of your situation so you can assess your progress and plan your next moves.

“To Determine Your Future, First Understand Your Past“

Tschäppeler and Krogerus

Steps to creating a CV or resume

Follow these steps to create your own curriculum vitae:

1. Content. Write out a long version of your resume. This should include all the elements listed below.
2. Tailor. Now consider who the CV is for and edit accordingly. For example:
   • re-write your objective or personal statement specifically for the position you want to apply for
   • Look at the experience, competencies or qualifications in the job advert and make sure you include the necessary elements
3. Edit. Keep editing the wording until you have a resume of less than two sides (A4/US letter)
4. Format. Now work on the formatting so the CV is both nice to look at and easy to read
5. Review. Check your content, spelling and grammar and then get at least one other person to do the same and give their opinion

Content: What should be in a resume or CV?

A good CV or resume will generally include the following:

• References (3-5 people)
• Personal details
• Personal profile or objective
• Professional experience and career history
• Education and qualifications
• Other skills and competencies
• Interests and hobbies

Start by listing elements of content but don’t stop there. Most CVs are dull lists of un-associated information. A list may give some facts but they do not necessarily sell you. You need to tell a story and demonstrate how you will bring value to the organisation you are applying to.

One excellent piece of advice I was given, when writing my résumé, was to think of four or five success stories from work or your greatest life achievements. For each of these stories, write a paragraph on what the situation was, what was the role you were playing, how you solved the problem, and then outline the results of achieving your goal. Illustrate the story with hard statistics (such as the amount of profit, percentage growth etc), to back it up.

Now create your bullet points as if they are headlines from the story. I do not mean that each point should be overly sensational or be some silly tabloid play on words, but each sentence should have an impact and point to a larger story.

Tailor: Answer the question

It is vital that your CV answers the questions that the recruiter is asking. Think of it as an essay; you need to ask the question that has been set.

When a company announces an opening for a position it is because they have a gap; it is a problem that needs to be solved. They set out the problem in the advertisement and you want to be the solution.

If there is a job description for the post then scrutinise it. Does your CV tick the box for each qualification, level of experience and competency that the recruiter is advertising for? If you do not satisfy each requirement then what evidence are you offering that you can still do the job? If you are actually in the process of applying for a role then consider the content of the covering letter as this can help to reinforce how you are the answer to the question.

Edit: Make is short, clear and concise

I am a firm believer in keeping CVs short and to the point. I have sifted hundreds of CVs and a large HR department may have to look at thousands (one of the reasons many firms are turning towards online applications). You may be very proud of everything you have achieved, and rightly so, but your CV is your elevator pitch, your foot in the door, not your life history. You need your CV to get you that interview; then you can elaborate on how amazing you are.

Write out your long version, to begin with, include everything and then keep that as a reference copy but then refine the CV for each application. There is plenty of debate on how long a CV should be but it is generally accepted that it should not be longer than two sides long.

If you need two pages, make sure the most important information is on the first page, and the critical points are at the top. Someone may only look at your CV for a few seconds; make sure they count. It is worth refining a one-page version, even if you eventually choose a longer one, just to help with editing and focussing on the most important information.

Format: make a positive impact

First impressions count. Looking smart, smiling and giving a firm handshake is important in making a good first impression in an interview. The same principles apply to the résumé; a CV needs to grab (and keep) the attention of the reader. Therefore it is vital that it looks good and that there are no mistakes in formatting or spelling.

If you make a bad first impression it is very unlikely you will get any further. I can speak from experience. When I have seen CVs that are badly formatted, difficult to scan or have spelling mistakes then I draw negative conclusions about the person that wrote the document. Remember: if your document looks professional people will think you are professional.

Review: check and then get a second opinion

Even though I would suggest you write your own CV I would also recommend that you get at least one person to check it over. Get a friend, a colleague or a coach to read it through, proof-read it and comment on the content and style. It is a good idea if you can provide a few examples for people to choose from and comment upon.

Choose people who will give you honest feedback. If you can get advice from someone in your network who is an HR professional or recruiter then so much the better.

Keep adapting: chameleon communication

Some people do not like changing their CVs when applying for different roles. They often mistakenly think that adapting their résumé for a new position is either:

• Too much time and work to bother
• That it is somehow lacking in integrity to change what they have written

But they are missing a very important point. You certainly do not want to lie about your skills and experience (this will soon get found out) but in any sort of communication, you should consider your target audience.

For example, when I was leaving the military and moving into project management I had to translate my experience for my new audience. How was someone in an HR department supposed to know that my experience as an ‘Operations Officer’ was equivalent to being a ‘Programme Manager’? If I had not adopted new terminology then my CV would have been completely misread. Make sure you write your CV in the language of the industry you hope to work in.

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You are your own marketing department

Equally, you should think of changing your layout and style depending upon whom you are applying to. Your CV is a marketing tool, you are selling yourself, and you need to research the market you are trying to sell into. In other words, if you are applying to a law firm they may appreciate a more traditional and conservative CV whereas a media start-up will probably prefer something more original and creative.

Templates and examples

There are loads of templates and examples of CVs available to help you get started. Newer versions of word processors such as Microsoft Word and Mac Pages all have templates that you can use. I have adapted and used such templates with great success in the past.

There are lots of templates available on the internet, many for free, and I would not recommend buying a CV unless you are sure you are going to get a return on that investment. Equally, I would not get someone to write your CV for you either for the same reasons, and you don’t want to be splashing out every time you need to adapt your CV for some new application.

To get you started I have created a simple CV and resume template that you can download for free – just click here. It also includes some further guidelines on how to craft the content of your resume. The headings and outline will provide you with a guideline to what to include.

Whatever template you go for I recommend that you personalise it in some way. You want to make it your own and stand out from the rest. You do not want to turn up at the party wearing the same outfit as someone else.

Your CV is a living document

Once it is written do not think of it as being written in stone; your CV should always be a work in progress. Review, update and adapt it on a regular basis. This is a useful tool in developing your self-awareness, personal brand and as a starting point for planning your own career.

Colonel John Boyd, a strategist with the USAF was a fighter pilot who studied decision-making in dogfights. He actually worked at the ‘Top Gun’ school of Tom Cruise fame. He proposed that as a situation evolves we have to observe the changes and orient ourselves to new information. We can then decide on the best course and take action. In other words, decisions are made in a recurring loop of:

• Observe,
• Orient,
• Decide and
• Act.

This is the OODA loop.

Sometimes this process is relatively slow and objective and we can pause to consider what we do. At other times the information and situation may be changing so fast that things become subjective. Then we have to work on instinct. This relates to the System 1 (fast) and System 2 (slow) thinking popularised by Daniel Kahneman.

Because the cycle takes place, no matter how fast the situation is unfolding, the specifics of how we orientate ourselves is of key importance.  As Boyd notes:

“The second O, orientation – as the repository of our genetic heritage, cultural tradition, and previous experiences – is the most important part of the O-O-D-A loop since it shapes the way we observe, the way we decide, the way we act.”

It stands to reason that as we try and orientate ourselves it is useful to have others providing input. This is because external insight broadens the scope of the ‘repository’ of genetics, culture and experience. So, if time allows, get more quality data from others. When there is no time it is the depth of experience of the person making the decision that really counts. This allows for good intuitive decision-making (see Blink by Malcolm Gladwell).

How to apply the OODA loop

Boyd developed his ideas in a military context. His aim was to help speed up the decision cycle of USAF pilots so that they could get inside the enemy’s decision cycle.  To win a dogfight a pilot needs to make better and faster decisions than the adversary. Also, maintaining the initiative creates opportunities that can be further exploited.  The same thinking is applied to business and outsmarting the competition in the marketplace.

At first, this may not seem to have a direct application to our situation. But, in our case, the enemy is often ourselves. Equally, it could be our situation or any other challenge we face. We often do not make time to assess a situation and therefore we can fail to orientate ourselves properly. It follows that we then become reactive rather than proactive in response to our circumstances.

A foundation for decision-making

The great thing about this model is how simple it is. Boyd identified the bare essential elements of decision-making. Therefore, the OODA loop is really useful in helping us understand other decision-making tools and frameworks.

‘The Right Questions’ framework is designed in the same way. It follows the same simple cycle but expands the process so that it can be easily used for strategic planning as well as quick decision making.

Have you ever felt burnt out? I have.

One day I woke up but I could hardly move. I felt smothered under a leaden blanket – utterly drained of energy. Trying to sit up induced waves of fatigue making me fight for breath. What was happening? It was as though someone had replaced my body. This faulty one could surely not belong to me.

I assumed I had some infection, probably the flu. But a day in bed became a week and I was still no better. By the end of the second week, I was getting scared. I had never been ill for this long before. I wondered if I would ever recover.

But it was not a virus that I was suffering from, it was fatigue. I had burnt out. I was suffering from complete mental and physical exhaustion. I had run my tank to empty, and my body had shut down. I did eventually recover, but it was many weeks before I was close to normal.

The guilt of burning out

On top of feeling bad physically, I also felt terrible mentally and emotionally. I had not realised how much of my self-worth related to my physical wellbeing until it was taken away from me. I was like Samson, shorn of his locks. I also felt guilty. Guilty for letting people down at work. Guilty that my wife had to look after me. Guilty that I did not have a ‘proper illness.’

And why now? I had been tired before. In my military career, on exercises and operations around the world, I had been frequently tested to the limits of my endurance. But now? Now I was working for a church. My colleagues were my friends, and I was passionate about what I was doing. I lived in a comfortable flat with a loving wife. How could I be so weak as to collapse?

A slow-motion car crash

In the aftermath of my burnout, I started to examine my life and the causes of my exhaustion. Medically, I had not developed full-blown chronic fatigue syndrome (that lasts for more than six months) but my illness had shaken me. Situationally, there was no one moment or big event that tipped the balance. My collapse was the compounded effect of a lifestyle I had been living for several years.

I had been like a car, brakes locked, sliding slowly down an icy road, drifting inevitably towards the crash barrier. I realised that if I had been wiser, then my crash could have been avoided. There had been tell-tale signs that I was in a downward spiral. It was just that I was oblivious to them. My dashboard was flashing warning lights, but my eyes were just fixed on the road ahead.

When we drive a vehicle, we know we can accelerate hard or go fast for a time, but we cannot run that way for long. We must manage the strain on the engine. It is also essential to frequently refuel, check the oil and water levels. Vehicles require servicing after a specific duration or mileage.

The metaphor of driving helped me to understand my situation. It made me wonder, what are the dials on my dashboard? What do I need to monitor to make sure I don’t empty my tank or crash again? How should I retain balance?

Work-life balance or whole life balance

People often talk about work-life balance, but this makes us think of a scale with work on one side and the rest of life on the other. This picture does not do justice to the complexity of our lives and our vocation’s interconnectivity with other aspects of life.

One model I found much more illuminating was the Wheel of Life which takes a much more holistic view of how our lives are made up and where there might be an imbalance. This is a great tool and one I still regularly use for myself and my coaching clients.

I also re-examined my personal values. This was also very informative. By identifying my core values and comparing those to my decisions and life choices I could identify the small compromises that had compounded over time. Even straying, just by a little, from my moral compass meant that over time I got further and further from where I has set out to be.

Bringing all of this together I created my dashboard – a set of personal dials that have helped me to avoid burnout in the fifteen years since my burnout. I grouped these dials into four categories that covered heart, body, mind, and soul. For each sub-category, I have included questions that can help in monitoring your levels.

The burnout prevention dashboard

HEART

Emotions

Emotions are natural and good but if we do not monitor them then they can become ever more erratic or extreme. Therefore, ask yourself:

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you feel (1 being depressed and 10 being joyful)?
• Are you losing your temper faster or slower than usual?
• When you get angry are you holding onto those feelings longer or shorter than usual?
• Do I feel I am in control or do I feel trapped in my situation?

Relationships

Whether we are introverts or extroverts we all need quality social interaction. We also need to realise that some relationships give us more energy (on balance) and others leave us wanting. Examine your network and ask yourself:

• Who gives you energy and who drains it?
• Are you spending more time with those that sap energy or give energy?
• Which energy-draining relationships should be stopped?

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BODY

Health

This is not just whether we are ill or not, this is whether we are keeping fit and healthy. We all need adequate exercise and a good diet. So, ask yourself:

• How much exercise have I had today/this week? Is it enough?
• Am I eating at appropriate times or am I snacking too much?
• What proportion of my meals would be considered healthy?

Sleep

The most important aspect of rest, and the most regularly abused, is sleep. Put simply we need sleep to live. Our physical wellbeing and ability to fight infections, our cognitive abilities and memory, our emotions and mental health are all dependent upon sleep. Scientific research has shown that adults need at least seven, but generally closer to eight or nine hours of sleep. If you think you are an exception to that rule, then you should read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. We should all ask:

• Am I getting more than 7 hours of quality sleep at night?
• Am I watching screens just before trying to sleep?
• Am I snacking or drinking alcohol or caffeine too close to bedtime?

Vacations 

As well as sleep we should also plan other rest periods. Weekends and holidays provide the chance to have a rest from the pressures of everyday life. Unfortunately, our interconnected world and smart devices can make it hard to disconnect at times. Therefore, it is important to plan vacations and protect them.

• When is my next day off and how will I protect my recovery time?
• When can I switch off my phone/email/social media for at least a day/week?
• When was your last vacation? When should you have your next holiday?

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MIND

Safety

As per Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our security is a basic human need. If threatened, we are already likely to be in a highly stressed state and displaying fight, flight or freeze responses to our situation. Once physically safe we also want to be psychologically safe; in a space where we can think, experiment, and learn without fear. Check:

• Are threats in my physical environment affecting my thoughts and emotions?
• Am I fearful about the response of people to what I think, say, or do?
• Am I able to plan for and think through challenges, or am I just reacting to them?

Learning 

We all need mental stimulation. Without it, our brains stagnate. We must plan our personal development and embrace the challenges that we face and growth opportunities. We need to remain curious, keep trying new things and not be worried about getting things wrong. We need a growth mindset. To monitor this, you can ask:

• What are my development goals and how I am progressing?
• What new thing did I learn today?
• Which mistakes did I make and what can I glean from them?

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SOUL

Reflection 

Self-actualisation sits at the highest point on Maslow’s hierarchy. This is where we are reaching our full potential. To get to this place we need to understand our purpose, we need to understand why we are doing what we are doing. This requires time for reflection and remembering to keep asking the big questions of life, such as:

• What does long-term success look like for me? Am I working towards that today?
• What is my purpose; why am I doing what I am doing? What are my values?
• How am I developing and reaching my potential?

Mindfulness

Whether we call ourselves spiritual or agnostic, religious or atheist, there is plenty of evidence to show the importance of mindfulness and being thankful. Whether we are offering up prayers to a higher power or just taking time to appreciate the moment, there is room for remembering the now, as well as thinking about the future. Think:

• What am I thankful for today?
• How can I find more peacefulness today (for example a walk, meditation, or place of quiet)?
• How am I feeling right now? Take some deep breaths and scan your mind for anxiety and your body for tension.

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Keep watching the dials to manage your physical and mental health

I can testify to how painful it is to burn out. The good news is that it is largely avoidable, but we need to be proactive if we want to avoid crashing. It requires self-awareness, time for reflection and honest self-inquiry to monitor how we are doing and maintain a sustainable pace.

But it does not have to take long once you have identified the gauges you need to monitor. Take some time now. Think about your dashboard. What are the dials you need to watch? Which ones are in the red just now? What do you need to change? Adjust your speed and course now; don’t run the risk of crashing out!

I have just been away on what I would call a retreat in the Dolomites, the beautiful Italian mountains. There I was surrounded by the glory of nature and removed from the constant demands of work. Sounds a bit like a vacation, doesn’t it?

What is a retreat?

What does it mean to go on a retreat? It is not quite like a holiday, but it is a break from usual work. The difference is in the purpose. The idea of going on a retreat has spiritual origins. It is the physical removal of self from normal life to allow time for contemplation. The idea might be to reflect on character, purpose, values, motivation, or a combination of similar things. A lot of people go on organised retreats at special centres and with groups but it can also be done individually, as I have done.

A retreat is not fleeing in the face of adversity or running away from trouble. The military concept of a retreat (not a rout and fleeing in the face of the enemy) is a good analogy. A retreat, or withdrawal, is a considered action. It is a purposeful stepping back from the front line to allow time to regroup, recuperate and reconsider plans.

So, what is the purpose of my retreat? I was away to recharge my batteries, find space to think creatively and to reflect. I find that when I get some distance I can examine my plans and decisions from a different perspective.

Re-energising

Rest is important. It is critical to performance and yet we often neglect our own rest, particularly our sleep. If you are not convinced that you need at least seven hours of sleep per night to be at your best then you need to read Why We Sleep by Dr Matthew Walker.

Therefore, it is important to protect our downtime if we want to maintain our ability to perform well. I have learned that I need to put breaks into my diary – be that daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly – so that they become protected space and don’t get forced out by other needs. For example, this week of retreat has been blocked out in my calendar for months. If it hadn’t been then it would have been swallowed up in work.

Taking time out can feel like a dip in productivity, but actually, the re-energising and other benefits of resting increase our output in the long run. It also helps us avoid burnout.

For me an important part of the re-energising process is exercise. I have never been one for just lying on the beach, even when on vacation, and so on retreat I also like to keep active. This is not just a preference though. As scientists, such as Professor Jeff Edwards have shown, that physical exercise not only increases our energy levels, and improves our stamina, it also invigorates the brain, improves memory and reduces stress. And the exercise does not need to be overly strenuous (not all the time at least); walking is a prime example of an easy exercise that has a host of benefits.

I find it very hard to exercise in the gym for more than an hour. Generally, my workouts average 30-40 minutes. But in the mountains, the hours can slip by. Just walking up a hill can keep me in a constant aerobic state, pushing the body, but at a sustainable pace. It’s a great way to keep in shape. If you want to shed some pounds, then go and pound the trails in the hills!

Creative space

A retreat also gives time to think. The busyness and stresses of everyday life can stifle thought, particularly creativity and effective decision-making. Therefore, we need to make space to think, even to allow our minds to wander. When we give ourselves occasion for our thoughts to drift it allows the subconscious to work and new ideas will surface.

To help this creative process I love to be out in the natural world. And I am not alone here. From Hippocrates to Wordsworth, Newton to Steve Jobs, great thinkers, poets, and leaders down through the years have used the power of walking and the inspiration of nature for this purpose.

I find being out in creation feeds the senses as well as being a balm for the soul. When I walk and I let my thoughts drift my senses then become alive to the external world. The smell of wet grass or meadow flowers. The sound of wind through the trees, of rain drumming on the tent. Feeling the crunch of leaves underfoot or the rock beneath the fingers when climbing. And taste? No food tastes better or a drink sweeter than after an adventure!

So, if you want to think more creatively then take a walk on the wild side; get out of the home or the office and lose yourself for a bit in the great outdoors.

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Reflecting

With the right environment and activity, that creative thought can be coupled with purposeful reflection. Creativity is not just about artistic endeavour, it is about finding new way ways of thinking about and doing things. We may even find new purpose and direction when we reflect in this way. And here lies some of the deeper power of going on a retreat.

Self-improvement starts with self-awareness, and time away to reflect allows us to consider where we are, what we are doing and why. These where, what, and why questions relate to the concepts of vision, mission, and values.

When I am away on a retreat, I think about my personal values and how they align with my decisions. I recall my dreams and reflect on my progress towards that vision. Also, I consider my life’s mission and then reflect upon how I am doing in the pursuit of that purpose. I then think about my goals and assess whether those goals are supporting my vision, values, and mission.

Having gone through this process of reflection you can then be confident that any new goals that you set, or existing goals that you refine, will be in-line with your greater direction.

If you have never considered what your values, vision or mission might be then going on a retreat is the perfect time to do just that. If you are feeling angry, unhappy, or frustrated, there is a good chance that you are out of alignment with one or all of these things. It can be very hard to create the space to even grapple with these ideas, but unless you do you run the risk of remaining trapped in a negative situation. It is very easy to do; I know this as I have personal experience with this sort of challenge or mid-life crisis.

Why not go on a retreat yourself?

So why should you go on a retreat? Going on a retreat will help to re-energise you, and give you space to think creatively, and time to reflect. If you truly want to be productive and effective in what you do (and enjoy doing it) then setting aside time to consider your life’s purpose and your personal values, vision and mission is vital. It might be you want to go on an organised retreat or, like me, to head to the mountains for a while, but have a think about what might work for you.

Worried about getting the time to go on retreat? In time gone by people have gone on retreats for long periods but even a week might seem like a lot. If that is the case, then how about a long weekend or just a weekend? If you are really struggling, then even a day can be helpful. And I can guarantee, if you take that space – however long you can manage – and use the time well, then you will feel the benefit and want to do it again. Chances are that then, the next time, you will find some more time.

If you want help in organising a specialist leadership retreat for you or your team, then please do drop me a line via that Contact Page. I am presently planning some structured walking retreats (using trails such as the Camino de Santiago) if that piques your interest!

Are you working for a toxic leader? Do you have the kind of boss that makes you dread going to the office? What is it that makes them a bad manager?

Marcia Lynn Whicker popularised the term ‘toxic leader’ (1996) and the phrase is frequently used to describe bad leaders. But what does it actually mean? Sometimes we implicitly know that we are working for a terrible boss, but it can be hard to explain why.

The seven types of bad leadership

Fortunately, researchers have developed various models to identify the traits of bad leaders. For example, Barbara Kellerman conducted a study in 2004, motivated by the desire to define the characteristics of a toxic leader.

“In spite of all the work on leadership that assumes it by definition to be good, I describe how we exercise power, authority, and influence in ways that do harm.”

Barbara Kellerman

Kellerman identified seven traits of bad leaders. These are:

• Incompetent
• Rigid
• Intemperate
• Callous
• Corrupt
• Insular
• Evil

The first three sorts of leaders in this list are ineffective, the last three are unethical. So, let’s look at each one in more detail.

Incompetent

Does your boss not know what they are doing? Are they lacking the requisite skills or experience for the job? Are they constantly making the sort of mistakes you would not expect of someone in their position?

If the answer is yes then you may well be working for an incompetent manager.

Sometimes a person is simply not qualified to do a job. There is the danger for any leader (and here we need some self-awareness too) that someone can be promoted to the point of incompetence. In other words, just because a person is good in one role does not mean they will excel in a more senior position.

This sort of promotion mistake happens frequently at lower levels of management. People are frequently appointed to management because of time served or technical ability. This can lead to frustration or failure within a team. That is why careful selection and appropriate training are vital for each leadership responsibility stratum. This is best demonstrated in the skill framework of Robert Katz which shows differing needs for technical, human and conceptual skills as we progress through our careers and take on more responsibility.

Rigid

Is your boss closed to new ideas (or other people’s ideas)? Does your manager doggedly stick to a process, no matter the context? If they initiate a project are they unable to adapt it, or if necessary, kill it off?

In this case, we are most likely talking about a rigid leader, someone who may well have skills and experience but are unwilling to change.

By contrast, good leaders display flexibility. They are flexible of mind; open to new ideas and willing to change if the evidence shows that is the right thing to do. They are also able to apply Situational Leadership and adopt a style that suits the setting.

Intemperate

Does your line manager lose their temper easily? Is your boss hard to predict? Do your team leader’s emotions lurch from one extreme to another?

Here we are looking at an intemperate leader.

Bad leaders lack self-control. They struggle to manage their emotions or to see the impact of their emotions upon others. They display a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence.

Good leaders are not zombies. They do express themselves and demonstrate vulnerability, but they are also balanced. Effective managers are stable and conscious of how their emotional state affects the team. This balance is one of the key traits of being an Authentic Leader.

Callous

Is your boss self-centred? Is their language full of ‘me’ rather than ‘we’? Are they uncaring or blind to the needs of others?

If this is the case, then you are probably experiencing a callous leader.

The callous leader is petty and unkind. They are also selfish as they interpret the world primarily through its impact upon them, rather than considering others. This trait is dangerous as it destroys trust. In the trust equation it is self-orientation that is the denominator; the thing that undermines trustworthiness in any relationship. For a leader in a team, this can have dire consequences.

Good managers are considerate of others. This is best exemplified by Servant Leadership, where the leader is measured by how they develop the people they lead (serve) and work with them to achieve the goal.

Corrupt

Is your boss economic with the truth? Are they happy to climb over others, and gain an advantage by any means, on their way up the slippery pole of promotion? Do they take liberties with their expenses or other company resources?

If so, then your manager may well be corrupt to one degree or another.

Corruption is a lack of normal morals. People who do not see themselves as tied to usual precepts are happy to lie, cheat or steal to get want they want. That could be in pursuit of a goal, promotion or more money, but it is driven by self-interest.

This corruption is at odds with values-based leadership, where good leaders have a strong moral compass. A good leader is not just charismatic and successful; they also make ethical choices.

Insular

Does your leader hold onto power? Do they display a lack of equity in how they treat people? Does your boss have specific cronies and hangers-on?

This describes an insular leader.

An insular leader discriminates between people in a negative way. They have in-groups and out-groups; people whom they favour over others. These sorts of leaders do not share power with equality (if at all) and will strive to maintain their power dynamic by pushing others down.

Good leaders are not insular. A good manager is even-handed and will balance the needs of the task, the team and the individual (as in Action-Centred Leadership). They also encourage everyone in their team to flourish and grow. This is key to being a Transformational Leader.

Evil

Does your boss create an environment of fear? Are they destructive and immune to the damage they cause? Do they believe they are above concepts of right and wrong?

Here we are describing an evil leader.

I very much hope that your boss cannot be described as evil. Unfortunately, history shows us that such leaders do exist and can climb to the very top of any organisation. These leaders see themselves as ‘Great Men’ (and they are more frequently male) and seek power without moral responsibility.

Evil leaders accept no restraint. They will contemplate deliberate physical or psychological harm to others if it gets them what they want. And this behaviour reinforces itself if it works, in an ever-downward spiral. The evil leader will follow down that ever more destructive path if they are allowed to continue. Therefore, we all have a responsibility to look out for and challenge this sort of leadership.

A good leader does not achieve results by any means. A good leader, particularly one with large amounts of influence, surrounds themselves with people who can challenge them and stop absolute power from corrupting absolutely.

What to do if you have a toxic boss

So, if you think you are working for a toxic boss, consider these seven traits and identify what it is that makes them a bad leader.

Are they incompetent, rigid, intemperate, or callous? If yes, then it is likely their leadership is ineffective. They will not be building high-performing teams that continue to excel and deliver. The behaviour displayed here is unprofessional and it means that as well as being ineffective, the leader is not going to be a good role model.

Alternatively, they may be corrupt, insular, or just plain evil. In this case, the leader is immoral. These leaders undermine the values of an organisation. At worst, the impact of these immoral leaders can spread beyond just the team they work with. They can damage communities and even society as a whole. If you are working for this sort of leader you may well need to take some personal responsibility and find an appropriate channel to report any unethical or unlawful behaviour.

The bottom line is, if you are working for any sort of bad leader then consider your options. Are things likely to change and if so, then how? Can you challenge their behaviour? Is there someone you can speak to? Can you move teams?

It can be really tough in these situations (I know, I have been there too) but don’t just be a victim and just accept the unacceptable. Think about ways you can take some ownership of the situation.

Learning from bad leaders

There is one positive that comes from working for a toxic boss. There is no more powerful lesson in what it means to be a good leader than working for a bad one.

So, if you are pointing the finger at someone else today, ensure that you also reflect on your leadership. What do you not want to become? We all have weaknesses that could lead us to excesses in one or more of these areas. So be self-aware and do whatever you need to do to avoid evolving into that toxic personality.