What does resilience actually mean?

In terms of physics, the term resilience relates to how an elastic material can absorb energy when it is bent out of shape and then spring back to its original position. 

The Oxford Dictionary defines this as:

“The ability of a substance to return to its original shape after it has been bent, stretched or pressed.”

Picture a tree in a storm that is being buffeted by strong winds. A resilient tree is able to flex to accommodate the force of the wind. The branches and even the trunk might bend a bit (and it might lose a few leaves), but once the gust has passed, the tree returns to how it was before and carries on growing. 

What is a resilient person?

The idea of physical and mental resilience, relating to people, carries similar meaning. It is the ability to bounce back after experiencing stress or challenge.

The Oxford Dictionary defines this as:

“The ability of people or things to recover quickly after something unpleasant, such as shock, injury, etc.”

So, whether talking about things or people, resilience is about flexibility, toughness, elasticity, and buoyancy. It also relates to adaptability, endurance, perseverance, and fortitude.

What are signs of low resilience?

The signs of low resilience can be extrapolated from the opposites to the definitions outlined above. The antonyms of resilience include weakness, vulnerability, fragility and rigidity. A person of low resilience is likely to feel helpless, to be overly sensitive, and unable to deal with stress or manage emotions effectively. 

Ancient ideas on and approaches to resilience

There is an increased interest in the concept of resilience today, particularly in the workplace, but actually the idea of resilience is nothing new. The world has always been full of challenges, and therefore the need for resilience is as old as life itself. 

If you read ancient texts, they are full of musings on the nature of what we now call resilience. For example, the writings of King Solomon (970 to 931 BC) are full of wisdom relating to resilience, such as this quote on perspective:

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven… a time to break down, and a time to build up…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-3)

In a similar vein, Confucius (551 to 479 BC) said:

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

But it is the Stoic philosophers who are probably best known for their focus on was we now call building resilience.  For example, Seneca the Younger (4 BC – AD 65) wrote:

“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labour does the body.”

And the Stoics had the first thing that came close to what we would call a model for resilience in their four core principles. The Stoics believed that living by these four qualities allowed people to flourish. The four virtues are:

• Wisdom (Prudence). The proper application of knowledge, understanding right from wrong, and how to act in a given situation.
• Courage (Fortitude). The ability to face challenges, stand up for what is right, to endure hardship.
• Justice (Fairness). Treating people with kindness, equity, and honesty.
• Temperance (Moderation). Having discipline, self-restraint and self-mastery.

Modern developments

There is now specific academic interest in the subject of resilience, but before the term became widely used it was still very much a concept of interest. Modern literature – both fiction and non-fiction – is full of stories and examples of resilience. For example, Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings gives great examples of resilience, especially in the hobbit characters of Frodo and Sam. The fact that Tolkien draws upon his experiences of serving in the First World War, and the horrors of the Western Front, gives this story a depth that goes beyond your average fantasy novel.

For real-life examples of resilience, Viktor Frankl’s reflections on his time in Nazi concentration camps, captured in Man’s Search For Meaning, are heart-wrenching, terrifying and inspiring in equal measure. The same could be said for The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl

Modern models of resilience: The 7 Cs and the 5 Pillars

There are various modern models of resilience, the most common of which are the 7 Cs and the 5 Pillars.

What are the 7Cs of resilience?

Kenneth Ginsberg (2014) developed a model of resilience known as the 7 Cs of resilience. The 7 Cs are competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control. Here is a further explanation of each element:

1. Competence. Competence is about our ability to do something or handle a situation correctly. Competence comes from training and experience, which gives us the right skills and knowledge to deal with circumstances. 
2. Confidence. Confidence is a mindset. As explained by neuroscientist Professor Ian Robertson (in his book How Confidence Works), confidence is based on two core beliefs: that we can do something and that it can happen. 
3. Connection. Connection refers to human relationships. Good connection comes from strong ties to family, friends and community.
4. Character. Character sums up the mental and moral aspects of who you are. Choosing to live a life of integrity, with positive values, and with a strong sense of right and wrong, builds good character. 
5. Contribution. Contribution is what we bring to the world; it is our positive addition to our community. This contribution can give us both purpose and satisfaction as we use our skills and resources to help others. 
6. Coping. Coping is our ability to deal with stress. Life is full of change, pressure and problems; therefore, our capacity to cope is very important. Successfully coping with challenges further builds our capacity. 
7. Control. Control is the understanding of what we do and what we don’t control. Wisdom comes from knowing the things we can control (such as our attitude) and focusing more on these things, rather than the things we have less influence over, such as other people and external events.

Mental and physical resilience

As you can see from this list, the focus here is on mental resilience, rather than physical wellbeing, and this is the case with many resilience models, such as Lyn Worsley’s model for personal resilience, the Resilience Doughnut, which is similar to the 7 Cs and includes seven factors (the partner factor, the skill factor, the family factor, the education factor, the friends factor, the community factor, the work factor).

But it is important to remember that the two are linked. Building physiological stamina can also help build psychological resilience, and if our physical reserves are low, this will also impact our mental capacity.  

Therefore, if we want to be truly resilient, we need a holistic approach to resilience that incorporates the mental and physical aspects. Some of the 5 Pillars models (but not all) start to address this.

The Five Pillars or Facets of Resilience

There are various other models that claim five pillars or facets of resilience. I have listed several here:

Dr Robyn Hanley-Dafoe’s 5 Pillars of Resilience

1. Belonging – Social connections and support networks (a “home team”). This includes experiencing psychological safety and trust.
2. Perspective – Aligning head and heart. Prioritising time and energy towards what matters and seeing challenges as temporary and as ways to grow.
3. Acceptance – Acknowledging reality as it is and knowing the things we can and cannot control. This helps people focus their energy on what they can influence.
4. Hope – Hope is believing in the possibility of positive outcomes and our ability to influence the future. 
5. Humour – Humour releases pressure, can help maintain perspective, and gives you a reprieve during difficult times.

Thus, Dr Hanley-Dafoe brings a fresh perspective to resilience, but still does not capture the physical side. In contrast, the 5 Pillars as proposed by the Wellbeing Project do incorporate physiological factors:

The Wellbeing Project 5 Pillars of Resilience

1. Energy – healthy consumption, physical activity sleep and boundaries
2. Future Focus – purpose and personal control
3. Inner Drive – Motivation and self-belief
4. Flexible Thinking – open-mindedness and positive framing
5. Strong Relationships – building trust and accessing support

The Resilience Builder model is very similar and also includes a physical element:

The Resilience Builder Model

1. Purpose
2. Emotional Intelligence
3. Mental Strength
4. Physical Stamina
5. Social Support

Combining the ancient and modern models of resilience

My personal experience of emotional burnout led me to create my own model of resilience. I did this because I wanted a practical way to monitor how I was doing and, at the same time, build my capacity for managing stress. 

You can read more about this in:

How to Prevent Burnout: The Essentials to Monitor

I call this model the Whole Life Balance Model, and it looks at resilience through the four aspects of:

• Heart – emotional management, relationships and community
• Body – strength, health, nutrition, sleep and rest
• Mind – psychological safety, learning, skills and mindset
• Soul – motivation, mindfulness, values and purpose

As you can see, the four facets (heart, body, mind and soul) reflect wording from the Bible but also capture the various elements of the 7 Cs and 5 Pillars models. 

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Resilience analogies: the tree and being in balance

Returning to the tree analogy, I like to think of each aspect (from your preferred model) as being the roots that support the trunk of resilience. 

Here too we can see the overlap with the idea of balance. The wind pushes the tree out of balance, but due to its resilience, when the wind has passed, it returns to being upright and balance is restored. 

Resilience is also dynamic. In the same way a tree can strengthen its roots and grow, we too can build our capacity and become more resilient, physically and mentally. Equally, if the tree (or we) undergo undue stress, it might take longer to repair and recover. 

What are the best ways to build resilience?

With the help of these analogies and models, we can find ways to develop resilience in ourselves and others. In simple terms, this requires:

1. Assessing our current situation and our capacity to deal with it
2. Identifying areas for growth 
3. Creating a development plan
4. Implementing the plan

Diagnosis – digging down to the roots

The first step is diagnosis; assessing the both our reserves of resilience and the present situation with it’s stresses.

You could use any model of resilience as a framework to help with this and I created the Whole Life Balance Model which takes a rounded approach to resilience and provides questions for self-examination along with a way of scoring each aspect. If you want to try this out just follow the steps in my post linked below:

How to Maintain Balance in Life and Ensure Success

Identification – checking the roots

Having done the self-diagnosis, and scored yourself against each element, you will then be able to identify any areas of weakness. This helps in deciding which things to prioritise and strengthen.

Planning – protecting the roots

For example, you might have had a poor sleep score (which is not uncommon). In this case the first thing to do would be to work on improving your sleep quantity and quality. This might include setting an alarm to go to sleep, rather than to get up. Stopping watching screens late at night or reducing you caffeine intake, particularly in the afternoons and evenings. The list could go on; the point is that once you have identified the area to work you can brainstorm things to try.

Implementation – growing the roots

The next stage is all about changing behaviour and creating healthy habits. You can read more on how to effectively develop good habits by following the link to my post below:

How to Develop Better Habits

Root and Branch

Once the roots are strengthened, we can also look to our branches. In other words, we can think about how we immidiately respond to pressure, stress and challenge, and then further increase our resilience with some useful tools.

To be resilient, like a tree, we need to absorb some of the impact, adapt to the conditions, and then spring back and return to normal.

Absorb

In the initial moment of stress, when dealing with the fight or flight response, the best thing we can do it take some deep breaths. For more information on breathing techniques read:

The Best Breathing Techniques to Reduce Anxiety

Adapt

Next we adapt to the circumstances. This might include stating emotions and reframing our views of the situation.

Rebound

When we rebound after overcoming a challenge, we can reflect on the experience, learn from it, then reset our direction in line with our values, vision and mission.

Support and Coaching

We can go through these steps alone, but as each of these models emphasises the importance of relationships, it is wise to get support from others. That could be from friends, family or colleagues, but a professional coach, with experience in this area, can help maximise our effectiveness.

And if you would like coaching support, please do send me a message via the Contact Page.

This YouTube video introduces how to do a personal SWOT analysis using the example of Batman (Bruce Wayne:

Batman Analysed Using The SWOT Framework

SWOT is an acronym that stands for: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. The SWOT analysis is one of the easiest and best-known decision-making tools. It was initially developed by researchers at Stanford University to study organisations’ strategies, but it can also be used by individuals to improve self-awareness.

A personal SWOT analysis is a great way to boost your self-awareness. In just a few minutes, you can have an insightful assessment of your situation, along with some impactful ideas of how to maximise your strengths and opportunities.

This video uses the example of Batman (Bruce Wayne) to show in simple terms how you can use the SWOT tool to explore an individual’s situation.

For more information, follow the link to the full article:

Personal SWOT Analysis: The Example of Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins

What is a Personal SWOT Analysis?

SWOT is an acronym that stands for: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. The SWOT analysis is one of the easiest and best-known decision-making tools. It was initially developed by researchers at Stanford University to study organisations’ strategies, but it can also be used by individuals to improve self-awareness.

Here are the steps to conducting a personal SWOT analysis:

SWOT Analysis Example 

1. Create a SWOT Table

To do a SWOT analysis, you first need a SWOT matrix. To do this, we create a two-by-two table where: 

• Strengths and weaknesses are usually listed in the first row of the matrix; S and then W. These relate to internal factors.
• Opportunities and threats are external issues or circumstances. These create the second row; O and then T.
• In this layout, the first column, strengths and opportunities, signifies the positive or helpful factors
• The second column, weaknesses and threats, is the potentially negative or harmful issues

2. Brainstorm and Prioritise

The next step is to brainstorm the priority factors in each box.

We can demonstrate this using the example of Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins.

Strengths

• Intellect. Bruce Wayne is highly intelligent and a strategic thinker who understands criminal psychology.
• Resources. Wayne has immense wealth at his disposal from his inheritance.
• Moral Code. Bruce has a strong ethical line against killing, which gives him clarity of purpose and helps to maintain legitimacy with the authorities.

Weaknesses

• Inexperience. Bruce is still learning; he makes tactical mistakes and suffers early setbacks.
• Emotional Vulnerability. Wayne has to deal with issues of grief and guilt. The resulting anger and fear can cloud his judgment.
• Physical Limitations. Batman is human. He does not have superpowers and is susceptible to injury and exhaustion.

Opportunities

• Alliances. Potential partnerships with honest individuals like Jim Gordon and Rachel Dawes.
• Wayne Enterprises. Bruce has the ability to redirect Wayne Enterprises’ technology towards crime-fighting.
• Gotham’s Decline. The broken justice system and the decay of society provide space for a new kind of symbol to emerge.

Threats

• The League of Shadows. These are ideologically driven, well-trained enemies.
• Exposure of Identity. Discovery of his dual identity would endanger allies and undermine his mission.
• Public Perception Viewed initially as a vigilante or criminal, this complicates Batman’s cooperation with authorities.

3. Analysis.

Next, we can analyse the table to see what further insights we can gain.

Strengths

The League of Shadows is a threat, but it also provides exceptional training. Bruce is trained by the League of Shadows in combat, stealth, deception, and psychological warfare.

Bruce’s emotional trauma is a weakness, but this creates personal drive. This deep-seated motivation gives him resilience and immense commitment.

Weaknesses

Wayne Enterprise technology provides an opportunity, but it also creates a weakness in Batman as he has a reliance on technology. His effectiveness depends heavily on specialised equipment and support from Lucius Fox.

The threat of exposure leads to internal conflict. Increasingly, Bruce finds himself at risk of alienating the people he loves and becoming what he fights if fear and vengeance overtake restraint.

Opportunities

Wayne’s emotional vulnerability is a weakness, but this is turned into an opportunity as he embraces it and uses it as psychological warfare against the criminals. Criminals are unprepared for a fear-based opponent operating outside normal rules.

Public Perception is a threat, but there is also an opportunity for symbolic impact; to inspire hope and change by becoming more than a man—a legend.

Threats

Wayne’s successes, driven by strengths and opportunities, produces another threat: the escalation of violence. His presence risks provoking more extreme criminals and tactics.

This, in turn, leads to another threat, that of super-villains. Initially, he has to fight Ra’s al Ghul and Scarecrow, but these actions attract and inspire others, such as the Joker and Bane.

Doing a SWOT Analysis of a person

So here you can see that it is easy to do a SWOT analysis of a person, whether that is you or someone else. 

A personal SWOT analysis is a great way to boost your self-awareness. In just a few minutes, you can have an insightful assessment of your situation, along with some impactful ideas of how to maximise your strengths and opportunities.

So why not take a few minutes to do your own SWOT analysis right now?

And remind yourself of how good Christopher Nolan’s films are by checking out:

The Dark Knight Trilogy

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This YouTube video introduces tools for leadership self-analysis:

Self-Awareness and Leadership

Whether you are an established leader or an aspiring one, understanding your strengths and areas for improvement is essential for personal and professional growth. Leadership analysis tools are invaluable resources to help individuals gain insights into their leadership styles, competencies, and readiness for advancement.

There are various types of leadership self-assessment tools available, each with its unique approach and focus. Because there are so many, here I have recommended some of my favourites that I have tested on myself and with other leaders.

For more information, follow the link to the full article:

Leadership Self-Analysis Tools

This YouTube video introduces how to create a pictoral map of your own life journey:

The Journey of Life: Create Your Own Map

The metaphor that life is a journey is a popular one. Many of our favourite stories, from historical literature such as The Odyssey and The Canterbury Tales, through to modern classics including The Lord of the Rings and The Alchemist, use this premise.

We are naturally drawn to such adventures and can relate to the idea of travelling and challenges in life (even if not faced with actual sirens or orcs!) When we thread together the events in our past, and the hopes for our futures, we can picture a path joining these moments together; a road that we travel along.

Making a physical map of your own life journey is a fun reflective exercise that can be done easily. This video shows you how.

For more information, follow the link to the full article:

Life is a Journey: What is the Map of Yours?

This YouTube video introduces the theory of the Big 5 (OCEAN) personality model:

The OCEAN (Big 5) Personality Test

The Big Five, which stands for five personality traits (also known by the acronym OCEAN) was developed by a series of researchers but is most closely associated with the work of Paul Costa and Robert McCrae. The five traits of the OCEAN model are: O – Openness C – Conscientiousness E – Extroversion A – Agreeableness N – Neuroticism The traits are generally measured by the use of psychometric questionnaires that indicate preferences and create scores expressed on a scale.

For more information, follow the link to the full article:

How to Work Out Your Personality Type

Where have you come from? How would you explain the story of your journey up until now? What are the key milestones of personal history thus far?

The ‘where’ question is an important one. It helps us think about:

• Where have we come from?
• Where are we now?
• And, where are we going?

We will look at each of these in turn and firstly we will consider the question that relates to our past, as that is the first step in developing a deeper self-awareness, a better understanding of our present situation, and a clearer picture of our future prospects.

“It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don’t know where you are, and if you don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going. And if you don’t know where you’re going, you’re probably going wrong.”

– Terry Pratchett

Understanding our past without being held back by it

We all have a history, a different personal story of our past. Along that path there will be various milestones; important experiences that have left an indelible mark on the way, shaping our character and direction.

Some of these milestones mark positive achievements, whilst others are more like tombstones of darker remembrances. All these experiences, good and bad, shape us. For example, consider the story of Victor.

Victor Emil Frankl was born in Austria and his fascination with psychology led him to become a successful psychiatrist. But, as a Jew, he was deported to a concentration camp in the 1940s and ended up in Auschwitz. He suffered incredible hardship and loss. His father, mother, brother, and wife were all killed or died in the years before the end of the war and his release.

Knowing his personal history, it would be perfectly understandable if Frankl had been consumed by loss, hatred, or desire for revenge, but that was not his response.

Man’s search for meaning

Victor Frankl went back to practising psychology after the war and he also wrote about his experiences in the bestselling book, Man’s Search For Meaning. The book is full of inspirational wisdom (and I highly recommend reading it). Here is a section where Frankl talks about how we consider our life and past:

“The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest.

What will it matter to him if he notices that he is growing old? Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees, or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him?

No, thank you,’ he will think. ‘Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.”

– Victor E. Frankl

Frankl’s positivity is all the more striking when we know what he went through. As therefore, as the experience of Victor Frankl demonstrates, the challenges in our past, even our pain, do not need to shackle us. We can choose how to react to our circumstances and our past. He found wisdom and meaning through the most horrific of experiences. It is his perspective, understanding and response to his past that makes him so inspirational.

It is an encouragement for us all. What can we learn from our past, no matter how painful? What wisdom can we take from our past and how can our experiences be used to make the world a better place?

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The ‘Where From’ Tool: The Logbook (your personal history)

My personal history is nowhere near as dramatic as Victor Frankl’s, but I do make a record of what I do and think about past experiences.

For example, as a Mountain Leader, it is important to keep a logbook. Logbooks demonstrate eligibility for qualifications and currency of experience. I have logs that cover mountaineering, rock climbing, mountain biking and ski touring. It can be a chore to maintain them (and it is often the requirement of a course or qualification that gives me the motivation to update them) but it is always satisfying to see what has been accomplished over the years.

Sometimes, in the struggle of the now, or in our focus on the future, we can forget how far we have come. Taking time to consider the journey to date can give you feelings of progress, satisfaction, and thankfulness. Reflecting on our past also increases our understanding of self.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

So that is why we consider the question, “Where have we come from?” And, as we can think of a logbook that records our milestones, in The Right Questions Toolkit, the ‘where from’ question is related to the Logbook Tool.

Logbook Tool Exercise: Updating your CV, résumé or LinkedIn profile

We don’t tend to keep a logbook of life, but we do have other records. These can help build a personal history. One classic one is the CV (curriculum vitae) or résumé. If you have ever applied for a job, then it is likely that you have created a résumé. Equally, if you are on LinkedIn, or a similar form of social media, then the details you put on your profile are effectively an online CV.

We can fill out our conceptual logbook by updating our CV, resume or LinkedIn profile and using the process as a reflective exercise. Just follow these steps:

1.        Update your curriculum vitae.

You can choose whether to create a CV from a plain document, use a resume template or fill in a LinkedIn profile online. The process is the same.

If you are preparing a CV for a specific position, it is worth tailoring the content accordingly. But in this exercise the aim is to capture as much as possible and, unlike with a work-focused resume, remember to include other important experiences beyond just job roles and qualifications.

For example, moving location, getting married or starting a family are not usually on a CV but are worth noting in this exercise (although you may not want to add these to an online profile).

When filling in my logbook, if I need help remembering what I have done, then my journal, photos and calendar usually give me the prompts I need. Similarly, when you are thinking back on past experiences, you can use your diary, schedule, and pictures as ways to jog your memory.

If you would like further advice on writing your résumé, then check out my article on How to Write a CV.

2.        Identify your personal history milestones.

If you were to draw a map of your journey thus far, what would you say were the key milestones? What were the most important achievements, decision points, or changes? Make sure to identify and list these milestones.

3.        Reflect on your key milestones.

Now take some time to reflect on your milestones, noting down the answers. Ask yourself:

• If you had to pick the five to ten most important milestones, which would they be and why?
• Are the milestones connected in any way? Which ones led naturally on to another?
• How did these milestones shape you? What difference do they make to the person you are today?
• What would be the logical progression from these milestones? How do you feel about that?

Well done! Thinking about our past can be tricky, even painful at times, but it is useful. It improves our perspective, understanding and self-awareness. Armed with this knowledge, we are better placed to think about where we are now and where we are going, the subject of the next two sections.

“You can’t really know where you’re going until you know where you have been.” – Maya Angelou

Do you really know who you are? Can you describe your character, your personality, your strengths and weaknesses? How good is your self-awareness really?

There is an old Greek aphorism ‘know thyself’ that has been quoted or paraphrased by many greats through the course of history, such as Socrates and Shakespeare.  It still rings true today as being self-aware is critical to how we relate to ourselves and others.

Therefore it is good to know your personality type, your strengths and weaknesses, your most effective learning methods, your preferred communication styles, your love languages.

We are also shaped by our values and beliefs.  Understanding this will go a long way to self-awareness.

Know yourself, and you will find it much easier to cope in every situation, establish meaningful relationships and develop yourself.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Polonius (from Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

The currency of relationships and the need for emotional management

Relationships are similar to bank accounts.  We know that we have to invest in friendships for them to be fruitful and at times we rely on people and have to make withdrawals.  We have to invest quality time, act in ways that develop trust and bring positive emotions and energy to make down-payments.

You often hear the phrase ‘a needy person’ and in these terms, you could say that they are a person who is always overdrawn when it comes to relational accounts – they always need someone else to invest in them.

It is a useful metaphor to keep in mind. When you are interacting with someone, ask yourself, am I investing in this relationship or am I making a withdrawal?

No one wants to be continually in debt, be that financial or relational, so we need to keep an eye on our personal balance.  The best way we can keep our own social and emotional bank account out of the red and into credit starts with being self-aware.

We need to know how to manage our emotions, how to recover our energy and which people will feed into our own reserves when we need it.

Personal development is another way we serve ourselves, and in the end, also serve others. It is not just about improving skills. As we increase in self-awareness, and we develop good habits, we also increase our resilience and effectiveness; not just our professional abilities and productivity.

Our effectiveness as professionals, as people, is built on a foundation of character. The stronger the foundation the higher you can build and the more positive the impact you can have.

The importance of character and integrity

We have to be true to our character. We have to be genuine and authentic. In the end, you won’t make it if you continually fake it.

Think about the people you most look up to.  Are they perfect?  You can be sure that they are not!  What then makes them so attractive? What is it about them that makes people want to follow them?  If they are successful, ask why are they successful?  What makes them different from the average person?  If you read biographies of such people one generally finds that the person in question is both self-aware and purposeful.  They have great strengths but also genuine vulnerability. This gives them integrity that is magnetic.

It is important to remember that we have to accept our own vulnerability and weaknesses or they will catch us up, or catch us out in the end. This takes real courage, as Brene Brown explains in her excellent book Dare to Lead, but it is the best way to maximise our potential.

If you are being proactive by maximising your strengths and being honest about your weaknesses people are more likely to trust you.  You will be more confident and inspire the confidence of others.  If you have a firm grounding in where you are and have a vision for where you are going then you will naturally be a more attractive person.

If you are secure in who you are then others will feel secure around you.  Therefore, start with yourself; the one person who you can really change.

Change starts with me, myself and I

This holds true for working through any sort of relationship challenges.  When family or friends hurt us it is very easy to see the faults in others and how things could be better if the other person changed.  The hard part – but the most effective way forward – is to look at yourself and start the improvement there. This is the true importance of self-awareness.

But it is hard to work out how to change unless you know your starting point.

Tools for understanding self

There are numerous tools, exercises and tests you can do to help understand yourself better. Here are of the main ones that I have found useful:

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

The Myers-Briggs test is based on psychological research developed from the work of Carl Jung. You can conduct a free version of this test (called TypeFinder) at Truity.com or go to the Myers-Briggs Company for a fuller paid version.

Big 5 (OCEAN) Personality Test

The Big 5 (OCEAN) test is another popular personality model, used by many employers (including NASA). You can conduct a free version of this test at Truity and also at Finding Potential.

Strengths Finder

The Clifton Strengths Finder is another research-based test. This one is a paid service run by Gallup. You have to pay to do this test but you can find more information by clicking on CliftonStrengths.

Learning Styles

There has been a lot of work of different preferred learning styles. You can find a good summary of some of the key ones on MindTools.

Love Languages

For understanding relationships, the 5 Love Languages is a great resource. It is particularly good for partners in a relationship to work through together. You can get the book on Amazon.

Have you ever done any personality or character profile tests? What test did you use and did you find it useful? Do leave a comment and let me know; I would be really interested to hear your thoughts.

Do a personal SWOT analysis

One simple and quick way to improve your self-awareness, to think about your present situation, along with your strengths and weaknesses, is to conduct a SWOT analysis, which you can find out more about in How to do a personal SWOT analysis.

Other free tests

There is a range of other free tests and resources that you can find at https://openpsychometrics.org

Use an online course: The Quest of Self-Discovery

I have created a journey of self-discovery that uses some of the tools mentioned here along with many others. You can try out the first section for free by signing up using the link below:

Leadership Development: Master the Top Leadership and Life Skills

Better lead in life and work to maximise your success. Sign up and access materials for free!

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom”

Socrates

How do you stand out in the workplace? What core competencies must you have to be successful in business? Work in all sectors is increasingly dynamic, and in order to succeed, employees must have the ability to deal with complexity, identify critical information, make sound decisions, and collaborate effectively with people both inside and outside their immediate environment. The problem is, many people lack the skills that employers need to achieve their goals.

CEB, a member-based advisory company based in the US, has recently published research looking into this challenge and the results are of vital importance to employers and employees alike. As a consultant friend of mine noted ‘this is gold dust!’ If you are wanting to be hired or looking to hire people then you should be thinking about this list of core competencies.

But before the list, here is Conrad Schmidt, global research officer for CEB, who frames the problem in this way:

“Employees today have more ambiguous objectives and are working with larger groups of stakeholders, making both flexibility and the ability to collaborate ‘must-have’ competencies for companies seeking higher levels of performance. Important business decisions are also being made lower in the organization, putting an even higher premium on good judgment. Building the next generation of high-performers will require organizations to cultivate these skills within their employee base and to be keenly aware of the dramatic shifts occurring in today’s work environment.”

What are the top 10 competencies?

CEB looked at the performance of over 20,000 workers from across the globe, incorporating data gathered from more than 40 different organisations. The conclusion of the study was that there are 10 competencies that, when exhibited together, identify someone as a high performer. The core competencies are:

1. Ability to Prioritize
2. Works well in teams
3. Organizational Awareness
4. Effective Problem Solving
5. Self-Awareness
6. Proactivity
7. Ability to Influence
8. Effective Decision Making
9. Learning Agility
10. Technical savvy

How can you develop the essential competencies?

The Right Questions is a framework that can be used as a tool to address these core competencies.  If you are seeking to improve in one of these areas then coaching can be a highly effective way to help you develop in these key areas.

Coaching, when done well, supports a client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal generally through facilitation of thinking.  This creates an environment of learning for the coachee.

Coaching can be described as:

Unlocking people’s potential to maximise their own performance. (Whitmore 2009: 11)

Or

The art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another. (Downey, 2003:21)

Research has confirmed that one-to-one coaching is the most effective and satisfying way to help people achieve their goals.  This is compared to group coaching, teaching or self-coaching (Losch et al; 2016).

If you would like to find out more about coaching and how to find a coach then please do email me via our contact page.

Also, you might be interested in The Quest, which is an online virtual coaching course which leads on you a journey of self-discovery, improvement and success. Just sign up using the link below to try the first module for free:

Leadership Development: Master the Top Leadership and Life Skills

Better lead in life and work to maximise your success. Sign up and access materials for free!

References

• Whitmore, J (2009) Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership, 4^th London: Nicholas Brealey.
• Downey, M (2003) Effective Coaching: Lessons from the Coach’s Coach, 2^nd London: Texere.
• Echart, S (2013) CEB Executive Guidance 2013, https://news.cebglobal.com/2012-12-20-CEB-Identifies-Anatomy-of-the-New-High-Performer
• Losch, S; Traut-Mattausch, E; Mulberger, M D; Jonas, E (2016) Comparing the Effectiveness of Individual Coaching, Self-Coaching, and Group Training: How Leadership Makes the Difference. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, pp.629

Values are the principles and beliefs by which we live our lives and make our decisions. If you want to effectively lead yourself and lead others then you need to be aware of what those personal values are.

Our values are also linked to how we feel. Think for a moment: are you feeling unhappy, distressed or dissatisfied about something?

If you are, then there is a good chance that your reality is not living up to your expectations. Economists and researchers Rakesh Sarin and Manel Baucells worked out the fundamental equation of happiness was: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”

Rakesh Sarin and Manel Baucells

For example, it might be that you are unhappy about your:

• Career
• Relationships
• Habits
• Finances
• Work-life balance
• Health and fitness
• Life purpose and direction

The actual reason why you are unhappy

The usual reaction at this stage is to set a goal and achieve something that we think will make us feel happy. But, this often does not solve the underlying issue as unhappiness, and our expectations about being content, are actually rooted in our values. Our dissatisfaction is often caused by a misalignment between your core values and what is happening in your life and work at the moment.

Therefore, even if you did set and achieve a goal without understanding this, you may well find you end up unhappy again. If you do not make a decision in the context of your key principles then it is likely you will make the wrong decision or not really solve the deeper cause of your unhappiness.

By understanding your values you are in a good place to make a change for the better. That is the reason for starting with asking the question ‘why?’ Why do we want something? Why do we feel that way? Why do we want to change? These are the questions that will help us understand our motivations and pick the right goals.

Understanding your own values or principles is therefore vital in order to be effective and happy. And that is not just me saying that. Ray Dalio shares his precepts in his book ‘Principles and urges others to discover theirs. Brene Brown evidences the importance of values in Dare to Lead and Steven R Covey argues for a model of leadership based on being Principle-Centred.

What are values or principles in life?

Value denotes a degree of importance. In monetary terms, we set a value on something by how much we are willing to pay for a product or service.

In moral terms, a value is an ideal that we give a high degree of importance. Values are the moral code that guides us, and the priorities that motivate us. They are the principles we uphold, the ethics and tenets that we believe in and ascribe to. These ideas are our rules of conduct and standards of behaviour.

If you do not know what your values are then it is very likely that you are living your life – whether you know it or not – according to other people’s principles or priorities.

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”

Brian Tracy

How do we express our principles?

There are values we hold personally and those we share corporately, be that with a team, community or organisation. They are often similar but expressed in subtly different ways. For example, common personal values might be expressed as kindness but a team might talk about respect for others. A person may value honesty whereas an organisation might express that as transparency.

David Brooks has formulated another way of looking at values, and that is resume values versus eulogy values. The differences are explored in his book The Road to Character and outlined in his TED Talk, “Should you live for your resume or your eulogy?”

Leadership Development: Master the Top Leadership and Life Skills

Better lead in life and work to maximise your success. Sign up and access materials for free!

How do you assess your personal core values?

You can do an assessment of your values by examining different aspects of your life and looking for trends.  You may have a feel for the values you most relate to, but thinking about values through these different lenses will help you see which principles you really do embody or aspire towards.

In my experience, it is good to start with examining our:

• Personal Stories
• Priorities
• Passions and
• Principles

Personal Stories 

The amount of our character that is fixed at birth or developed by external influence has been a hotly contested subject for many years. We will not go into the ‘nature versus nurture’ arguments here, but it is relatively safe to say that our character is formed from a mixture of both innate qualities and our experiences.

There are various personality tests that you can do but one of the most instructive ways you can examine your character is by looking at the stories of your life.

Try to think about:

• When have you been most happy?
• Which achievement or experience are you most proud of?
• What has been your biggest success?
• What has been your biggest failure?
• When have you been most afraid and what do you fear most?
• Which thing in your past are you most ashamed of?

When reflecting on a personal story you can analyse it in this way:

• What was the situation?
• Which role did you have to play and what did you do?
• What was the result and what did you learn?

Certain themes and principles should emerge as you do this analysis.

Priorities

One simple and effective way to examine our priorities is to see where we use our resources. We invest our time and money in what we value.

Money

Where does your cash go? Money provides a very tangible expression of what we prioritise. Have a look at your bank account and credit card bills. Even how much you spend on essentials and where you shop can be telling. Food, clothing, and shelter are essential but buying luxury options are not. What do you choose to spend more or less on?

Do some analysis and ask:

• How do you budget or divide up what you spend?
• How much do you spend on different things? (E.g. debts, savings, utilities, rent/mortgage, holidays/travel, clothes, leisure activities etc.)

Time

Time is a truly finite resource. How you spend your time will give you a good indication of what you really value. Take a look at your diary or think back and answer the following:

• What amount of time goes to various activities each day and each week? (Working, sleeping, eating, leisure activities etc.)
• Within your work time, how does it break down? (Emails, speaking to people/phone calls, meetings, writing, planning, business development, people development, etc.)
• Which roles do you play in life and how do you prioritise them? (Employee, leader, spouse, parent, friend, child, creator, team member, other?)
• What habits or routines do you have?

Passions

Our passions are the things that drive us emotionally. Our passions either draw us towards or away from something or someone. Often we don’t analyse these thoughts and they can go unnoticed but if you reflect on your thoughts and dreams, beliefs and influences then you will gain a deeper understanding of your passions.

Thoughts and Dreams

What we spend our time thinking, dreaming or worrying about can also tell us a lot. Think about:

• What are you hoping to achieve in life?
• When you daydream what is it about?
• If time and money were not limited what would you do?
• Imagine that you have one wish that would immediately be fulfilled, what would it be?
• What are you anxious or stressed about right now?

Beliefs

What are your theological, metaphysical, philosophical and political beliefs? Ask yourself:

• What are the values of the politicians or political parties you vote for?
• Where do you put your trust for the future?
• When something goes wrong, what or who do you turn to for answers and support?
• What makes you joyful?
• What makes you angry?

Influences

There are many external influences on our lives and predominantly these are people we know or respect. Think about the following:

• Who do you follow?
• Who do you want to be like?
• Which are your favourite biographies?
• What are the books and stories you like most?
• Which films do you like most and why?
• What are the principles of your family and friends?

Principles

Having thought through your personal stories, how you spend your time and money, your dreams, your beliefs and your influences, you should be a much better place to assess what your values really are.

What trends do you see appearing and which words help to sum those up?

“Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the foundations for behavior that gets you what you want out of life. They can be applied again and again in similar situations to help you achieve your goals.”

Ray Dalio

What are examples of values or principles?

The list of words that we could use to express our values is almost endless but sometimes we can struggle to come up with the right one.

Here is a list of more than 150 more common values that will help to prompt you:

Accountability	Discipline	Humour	Respect
Accuracy	Discretion	Humility	Restraint
Achievement	Diversity	Independence	Results-oriented
Adventure	Dynamism	Ingenuity	Rigour
Altruism	Economy	Inner Harmony	Romance
Appearance	Effectiveness	Inquisitiveness	Security
Ambition	Efficiency	Insightfulness	Self-actualization
Autonomy	Elegance	Integrity	Self-control
Assertiveness	Empathy	Intelligence	Self-expression
Balance	Enjoyment	Intimacy	Selflessness
Beauty	Enthusiasm	Intuition	Self-reliance
Being the best	Environment	Joy	Sensitivity
Belonging	Equality	Justice	Serenity
Boldness	Excellence	Leadership	Service
Calmness	Excitement	Legacy	Shrewdness
Carefulness	Expertise	Love	Simplicity
Challenge	Exploration	Loyalty	Soundness
Cheerfulness	Expressiveness	Making a difference	Speed
Clarity	Fairness	Mastery	Spirituality
Commitment	Faith	Merit	Spontaneity
Community	Family	Nature	Stability
Communication	Flexibility	Obedience	Status
Compassion	Fidelity	Openness	Strategic
Competitiveness	Fitness	Order	Strength
Connectivity	Fluency	Originality	Structure
Consistency	Focus	Partnership	Success
Contentment	Freedom	Patriotism	Support
Continuous Improvement	Friendship	Perfection	Teamwork
Contribution	Fulfilment	Personal growth	Thankfulness
Control	Fun	Piety	Thoroughness
Cooperation	Generosity	Positivity	Thoughtfulness
Correctness	Goodness	Power	Timeliness
Courtesy	Grace	Practicality	Tolerance
Creativity	Growth	Privacy	Tradition
Curiosity	Happiness	Preparedness	Trustworthiness
Decisiveness	Hard Work	Professionalism	Truth
Democraticness	Health	Prudence	Understanding
Dependability	Helping Society	Quality-orientation	Uniqueness
Determination	Holiness	Recognition	Unity
Devoutness	Honesty	Reliability	Usefulness
Diligence	Honour	Resourcefulness	Vitality

What are your top 3 personal values?

Pick the 3 most important principles, those with the highest score and correlation after looking at the various aspects above.

Why 3? Because:

“If you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities”

Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

Three is a powerful number for various reasons (to find our more read The Rule of 3).

One of the best ways to identify your values is to follow this easy process:

1. print off a list (such as the one above) and then cut them up so you have one single value per piece of paper or card.
2. Now sort those values into three equal piles (most important, less important, least important)
3. Take the ‘most important’ pile and discard the rest.
4. Go through steps 2 and 3 until you are left with just 3 values.

How do you define or refine those principles?

For each of the 3 words that you have chosen, write your own definition. Think:

• What does the word mean to you?
• Which actions or behaviours display your defined value?
• What other word or words would you add to the initial one to make it embody the value most clearly?

The idea here is to define how you actually live out your value. Simon Sinek puts it in this way:

“For values or guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. It’s not “integrity,” it’s “always do the right thing.” It’s not “innovation,” it’s “look at the problem from a different angle.” Articulating our values as verbs gives us a clear idea – we have a clear idea of how to act in any situation.”

Simon Sinek

Next, put your principles in priority order. This is important as there will be decisions where you have to know the most important factor. To help you try asking these questions:

• If you could satisfy only one of the values which would you choose?
• When a situation causes a conflict between two of your values (for example career and family) what would you do?

Congratulations!

“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”
― Roy Disney

Once you know your values you can use them to guide you in making decisions, setting goals and living a more fulfilling life. You are likely to continue to refine your list over time so it is worth reviewing whenever you review your plans.

We have to make an active choice. If we go with the flow then we can be swayed by wrong beliefs and unhelpful thoughts that can create bad habits, wrong values and an unhappy destiny. Or, if we actively work to define our values, we can build useful habits, have positive words and actions and create positive thoughts and liberating beliefs. We all have a personal responsibility for our destiny.

Taking things further

You have made a big step towards understanding your personal values and this will really help you. It does not end there though. In my experience, understanding values is an iterative process; you will refine your principles every time to take time to really examine them.

Your values create a firm platform for your decisions and plans. Question is, now you have the foundations, what will you build?

You may want to start making a plan for what you want to do next and if so you will find my post on making an action plan useful.

You may want also want some help, delving deeper into your values and identifying your goals. I have the pleasure of seeing amazing, positive, transformations in the individuals and organisations I work with. If you would like some assistance too, in person or online, then please do drop me a line. You can email me via the contact page.

And if you would like to hear more about how I discovered my personal values, check out this video: