What Do You Find Really Challenging?

I am on a trip in the mountains at the moment. I am there for several purposes (as I will explain over the next few days) but one reason is to challenge myself. I like a challenge. One of my core values is adventure and part of adventure is getting out of your comfort zone.

I love the mountains but they can still scare me. I know that while climbing I can experience an exposure – a feeling of vulnerability and fear – that helps me test my limits. By pushing at my barriers I learn more about myself and build my resilience at the same time.

A surprising challenge

But guess what is funny. On day one I went to climb a mountain. Was it the exertion that I found most challenging? Was it the sheer drops that triggered me? Was it the height that exposed my character? No. The first day’s biggest challenge came before I even started climbing. It happened in the airport.

Ok, so this might say something (or a lot) about me, but my biggest challenge was queuing for my hire car. Although, like most Brits, I am a very accomplished and practiced at queuing, I don’t much like it. And this time I was in the queue for over an hour. To put this into context, it was nearly the same time it took me to fly from the UK to the Alps. Just standing there. Waiting. Slowly. One step. Then stand. Then another. Wasting. Time.

And of course there was the archetypal troublesome customer at the front of this long queue. They questioned every aspect of the contract. They prevaricated over the choice of vehicle. They required detailed explanation to use the tablet for the electronic signatures. All the while completely oblivious to the Paddington states boring holes into their back from the entire line of people behind them.

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Rising to the challenge

Some groups sent for coffee. Some split to take breaks outside. But I was alone. The sole guardian of my place on the queue. The queue continued to grow (much faster than it was depleting) and the ambiance of the line did not encourage asking favours such as ‘could you keep my place for 5 minutes?’

As way of proof, I tried to crack a joke with the people next to me. It was coming up to the hour and I said that the desk would shortly be closing for an extended lunch break. It nearly caused a riot and it took me some time to explain the concept of irony to my international friends.

So I waited and I worked hard on not being triggered. I was very close to having my big red button firmly pressed but it didn’t happen. I kept my composure. I have yet to master a state of meditative while queuing but I will get there someday. On this day at least I was able to breathe, keep calm and carry on.

What do you find challenging?

So what do I find really challenging? Queuing apparently. Maybe because it goes against that value of adventure. It is hard to make queuing adventurous (unless you are waiting to clip onto the rope to go up the Hillary step on Mount Everest!)

How about you? What do you find challenging? Whatever it is embrace it. Find your boundaries and find new ways to manage yourself on the brink. And if I’m doubt, take a deep breathe, keep calm and carry on!

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If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for leaders who want coaching towards greater clarity, purpose and success. We are all leaders (whether we know it or not) as we all have influence. So the question is, what are you doing with your influence?

Wherever you are on your leadership journey, I hope that you find resources on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and coaching them to achieve their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!

How Do You Overcome Fear?

In a previous post I talked about the Stockdale paradox and coming to terms with the brutal facts of our situation. That is the first step in addressing our fears.

When one looks at the reality of where we are it can be scary at first but as you take think everything through logically it can start to dispel those fears.  We need to ask ourselves, Ok, so what is the worst that can happen? If we analyse the problem in this way we can put things into perspective as often the worst thing is not that bad after all.  We can also start to plan and work out how would we would act if the worst case scenario was to happen.  In this way we can confront our fears.

Confronting fear

Confronting our fears helps us to avoid either living in a dream world or being crippled by limiting assumptions.

As the Japanese proverb says:

Vision without action is just a dream; action without vision is a nightmare.

We need a clear vision and we need to understand the assumptions we have that either enable or limit our actions.  Sometime negative assumptions are referred to as defeater beliefs but I think it is more helpful to think of them as assumptions as belief can have more fixed connotations and if negative, these thought patterns need to be challenged.

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Challenging negative assumptions and defeater beliefs

For example, when trying to introduce a change in your professional life you may face fears about your job, your promotion prospects or your financial security.  This can trigger thoughts such as “I can’t do that – I would lose my job!”  This is reasonable enough, as losing one’s job can have major consequences, but make sure you think it through.  You may well find that:

  1. If you are smart about how you do things then you probably don’t need to lose your job, or
  2. That it would be worth the risk as you do not like your job anyway, or
  3. You are pretty confident you could find a new and better job

There are plenty of other defeater beliefs that we could add in here such as:

  1. “I won’t be able to pay my mortgage/student loan/credit card bill/monthly subscription to Sky Sport*”, or
  2. “My boss/parents/family/imaginary friend won’t let me*”, or
  3. “I will lose my friends/the good favour of my colleagues/the respect of my dog*”

(*delete as appropriate)

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Overcoming fear

Whatever fears pop into your mind when you look at your present and future situation make sure you capture them and interrogate them fully.  Assess each of them to see how real the perceived threat actually is. This way we can overcome fear.

We also need things in balance. Therefore when considering the ‘where’ question we keep one eye on the present and one on the future; one on the location, one on the vision.  The dream of the future needs to be compelling enough to draw us forward, no matter what the challenges are that we face, and we will be looking at this aspect of ‘where’ in a future post.

Which fears have you faced and overcome? Which would you like to overcome?

If you want the right answers you have to start with the right questions

About The Right Questions

The Right Questions is for leaders who want coaching towards greater clarity, purpose and success. We are all leaders (whether we know it or not) as we all have influence. So the question is, what are you doing with your influence?

Wherever you are on your leadership journey, I hope that you find resources on this site to help you on the next leg of your quest. Even if that is just the inspiration to take one small step in the right direction, then that is a success. If you can take pleasure in learning and travelling as you go, then so much the better.

Need help navigating your journey to success?

I love to serve people, helping them unlock their potential, empowering them as leaders, and coaching them to achieve their goals. Please get in touch and let me know how I can support you!